It’s Not My Problem (Episode 5-3)

Theresa’s corporate retreat was tacky and offensive, earning her a hearty “You’re Fired!” from The Donald on tonight’s Apprentice. And the loss by Gold Rush put Lenny the Russian in fighting form again.

Brent’s return from last week’s boardroom sent Andrea into the bathroom, where she cried and hid for a long time. After she reemerged, she decided to be Synergy’s project manager this week, just to prove that somebody could manage Brent,

Before receiving this week’s task, Dan and Lee of Gold Rush announced that they would be observing the Jewish New Year, and would not be able to participate. Apparently, interviews for TV game shows like The Apprentice don’t count as work, as they were still able to participate in those. NBC added Fiddler on the Roof-style music to a shot of Dan and Lee walking to temple.

Lenny, who is also Jewish, described the decision not to work as “f***ing stupid.” He reasoned that Israeli soldiers don’t get out of work on holidays, so neither should the candidates.

Trump assigned the task of holding a corporate retreat for GM dealers, to whom the teams to introduce the 2007 Chevy Tahoe. Teams needed to find a fun way of familiarizing dealers with the car.

Synergy wisely ignored Brent’s idea to give the dealers massages, and instead came up with the theme “Nature Refined.” They planned a day of outdoorsy activities, like rock climbing, fly fishing, and skeet shooting.

When they realized skeet shooting wasn’t allowed in their park, Andrea quickly came up with a much better idea: golf cart races. Throughout the day, her team also let dealers test drive the Tahoe, as Sean read vehicle specs from the backseat. With his meager knowledge of cars, Sean probably thought the “V8” he kept mentioning was a tomato drink. But his British accent made him sound like an authority, just the same.

Theresa led the undermanned Gold Rush, giving Tarek creative control of the event. She then ignored Tarek’s pleas for a theme, and instead decided to offer the dealers such disparate activities as mini-golf, a horse and buggy ride, and a performance by a comedian. Several times, she used the word “classy” to describe her vision of the event.

In addition to those highbrow activities, Theresa decided to showcase the Tahoe on a rotating platform as models stood by, as at a car show. But this was a one-car show in the middle of a dirt track of a park. No word on whether Theresa’s version of class accounts for corn dogs, monster trucks, and late-night nutria hunts.

Just before the event, Tarek dug golf holes in ugly, dried out patches of grass, because Theresa refused to order astroturf. Not a wise decision, considering Trump’s viceroy, Carolyn, runs golf courses for a living and was on-site to inspect.

Lenny set up the stage and tents, but he neglected to procure a generator to make the stage rotate, protesting, “It’s not my problem.” Brice ordered a generator and spent the rest of the episode screaming hysterically at Lenny, “I saved your ass!”

Gold Rush’s horse and buggy sucked, their mini-golf was pathetic, and the models didn’t know a thing about the Tahoe. But the final blow came when their comedian, a former Last Comic Standing contestant hired by Charmaine, gave a crude, unfunny performance that offended everyone. Even though the comedian bombed, Charmaine still paid her the full appearance fee of $1700.

After the events, the dealers filled out surveys. In their opinion, Synergy destroyed Gold Rush. The Synergy members were given a chance to swim with sharks at Atlantis Marine World on Long Island. Brent had concerns for his safety, but, to his team’s dismay, the sharks did not eat him.

Theresa was sick of Lenny’s attitude, proving that she doesn’t know a potential TV icon when she sees one. So, she brought him into the boardroom along with Tarek, who bore the responsibility for the crummy putting green.

Carolyn, substitute viceroy Bill Rancic, Trump, and even Tarek absolved Lenny of responsibility for the team’s loss. Tarek’s defense for the golf course was that, even though it stunk, at least people enjoyed it, unlike the comedian and the buggy ride.

Trumped harped on Theresa for not bringing Charmaine into the board room, when she was not only responsible for the comedian, but also for hiring the clueless models. Theresa was soon fired, earning a big grin from Lenny. On his way out, Trump told Tarek, “You better step it up… if you can.”

Next week, Brent loses his mind. He’d better make it fast, before the audience loses interest in him.

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