Chill Bumps (Episode 4-6)

Nicole Jamrose may have been spared tonight on Nashville Star,
at wee Jared Ashley’s expense, but she only earned a one week reprieve.
After rocking out every week until now, Nicole decided to slow things
down, and the results weren’t pretty. She’s the next one out, no doubt
about it.

Casey Rivers and his skimpy soul patch also slowed
things down, but with greater success. He even gave judge Phil Vassar a
hybrid of goose bumps and chills called “chill bumps.”

Casey’s
sounded his best on ballads, which leaves some doubt as to whether he
can really rock. How does he plan to ease those doubts next week? By
performing “How Great Thou Art.”

When I think “gospel singer,” a
white frat guy is not the first image that pops into my head. Prepare
for an embarrassing scoop up to the note on the word “soul.” That will
pave the way for Matt Mason and Chris Young to boot-scoot their way
into the final two.

Matt had one of his better performances,
singing Johnny Cash’s song, “Folsom Prison Blues.” He even changed the
words to, “I shot a Nashville Star judge just to watch him
die,” got a laugh from Phil and Anastasia. He needs to keep doing his
Johnny Cash impression to keep the nasal quality out of his voice.

Chris
blew the other contestants out of the water, even with a forgettable
song. His biggest advantage is that he always sounds like Chris Young
no matter what he sings, something the others haven’t learned how to do
yet.

Chris’s biggest competition for the night was actually
Phil, who, accompanied by the contestants, performed a medley of his
hits to promote the upcoming release of his Greatest Hits album. Unfortunately, Phil was so good that it showed just how far the five hopefuls have to go before they sound like pros.

Show
sponsor Wal-Mart would like you to know that you can help fund their
campaign to quietly destroy smalltown America by trading your
foodstamps for Phil’s album at the cashwrap of one of their
soul-sucking monoliths. While you’re there, you can buy a copy of an
album by this week’s guest performer, Trace Atkins. And I’m sure the
band Velvet Revolver has an album available at Wal-Mart, too. Why else
would band members Scott Weiland and Duff McKagan be serving as guest
judges next week, unless it’s to warn the contestants to stay off drugs?

More than one corporate giant used Nashville Star to promote their product. Tonight’s guest judge was NBC’s Celebrity Cooking Showdown contestant Patti LaBelle. Next week, we’ll probably learn that guest performer Hank Williams Jr. has a bit part on Scrubs, and that Wynonna’s much cooler sister Ashley, who’s stopping by to say hello, is going to be a briefcase holder on Deal or No Deal.

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