TAR All-Stars: Episode 11

Oswald & Danny were already Marked for Elimination, and they seemed resigned to their fate. Would the Cha Cha Chas finish in fourth place for the second time on The Amazing Race?

Although Dustin & Kandice were the first team out of the Macau, China Pit Stop — with more than a two-hour lead over the last place team, Oswald & Danny — it ultimately didn’t matter. All of the teams arrived in Guam on the same connecting flight.

Early the next morning, the teams assembled at Andersen Air Force Base, where they were driven by military personnel to an air traffic control tower. The next clue was at the top of the tower’s hundreds of steps.

The clue contained the Detour for this leg of the race. The choices were Care Package or Engine Care. In Care Package, teams loaded 500 pounds of goods into a box and boarded a cargo plane to take part in a supply drop training exercise. The task was simple, but the flight took at least half an hour.

In Engine Care, teams had to scour clean an engine pod and a wing flap on a B-52 bomber to the satisfaction of an Air Force maintenance supervisor. While the teams could control how fast they cleaned, the engine was very dirty, and the maintenance supervisor was very picky.

The first three teams to the top of the tower chose Engine Care. Charla & Mirna decided that, since they were humanitarians, they should help assemble the humanitarian supplies in Care Package.

The three lead teams scoured their little hearts out, but that maintenance supervisor just never seemed to be satisfied. Kandice complained, "There was no charming the sergeant; the sergeant was all about business. We weren’t gettin’ anywhere with a smile. We had to scrub."

But, as meticulous as they had to be, all of the teams to choose Engine Care finished before Charla & Mirna. Dustin & Kandice were out first, followed by Eric & Danielle and Oswald & Danny.

As they left, Oswald told the supervisor, "I’m bringing you over to tell my maid how to clean, ’cause obviously I don’t know what to tell her."

Still, Charla & Mirna had chosen the best task for them. There would’ve been many places on the engine that Charla couldn’t reach easily, leaving most of the work to Mirna.

Not only did the cousins get to do their humanitarian duty, they got to participate in a military exercise. As a bonus, the pilot did a nose dive, causing the passengers to experience zero gravity for a few seconds.

Upon finishing the Detour, teams had to drive themselves 21 miles to U.S. Naval Base Guam and meet up with another military escort to find there next clue.

Driving to the naval base, Oswald & Danny couldn’t decide which way to go, and drove around for a while before finally hiring a taxi to guide them to the base.

Unfortunately for the Cha Cha Chas, Charla & Mirna found someone to guide them to the naval base right away, and they arrived there in third place — well ahead of Oswald & Danny.

At the naval base, Dustin & Kandice had first pick of the military escorts, and they picked a woman in a "cute" white officer’s uniform. Dustin marveled at the female officer’s manicure, ecstatic that "you can be in the Navy and have cute nails!"

The next clue for the teams was a Roadblock. One team member had to use a GPS device to find one of four "lost" search-and-rescue training officers, who were hiding in nearby brush. The officer then programmed further instructions into the GPS, guiding the team member to a clearing where he or she would be picked up by a helicopter.

Dustin was the first racer to start the Roadblock, and she picked a navy officer to outfit her in safety gear and hand her a GPS device. Then, the same officer followed her out into the brush, presumably to keep her from accidentally stumbling onto the military’s most classified and highly guarded document: an original copy of the lyrics to "In The Navy," signed by all of the members of the Village People.

Dustin was by far the most competent user of the GPS device, and she found the lost officer with relative ease. She then navigated her way to the rescue site, radioed for a helicopter — code named "Night Rider" (or maybe it was Knight Rider, though Blue Thunder or Airwolf would have been more appropriate) — and set off a smoke grenade to signal her location. Dustin was hoisted into the chopper and returned to a jubilant Kandice.

The final clue instructed the girls to drive 11 miles to the Pit Stop at Fort Soledad. As she drove to the Pit Stop, Dustin told Kandice, "I love the military stuff. It just pumps me up and makes me feel so patriotic, and proud to be an American." (As she spoke, a patriotic march played on the soundtrack.)

They arrived in first place, becoming the first team officially in the finale. The Beauty Queens added a pair of ATVs to their TAR toy stash, which already included a couple of retro scooters and some wave runners. All they’re missing are some Segways and Big Wheels.

The other racers to take on the Roadblock were not as adept with the GPS device as Dustin. Over the course of the season, members have to share the Roadblock duties equally, and Eric had already completed his maximum number of Roadblocks. So, Danielle had to do this one.

Danielle, who gets flustered easily when on her own, was not confident in her navigating skills. She came close to tears as she stumbled through a spider web, before finally stumbling upon her officer in need of rescue.

Charla decided that she should take this task and leave the final Roadblock to Mirna, since this task didn’t require height or speed. What she didn’t realize was that the task required the ability to just look at the GPS screen, without touching it — a talent Charla lacked. At least three times, her naval escort told her not to touch the screen. Yet Charla couldn’t stop doing it, and each time she did, an error message took over the screen.

Both Danielle and Charla were well on their way to getting themselves lost, by the time Oswald & Danny finally arrived. Oswald set off into the brush for his team, but without any particular enthusiasm.

Oswald made his way to the supposed location of his lost pilot, but he looked all over without finding him. Eventually, he turned around and noticed the man in green standing in the bushes and raising his water bottle in a "cheers" gesture toward him.

When Oswald asked him, "You were right here? All the time?" the officer looked at his uniform and replied dryly, "It’s good camouflage."

Danielle found her way to the clearing and was picked up first. She and Eric reached the Pit Stop in second place.

Not long after Danielle was picked up, Charla arrived at the clearing — a few seconds ahead of Oswald. As Charla launched her colorful signal grenade, Oswald said, "Oh my God. The Teletubbies go to war!"

He’d managed to narrow the gap, but because Oswald & Danny had finished last in the previous leg, they had to finish thirty minutes before Charla & Mirna to avoid being eliminated.

It didn’t happen.

Charla & Mirna reached the Pit Stop in third place, and Oswald & Danny showed up several minutes later. They were eliminated, but said they hoped Charla & Mirna would win the race because "those ladies are a class act."

Charla & Mirna made a very smart move by saving the finale’s Roadblock for Mirna. Conversely, Eric will be forced to sit idly by, hoping that Danielle doesn’t suffer another Roadblock meltdown, when $1 million is on the line.

Dustin & Kandice seem to be in the best position to win, since they’ve avoided silly mistakes in the last few legs and have been exceedingly kind to, and supportive of, one another. But, in a preview for next week’s finale, Kandice gets mad at Dustin. Will that spell doom for the Beauty Queens?

I’m pulling for Dustin & Kandice to win. I always find them entertaining, and it’s a pleasure to watch two friends enjoy every leg and act friendly to each other. It’s how I’d wish I could act, were I on the race — as opposed to the bickering that Charla & Mirna and Eric & Danielle fall prey to, so often. I hope the Queens’ fight in the finale isn’t as big a deal as the preview would have us believe.