Go White Sox! (Episode 1-6)

No, this didn’t suddenly become a sports blog. You can’t blame me for being distracted by the World Series when Martha gives us such a crappy episode of The Apprentice.

Tonight’s task was borrowed from the first season of The Apprentice. Donald’s original cast of wannabe billionaires cajoled celebrities into donating their time for unique experiences to be auctioned for charity. Most notable from the original task was Omarosa’s frequent mispronunciation of clothing designer Isaac Mizrahi’s name. After that episode, Mizrahi became a household name by designing clothes for Target. Coincidence?

The celebrity auction is one of my least favorite Apprentice tasks. Watching goony contestants trying to schmooze celebrities makes me uncomfortable. A few more minutes of Ryan drooling over the NY Jets’ QB, Chad Pennington, and I would’ve needed a shower. Unfortunately, the shower was already occupied — by Chad and Ryan!

Primarius Redux had the better celebrities to work with: Todd Oldham, Susan Lucci, Paul Sorvino, and John Lithgow & Johanna Gleason, stars of the surprisingly stupid idea come to life, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, THE MUSICAL. And yes, you did read that correctly; this was the better list of celebrities.

Along with Chad Pennington, Matchstick II had Fran Drescher, Merv Griffin, and Bruce Vilanch. BRUCE VILANCH? I’d pay not to spend time with him. Did you see Hollywood Squares? I admit, I’m not a Broadway person, so maybe this list appealed to some people. But until Orlando Bloom stars in a reprisal of Hair, I’ll be at home watching television.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that this was an auction for dogs. No, the dogs wouldn’t be the ones bidding, but proceeds benefited some dog shelters or something, and the celebrity packages were supposed to be pet-themed. Todd Oldham designed a matching sofa and dog bed, and Paul Sorvino gave someone’s pet a bit part in his next movie. Pretty cool if you’re rich and have a screwed up preoccupation with an animal that is NOT CAPABLE OF LOVING YOU.

Surprise, surprise. Matchstick II lost and had to go to the conference room. Not such a bad fate considering that Primarius Redux’s prize for winning was some garbage speech from Martha about the joy of giving back. C’mon, at least give ’em a free meal. Maybe a salad with some of that nifty dressing from last week.

Marcela and David took the blame for the loss, and David was let go because he was young, nerdy, and didn’t have a chance anyway. Although Charles did seem intrigued by this “Internet” thing that David kept mentioning.

Next week, two contestants will be fired, and one of them better be Jim or I’ll throw the remote at the TV. I hate Jim, and not in a good way. The good way would make me feel superior to him. The way I hate him is not fun because I already feel superior and the producers still keep forcing me to watch him. He’s a bad guy, I get it already! Show me someone, anyone, who isn’t as obnoxious. No, not Bruce Vilanch!