DwtS 4, Week 6: Results Show

Heather came to the Results Show prepared for bad news. She’d tucked a written copy of her farewell speech into her Paso Doble top.

After a recap of last night’s performances, Len diplomatically awarded the encore to the group for their Swing number. All of the lifts were still good, although Edyta did accidentally kick John in the back of the head.

Joss Stone provided the first musical performance of the night, and she was accompanied by Tony, Elena, Julianne, and Julianne’s brother, Derek. He did some fast spins, and Tony tossed him into a back flip. If ABC’s smart, they’ll add Derek Hough to the cast next season.

The performance was followed by comments from last night’s studio audience. Former ‘N Sync-er JC Chasez liked the lifts in the Group Swing, especially Joey’s "Robot Voltron" move at the end.

Gabrielle Carteris (Andrea Zuckerman on Beverly Hills, 90210) made an excellent point when she said, "Ian did in the Group Swing what the judges want to see him do in his own dances."

George Wendt knew that John would win over the audience: "He’s always been a really fun dancer. At least, I enjoy dancing with him."

Then, Apolo & Julianne and Laila & Maks were announced as the first two couples saved by their fans’ votes. Laila joked that she could have made the competition a little easier for herself if she would’ve dropped Apolo during the Group Swing.

Members of the Dreamgirls cast performed a number from the musical. It was a strange, lip-synced performance that looked a little like karaoke with fancy choreography. Since Beyonce and Jennifer Hudson were nowhere to be seen, I didn’t give the performance my full attention.

Joss Stone returned to perform another song from her new album — but this time, with no dancers. It gave me a chance to check on the score of the Chicago Bulls NBA playoff game versus the Miami Heat. (The Bulls won.)

A package of video clips showed the various ways in which relentless practicing is starting to drive the celebrities a little crazy. Joey got distracted by everything, and Billy Ray did anything but dance. Heather giggled throughout rehearsal, while John showed Edyta bad magic tricks. Apolo and Laila acted silly, and Ian tried to eat a bug.

Apparently, there’s a limit to how many new dance steps the human mind can learn in a week.

Tom & Samantha returned after the video package to announce the next safe couple: Joey & Kym. They also revealed that the first couple in the Bottom Two was John & Edyta. When his name was called, John muttered, "oopsy-daisy."

The announcement was followed by a second set of clips, this time chronicling how the celebrities prepare themselves mentally on the day of the Performance Show. Joey pesters Kym. John reads. Billy Ray plays guitar. Apolo jumps rope. Laila practices her steps. Ian finds his dad in the audience and kisses him on the cheek, and Heather kisses the lucky penny her daughter gave her.

Finally, Tom and Samantha announced the fates of the remaining couples. Ian & Cheryl and Billy Ray & Karina would be moving on, while Heather & Jonathan joined John & Edyta in the Bottom Two.

Heather & Jonathan’s names were announced as the couple going home, and everyone — from the dancers (especially Edyta) to the judges — looked sad. But Heather got Tom laughing when she pulled a written copy of a speech from her top.

Heather said that what felt the worst was that Jonathan wouldn’t have a regular salary any longer, but she promised to find him some "great work." She went on to thank all of the members of the production staff, from hair and makeup to the orchestra — many of them by name.

What mattered most to Heather was that she and Jonathan have been able to raise thousands of dollars for charity by appearing on the show. She donated her entire DwtS salary to Viva! (Vegetarians International Voice for Animals).

She ended with an animal-friendly recommendation, suggesting that meat eaters give up meat one day each week and have a Meatless Monday. Not only is it good for animals and good for the environment, but it’s good for your health, too. Check out Johns Hopkins’ Meatless Monday website for health information and recipe ideas.

It was a very classy departure, and it was good of ABC to let Heather finish her thoughts, rather than rush her onto the dance floor. She and Jonathan danced their final dance to the song "When Will I See You Again."

Next week, the six remaining couples each have to learn two individual dances. If they thought the Group Swing was a lot of work, then this should be totally overwhelming for some of the busier celebs. I’m looking at you, Billy Ray.