Ty’s Specter Remains

Ty’s gone, but if it’s up to the contestants on Rock Star: INXS,
he won’t be forgotten. Suzie kept his memory alive by performing an
original song she wrote with him. And Mig has decided to become the new
Ty, taking over the areas of creepy gestures and
getting-in-touch-with-your-feelings. Here’s a recap of tonight’s show,
in order of performance.

J.D. – By slowing down Nirvana’s “Come
As You Are,” J.D. made the song less irritating than usual, but he
reverted to the original tempo to end the song. Bummer. His original
wasn’t actually an original; he performed the unfinished INXS song from
the Group Songwriting Clinic (the one that yielded the embarrassing
“Stop Go”), but with his lyrics. Smart move, since most of the
originals that followed were unimpressive and generally wrong for INXS.

Suzie
She knocked Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” out of the
park. Her original was an okay, but uninspiring, tune that had so much
Ty infused into it that Suzie’s hair began to peak into a mohawk as she
sang it. My problem with Ty is that everything he touches turns into
something from the Broadway show “Rent.” Which leads to…

Mig –
You can take the boy out of musical theater, but you can’t take the
musical theater out of the boy. His performance of “Hard to Handle” was
silly; Garry Beers and I both covered our eyes when Mig ripped open his
shirt. His original song sounded more like Christian rock than INXS. He
should’ve gone right into his encore of “Our God Is an Awesome God”
from the God-rock compilation infomercials. Mig, when your song sucks,
I can’t care about the personal meaning it has for you. Oh, and your
hair made you look like a butch chick.

Jordis – Looks like “We Are the
Champions” really is a hard song to sing. Still, she did it better than
J.D. But Jordis officially threw in the towel with her original
tonight. Her lackluster song showed that she can’t write a vocal
melody, even with Marty’s help. She got knocked down and she couldn’t
get up again. After tonight’s show, she’ll need to drink a whiskey
drink, she’ll need a vodka drink, she’ll need a lager drink, she’ll
need a cider drink. (Yes, that’s a Chumbawamba reference). Booting her
tomorrow would be the merciful thing to do.

Marty – Acoustic Foo
Fighters didn’t work so well, but Marty saved the night with a tune
from his band, The Lovehammers. “Trees” is a fun, catchy tune and Marty
was able to let go and be the energetic frontman that we’ve seen him be.

Crystal
Ball Prediction – Jordis will be cut next, followed by Mig and J.D. Mig
will promptly reunite with Ty in an updated version of West Side Story.
It’ll be set in Western Australia and chronicle a battle between
aboriginals and convicts. INXS will choose Marty as their lead singer,
but the House Band will open for them on tour with Suzie as their lead
singer. The tour will be delayed until Suzie and Garry Beers return
from their honeymoon.