Upcoming Rock Star Clinics

Now that the contestants on Rock Star: INXS have perfected their image, stage presence and vocals thanks to the weekly clinics set up by puppetmaster, Dave Navarro, what could they possibly have left to learn? The rockers still don’t know how to acheive longevity in the music industry and how to maintain a high energy level during long concert performances. That’s where the next two guest clinicians come in.

Neil Diamond: Longevity Coach
Neil’s been in the business for the last 100 years, and has written literally thousands of hit songs. Go ahead, count ’em. Thousands. His clinic teaches the future superstars that the key to a great concert is to add an extra syllable to the last word of each line (e.g. “Holly Holy love-ah”). When the band is jamming, throw in a “C’monahyeah-haaaa” and watch the crowd go wild. And if you’ve gotta make out with that 45-year-old filly in the front row during “Girl You’ll Be a Woman Soon,” you do it. All these things will keep the fans coming back for more, decade after decade.

Bruce Dickinson: Endurance Coach
Bruce’s experience performing with metal gods Iron Maiden in front of billions of fans (per show) has taught him a thing or two about keeping the energy level high during a concert. “It’s all about the running,” Coach Dickinson says. “If you’re not running about while singing, you’re not trying.” Loads of ramps on stage are crucial, although climbing on and off stacks of amps will do in a pinch. It also helps if you have a giant band mascot chasing you during the show. Offstage, singers must train vigilantly in high intensity sports such as fencing and golf. If you can actually endure playing 18 holes of golf, you’re in great shape.