Monthly Archives: August 2005

The Art Of The Graceful Exit

I can’t say that I was sorry to see Tara go on last Wednesday night’s Rock Star elimination, but the way she departed exemplified one of the best attributes of the show. She didn’t quit. Tara gave what she thought was a great performance of the INXS song, “Beautiful Girl,” despite the fact that she had to know she was going home that night. She chose to go out with her best because, even though it may not have been right for INXS, it may be right for someone else.

Most of the contestants seem to understand that how they behave and the character they display on TV will have consequences in their real lives. Good behavior matched with good performances will bring a receptive audience to a show. Bad behavior invites hecklers. Rock Star is a nationwide audition for any band looking for a lead singer, whether it’s a garage band just starting out or an internationally famous band whose singer has auto-erotically asphyxiated to death. Um.

Rock Star will continue to be an interesting show as long as the contestants consider it an audition first and a reality show second. It’s the same thing that makes The Amazing Race work so well; teams view it as a race around the world more than a reality show. Survivor’s major flaw is that contestants don’t have anything to keep them busy so they create characters. After the first few seasons, most of the truthfulness and relatability was gone. Rock Star contestants are lucky in that only 30 minutes of offstage material airs each week; they don’t have time to develop offstage alter egos. The format of the show saves the contestants from themselves.

Upcoming Rock Star Clinics

Now that the contestants on Rock Star: INXS have perfected their image, stage presence and vocals thanks to the weekly clinics set up by puppetmaster, Dave Navarro, what could they possibly have left to learn? The rockers still don’t know how to acheive longevity in the music industry and how to maintain a high energy level during long concert performances. That’s where the next two guest clinicians come in.

Neil Diamond: Longevity Coach
Neil’s been in the business for the last 100 years, and has written literally thousands of hit songs. Go ahead, count ’em. Thousands. His clinic teaches the future superstars that the key to a great concert is to add an extra syllable to the last word of each line (e.g. “Holly Holy love-ah”). When the band is jamming, throw in a “C’monahyeah-haaaa” and watch the crowd go wild. And if you’ve gotta make out with that 45-year-old filly in the front row during “Girl You’ll Be a Woman Soon,” you do it. All these things will keep the fans coming back for more, decade after decade.

Bruce Dickinson: Endurance Coach
Bruce’s experience performing with metal gods Iron Maiden in front of billions of fans (per show) has taught him a thing or two about keeping the energy level high during a concert. “It’s all about the running,” Coach Dickinson says. “If you’re not running about while singing, you’re not trying.” Loads of ramps on stage are crucial, although climbing on and off stacks of amps will do in a pinch. It also helps if you have a giant band mascot chasing you during the show. Offstage, singers must train vigilantly in high intensity sports such as fencing and golf. If you can actually endure playing 18 holes of golf, you’re in great shape.