DwtS 4, Week 2: Results Show

Monday night’s surprisingly good performances were followed by an equally surprising elimination on Tuesday.

The first Results Show of the season got off to an ordinary enough start. Samantha Harris looked lovely in purple and wore her hair down, after sporting a shoulder length ‘do at the Performance Show. The shorter hair style was very flattering, and I hope it’s not a fluke.

But enough with the girly stuff. Laila & Maks were awarded the season’s first encore because their Mambo "took the biscuit." (Len’s words, not mine.)

After the performance, two of the couples moving on to next week were announced. Heather & Jonathan and Clyde & Elena all survived, thanks to their fans. Clyde promised to show more personality and creativity in his next performance.

(As an aside, I hope that, before the next show, someone tells Clyde that he doesn’t need to try to grab the microphone away from Samantha during interviews. Her evening gowns won’t look as flattering if her arm is in a sling.)

Then it was time for another performance, this time by the legendary Dionne Warwick. She sang her hit "I Say a Little Prayer," with the dance accommpaniment of Cheryl Burke, Jonathan Roberts, Anna Trebunskaya (Jonathan’s wife and Jerry Rice’s partner in Season 2), and Pasha Barsuk (Anna’s professional partner). The performance was a great reminder of just how talented Anna is.

After last night’s Performance Show, show producers had filmed some audience members’ comments. Since celebrities are the only people who matter, I’m only including the celebrity comments. Brian Austin Green was impressed by Laila, and Sela Ward gave Billy Ray a "Woo!" The ever diplomatic Chuck Woolery couldn’t — or wouldn’t — say who he thought would be first to go.

Robbie Williams, whom I love, was a little more forthcoming: "There were some lazy feet. I noticed some lazy feet. I’m not gonna say who. It wouldn’t be fair… Leeza Gibbons."

Another two couples were then announce as safe from elimination: Ian & Cheryl and Laila & Maks. When asked to describe what it was like to stand under the lights and await his fate for the first time, Ian said, "It’s a lot of pressure, but pressure makes diamonds."

In preparation for next week’s dances — the Jive and Tango — two demonstration dances were performed. First, the DwtS pros (minus Cheryl, Julianne, and Jonathan) danced a Jive, choreographed by Tony and Maks, to Queen’s "Don’t Stop Me Now." The dancers went into the audience, including the balconies, for a little direct interaction with the fans, before posing in front of the judges’ table to end the routine. To ensure a little future goodwill, Maks smooched Carrie Ann on the cheek.

The Jive demo was followed by a Tango lesson… from Jimmy Kimmel. Considering that his dance partner was his parking lot attendant, Guillermo, you can imagine how helpful the instruction was.

Finally, it was time to announce the first couple in the Bottom Two. Surprisingly, it was Paulina & Alec, who’d been positioned directly in the middle of the Leaderboard.

What better way to recover from the shock than another performance by Dionne Warwick. Her remix of "Do You Know the Way to San Jose?" was accompanied by two sexy dancing girls — Yessenia Adame and Claudia Velasco — who could’ve passed for twins. It felt like some raunchy scene in a B-movie, and I was half expecting the girls to kiss.

In a pretaped segment, the celebrities talked about some of the surprising things they’ve encountered during their participation in the show. Heather said she feels like a "drag queen" when she’s made up for show day. Related to that, Ian said Cheryl wears so much glitter that she’s "slippery."

But it’s certainly a good workout. Shandi said, "You could bathe in bacon and you would never gain an ounce." That explains how she stays so thin. She doesn’t eat food, she bathes in it.

To help prepare this season’s couples deal with the pain of being ousted, the first couples eliminated from the previous seasons offered their thoughts. Unfortunately, Trista Sutter, Kenny Mayne, and Tucker Carlson weren’t helpful, since all of them are still a little ticked about it. Kenny summed things up for all of them: "Damnit. Why’d they kick me off?"

Paulina & Alec were then told who’d be joining them in the Bottom Two: Shandi & Brian.

It was at this critical point in the show that someone at ABC’s Chicago affiliate decided to take a coffee break. Just as the show was scheduled to come back from commercial, the screen went dead for well over a minute.

When the show’s feed finally returned, the first eliminated celeb had already been announced. It was Paulina, who was in the middle of telling Tom about how bummed she was to leave.

"I guess my family was my fanbase," she said, "and it just wasn’t extensive enough."

The first humorously cruel outro song of the season was "One More Night," by Phil Collins.

I’m still reeling from the shock, as I was all but certain that Shandi & Brian would be eliminated. And there were several other couples that I thought were in more danger than Paulina & Alec. Hopefully, Alec will continue to participate in the professional demonstration dances, because it’s a shame to see his return to the show cut so short.

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