Survivor Fiji: Episode 7

When both of the castaways targeted for elimination are pretty much despicable, it’s going to be a happy ending for Survivor viewers, no matter who goes home.

The day after their first victory with the new Moto tribe, Earl and Yau-Man enacted a plan to find the hidden Immunity Idol. While Earl led everyone on a mission to rescue Moto’s stranded boat, Yau-Man stayed behind to tend camp. As soon as everyone was out of sight, Yau-Man started digging.

Thanks to the pick and shovel Moto happened to have at camp, Yau-Man quickly unearthed the Idol. He celebrated for a bit, smooching the protective turtle pendant (it looked like Soap-on-a-Rope with an exoskeleton), before hiding the evidence of his excavation.

His tribemates didn’t suspect anything after they returned to camp, and Yau-Man made up an excuse to get Earl away from the rest of the group. He showed Earl the Idol, and the two agreed to continue protecting one another. "I would have never thought a big, strong black man would become one of my best allies in this game," mused the wee, Asian Yau-Man.

Later that day, the teams met for a Reward Challenge, Ravu’s first with new tribemember Lisi — not that they were happy to have her. Last episode, when sent to exile island, Lisi nearly broke down, and started babbling about how she was excited to go home. Now that she was on Ravu (replacing Anthony, who’d been voted out), the other guys were counting the days until they could get rid of her.

At the challenge Survivors faced off one at a time in a game of giant, fiery jai alai. Each team had to light three targets on fire by flinging a flaming metal sphere.

In an effort to impress his teammates — if his teammates were all 10-year-old boys — Mookie mocked Yau-Man’s shaky throwing technique. Fittingly, Yau-Man hit the target with his first fling.

Unfortunately for Moto, Yau-Man was the only one to hit a target. Ravu won its first challenge ever and earned a trip to a Fijian arcade parlor. They also sent Earl for his third trip to Exile Island — or as he renamed it, Earl Island.

At the arcade, the men of Ravu (the biologically male members and Lisi) gorged on hot dogs, brownies, and beer, and then played pool and video golf. When the gang complained about overeating and feeling sick, Rocky complained even more loudly about their complaining. I’m sure he was just trying to be helpful.

Meanwhile, Yau-Man waited for his fellow Motites to take their afternoon siestas before enacting an absolutely brilliant plan. He sanded and decorated an empty coconut shell, wrapped it up in the Immunity Idol’s original packaging, and buried it exactly where he’d found the real idol. If someone finds and actually tries to use the fake Immunity Idol at Tribal Council, it will have to go down as one of the best moments in Survivor history.

Earl rejoined his team at the Immunity Challenge, which was another resurrected classic. One tribe member stood on a raised platform shouting instructions to his or her blindfolded teammates.

One at a time, a blindfolded tribe member walked across a field, following the verbal commands of his caller to where a skull hung above his head. He then swung a club, pinata-style, to break the skull, dropping a bundle of puzzle pieces to the ground. He dropped the pieces on a puzzle table at the far end of the field before heading back. After all the pieces had been found, the team removed their blindfolds and worked together to solve a word scramble.

Moto got a slight lead thanks to Michelle’s accurate directions. It’s just a shame that her blindfolded teammates never saw Michelle, in her enthusiasm, actually fall off of the platform while shouting at Yau-Man to "go forward!" (They probably saw it for the first time on TV, like the rest of us.)

Alex’s slightly less specific instructions had even more painful results, but not for Alex. At least twice, Mookie took a bamboo pole to the gut because Alex didn’t tell him to stop quickly enough.

Moto’s slight lead and superior brain power enabled them to solve the puzzle first, forcing Ravu back to Tribal Council again.

Rocky and Mookie were in agreement that Lisi should go because she’s a chick, and chicks are wimps and they talk too much. Okay, they might not have said that out loud, but you know that’s what they were thinking.

Edgardo finally realized what the viewing audience learned long ago, and shared his discovery with Alex: "Rocky just has this bad vibe about him, and I think one of the reason’s Ravu didn’t ever win is his attitude about stuff." Too bad none of the original Ravu-ites realized that in time to save Jessica, Erica, Sylvia, Rita, or Anthony.

At Tribal Council, Rocky was pretty confident, since the one girl on the team was the obvious boot. He didn’t notice that Lisi — who’s just as socially and intellectually savvy as Rocky — was acting a little over-confident herself.

Turns out Lisi had Alex, Edgardo, and Dreamz on her side. Well, not really on her side. She just happened to be slightly more bearable than Rocky. He became the first member of the jury.

Rocky’s exit interview was, well, not surprising. First, he screamed at the top of his lungs. Then he vowed to use his jury power to single-handedly prevent Lisi, Alex, Edgardo, or Dreamz from winning the million dollars, should they make it to the finale. I’m sure none of the producers had the heart to explain to him that he only gets one vote.

Next week, the Ravu guys take advantage of the fact that Lisi was foolish enough to tell them the (other) hidden Immunity Idol’s whereabouts. As Lisi and Dreamz sleep mere feet away, Alex, Edgardo, and Mookie dig for the idol.