DwtS 5, Week 2: Results

Dancing with the Stars is always rough on models. This week, it was Abercrombie cover boy Albert Reed’s turn to go home.

The show began with a recap of Monday night’s performances. Then, the judges awarded the encore to Helio & Julianne for their Mambo.

When it was time for the first safe couples to be announced, Tom Bergeron mentioned that Jane Seymour had returned to England, following the death of her mother. After last night’s vote, Jane & Tony were safe, and Tom announced that Jane has decided to continue with the competition.

Helio & Julianne were also announced as safe.

For the first guest performance of the night, Queen Latifah sang "Live ‘Til I Die," accompanied by professional dancers Victor Fung and Anna Mikhed. I’d be happy if Victor & Anna were the guest dancers on every Results Show.

Then the audience from the Performance Show gave their opinion of the performances. Bachelor Bob Guiney was a fan of Jennie Garth, while some of the women just wanted Cameron to take his shirt off.

Following that, Melanie & Maksim and Sabrina & Mark were told that they’d garnered enough votes to continue on to next week.

One of the high points of the evening was the return of "manly chested" Nick Kosovich, who danced a Tango alongside wife Lena and American Smooth champions Tomas Mielnicki & JT Damalas.

That performance was followed by one of the show’s low points: the return of Jimmy Kimmel, who attempted to explain how votes are counted. Okay, it was actually kind of funny when he suggested that the votes were all counted by The Count from Sesame Street. But the one-joke bit was a little long — especially considering the time crunch that was to come at the end of the night.

The drama returned when Tom and Drew announced that Mark & Kym would be moving on to next week — after it had seemed almost certain that (with their low scores and Bottom Two showing last week) they would be eliminated.

Queen Latifah returned to the stage to perform "California Dreamin’," this time accompanied by Tony & Anna. The dancing was beautiful, as was Latifah’s singing.

In a pretaped segment, the pros gave their take on this season’s celebrities. Anna likes Helio’s "clear lines." Mark said Jane looks "expensive." And Karina enthused over Albert’s "INCREDIBLE CROTCH ACTION!"

Finally the couples were whittled down to the Bottom Two: Albert & Anna and Wayne & Cheryl. Instead of cutting to commercial as usual, Tom went over to the judges to get their opinions on the Bottom Two. Things got awkward when Tom asked Carrie Ann to say which one of the couples would be going home. She wisely dodged the question, and Tom gave the results of viewers’ votes: Albert & Anna were out.

Tom nagged Albert & Anna to hurry down to the mic: "We’re playing beat the clock!" As has happened in past seasons, the show’s filler had left little time for a proper conclusion. The nagging was especially annoying, given that the show was already scheduled to run two minutes long, ending at 10:02 ET.

Even Albert & Anna’s exit song, Culture Club’s "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" was botched, when Tom’s outro ran long and the singers missed their cue. They only managed to eke out an uncomfortable "ooh" before the show went to black. The producers need to get their timing down, because the abrupt exits of past (and now present) seasons aren’t fair to the eliminated couples — or their fans who watch.

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