Apprentice L.A.: Episode 3

Michelle was singled out as her team’s bad apple last episode, and
things didn’t get any better for her on this week’s Apprentice. When it looked like she
was sure to be fired, she took control of her destiny — sort of — and
quit.

Kinetic’s victory on the last task earned them an
exemption from this episode’s task. Instead of working, they spent the
day lounging around a hotel pool, boozing it up and getting massages.

Since
Kinetic was exempt, The Donald told Arrow they would split into two
sub-teams and compete against each other in this week’s task. Aaron and
Michelle became the Project Managers (Aaron volunteered, while Michelle
was volunteered by Trump) of the squads. Their task: arranging a
double-decker bus tour of Los Angeles.

For some reason, Michelle
selected Tim, Nicole, and Frank — her most vocal detractors — for her
team. Aaron picked James and Stefani.

Aaron’s team got to work
quickly, selecting “Famous Places, Beautiful Faces” as their theme, and
running with James’s idea to hire eight Laker Girls to sign autographs
for customers waiting in line.

Michelle suggested the theme “A
Day in the Life of the Rich & Famous,” qualifying that she’d only
go with the theme if her teammates were 100% supportive. After repeated
assurances from Frank, they were on their way.

Tim and Michelle
hopped in a van and drove all over Hollywood and Beverly Hills looking
for possible tour highlights, only to realize that most of Hollywood is
unattractive and Beverly Hills is boring. By evening, Michelle was
begging Tim to just tell her what to do.

As Aaron’s team
snoozed, Michelle’s worked all night, without any real purpose or
direction. Yet Michelle was upset when Nicole decided to take an hour
nap, rather than sit in front of a laptop doing nothing.

Sleep
proved to be a critical factor in team performance on the tour. Tour
host James was actually a little too well rested, as he rambled
manically on the top deck. At first he was high on entertainment value,
but low on information. As time went on, his act wore thin. So, in a
move that may have won the task for her team, Stefani wrested the mic
from James and delivered an informative presentation with the skills of
an experienced guide.

After pulling an all-nighter, Michelle and
her team were definitely the worse for wear. On the microphone,
Michelle was incoherent and Tim used poor judgment. At one point, he
told the families on the bus about the hotel where John Belushi died
from “injecting a speedball of heroin.” It wasn’t until afterward that
Tim realized a bunch of parents were now going to have to explain
speedballs to their kids.

Mercifully, the mic’s annoying feedback drowned out most of their nonsensical chatter.

Based
on customer opinion surveys, Aaron’s team won decisively. Michelle
blamed their loss on the faulty mic, while her teammates blamed her.

When Trump asked to see the losing team back in the boardroom, Michelle announced that the Apprentice
experience — specifically living in tents — wasn’t what she signed up
for, and she’d prefer to resign and go home. Michelle said she’d love
to reapply for Trumps organization via more conventional means. It was
the most cogent she’d been all episode; too bad she waited to quit
until she was going to get fired, anyway.

Trump gave her the standard “You’re a quitter, and you’ll never succeed” speech before he accepted her resignation.

In
the end, though she was divisive and and indecisive as a contestant, I
found myself sympathizing with Michelle. Is forced camping always a
part of the Trump organization’s hiring process? The Apprentice already
finds enough excuses to ridicule its cast, without making them live
outdoors.

But Michelle should’ve kept her thoughts to herself.
All she needed to say was, “I take responsibility for the loss, and I
don’t want any of my teammates to be fired.” By daring Trump to fire
her, she’d get the same result and leave as a hero instead of a quitter.

Next week, some unnamed shocking thing happens. If the show’s ratings stop declining, I really will be shocked.