TAR All-Stars: Episode 5

Aspiring beauticians take heed: the women of Mozambique have very low standards when it comes to their manicures.

Teams
remained in Ushuaia, Argentina, for the first task of this leg,
searching the Martial Glacier for a clue. Ozzy & Danny had trouble
figuring out how to use their avalanche beacon to locate a clue buried
in the snow, and even finished behind Beauty Queens Dustin &
Kandice, who originally ran straight to the glacier without picking up
a beacon.

Luckily for Ozzy & Danny, their deficient
search-and-rescue skills didn’t hurt them. All of the teams ended up on
the same flight to their next destination: Maputo, Mozambique.

For
their first task in Africa, one member of each team completed a
Roadblock involving rats. And we’re not talking your typical New York
subway-type rats. These rats were the size of cats and cuter than their
American cousins, with cool names like Xena and Tupac.

In
Mozambique, rats are trained to sniff out undetonated mines buried in
the ground. Racers attached adorable little harnesses to their rats and
guided them along a short course. When the rat began to dig, a man with
a metal detector confirmed the presence of a mine (already disabled, of
course) and dug up a buried clue.

The racers seemed to form
attachments quickly to their rats. Ian was encouraging: “C’mon, Tupac,
find me a mine!” And Ozzy promised to liberate his rat: “I’ll set you
free after, and take you to a nice lab, where they’ll apply make-up to
you.”

Joe’s rat, Nelson, found the clue first. It directed teams to look for a cluebox at Praca Dos Trabalhadores in Maputo.

Charla’s
rat was more interested in grooming himself than hunting for mines, and
the cousins were the last team to leave the Roadblock. But they weren’t
out of the running, yet.

While most of the teams took a
circuitous route back to Maputo, Charla & Mirna followed a road
that led them straight to the heart of the city. They reached the
cluebox in third place.

The clue was a Detour: Pamper or Porter.
In Pamper, teams drove to a market and picked up a manicure kit. They
needed to earn 30 Meticals (US$1) by convincing women to let them paint
their nails.

In Porter, teams drove to a different market where
they filled ten 45 lb. bags with coal and sewed the bags shut. Then
they carried one bag to a nearby address to receive their next clue.

Most
of the teams chose Porter, assuming that the more physically demanding
task is usually the more straightforward. What they didn’t know is that
many women at the market were willing to pay at least 10 Meticals for a
polish application, making Pamper the much faster of the two Detours.

Bill
& Joe and Ozzy & Danny, the two teams most likely to discuss
their own manicures, chose Porter — and quickly regretted it. They
worked under the hot sun, and filling the bags was hard, messy work.

The
men’s arms were covered in soot, and as they rubbed the sweat from
their faces, Joe & Bill inadvertently gave themselves Hitler-style
moustaches. His own face covered in soot, Danny asked Ozzy, “Do I look
like Rambo?” Ozzy replied, “You look like a faggy raccoon.”

At
the other market, Charla & Mirna got right to work, even soliciting
men for manicures. After a couple of men took them up on their offer,
Mirna said, “I’m glad they have metrosexuals everywhere in the world.”

After
earning more than enough money, Charla & Mirna received a clue
directing them to the Pit Stop at Fortaleza, the oldest building in
Maputo. The cousins arrived in first place and won a trip to Aruba.

The
Beauty Queens also (fittingly) chose to give manicures. Kandice gave a
free manicure to a cute little girl who didn’t have the money to pay.
Their smart Detour choice got them to the Pit Stop in second place.

Uchenna
& Joyce and Eric & Danielle decided to do Porter. Teri &
Ian had intended to do the same, but their driver took them to the
market featuring the Pamper Detour. Ian was skeptical about their
chance of success and wanted to leave. But Teri convinced him to spend
five minutes trying to drum up business.

It paid off, as they
earned all the money they needed from just two manicures. Teri gave two
of the sloppiest polish jobs I’ve ever seen — almost worth the 50
cents they each cost. Thanks to their driver’s error, Teri & Ian
finished the leg in third place.

One by one, the teams from the
Porter task filtered in to the Pit Stop. Ozzy & Danny finished in
fourth place, checking in only after Oswald spent a few minutes chasing
host Phil Keoghan, threatening him with sooty hugs.

They were followed by Joe & Bill, who beat Eric & Danielle in a footrace to the finish mat.

Uchenna
& Joyce arrived last but were not eliminated. Instead, they were
Marked for Elimination, meaning that they’ll face a 30-minute penalty
if they fail to finish the next leg in first place.

Next week,
things look bleak for Uchenna & Joyce, as Uchenna struggles during
a Roadblock. And Danielle threatens to quit racing after she and Eric
are removed from a plane.