After a couple of days reflecting upon this week’s performances and results, it’s time to update the Dancing with the Stars 3
Power Rankings. (The rankings don’t represent how I personally feel
about the contestants, just where I feel they stand in the competition
right now.)

9. Willa Ford & Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Last Week’s Ranking – 9
Willa
made it out of her first two trips to the bottom, but it’s going to
take a near perfect performance next week to survive. Last season, Tia
Carrere was in a similarly precarious position, when Max choreographed
an amazing Tango that bought them another week in the competition.
That could be good news for Willa, if she’s one of the contestants performing the Tango this week.

8. Jerry Springer & Kym Johnson
Last Week’s Ranking – 6
Jerry’s
certainly popular enough to stick around for a long time, and his
dancing is improving. But if Kym’s knee is aggravated again, Jerry’s
more likely to pull out of the competition than put her in danger of a
career-threatening injury. And switching to a new partner at this point
would certainly be problematic. However, if Kym’s knee is okay, Jerry’s
stock could rise.

7. Harry Hamlin & Ashly DelGrosso
Last Week’s Ranking – 8
Harry’s
made some strides on the dance floor, but he’s still way behind Joey,
Mario, and Emmitt. He also made some comments aired during the Results
Show about how he didn’t feel that he needed to change, because he wasn’t in
any danger. That’s not going to win anyone over to his cause.

6. Monique Coleman & Louis van Amstel
Last Week’s Ranking – 7
Monique’s
Mambo earned the highest scores of any woman in the field. But I’m
still not sure she has the star power to be a serious contender. Her
pre-show audience was mostly limited to families with children in a
certain age range. And we haven’t seen much of her personality, yet.
The good news for Monique is that she could be earning new fans with,
of all things, her dance skills.

5. Sara Evans & Tony Dovolani
Last Week’s Ranking – 4
Sara
probably ranks in the top three in terms of fan favorites. But she’s
been second to last in judges’ scores each week. Most fans voting for her
now do so because they are fans of her music. But, in order to win over
new fans, Sara needs to make some real progress in her dancing. And she
can’t let Tony’s negative attitude about the judges rub off on her.

4. Mario Lopez & Karina Smirnoff
Last Week’s Ranking – 1
Their
liberal interpretation of the Quickstep was a mistake that hurt them with
the judges. Mario needs another Latin dance to get him back on track.

3. Vivica A. Fox & Nick Kosovich
Last Week’s Ranking – 3
They’ve ranked third with the judges each week, so I’ll follow suit.

2. Joey Lawrence & Edyta Sliwinska
Last Week’s Ranking – 5
Their
Quickstep was wonderful, but the best part about it was Joey’s sincere
appreciation for the judge’s compliments and the audience’s standing
ovation. Drew Lachey earned fans last season with his boundless
enthusiasm and hard work ethic. Joey has those same qualities, so
expect his fanbase to grow as the season progresses.

1. Emmitt Smith & Cheryl Burke
Last Week’s Ranking – 2
Emmitt’s
shown far more dance aptitude than anyone expected from him. Cheryl
received Emmy nominations for two of the routines she choreographed
last season. The show’s fans love them both. Together, they are the
most dangerous couple in the competition.

Other DwtS News
Two reports from backstage at DwtS 3: People Magazine was there the night of the Performance Show, while Sports Illustrated caught up with Emmitt after the Results Show. Overheard: Joey & Edyta will dance to “Blue Suede Shoes” next week.

According to the Country Music Television network, Sara and Tony will be dancing the Jive this week.

Billy found love on Survivor: Cook Islands, but it wasn’t enough to save him from elimination. It might have helped if Billy’s soulmate had been on his
tribe — and if she knew about their romance.

Day four started out well enough for the Aitu tribe. J.P.
attributed the team’s successful fish catching and fire building to
their Latino heritage: “We’re hard workers.” Ozzy was even able to rig
a net trap and catch a wild chicken.

To demonstrate to viewers how Asians
can do everything more efficiently, the show cut immediately to Yul
setting up a box trap at Puka camp and catching two chickens.

Jonathan
returned to Raro from a cold and miserable stay on Exile Island, during
which he’d failed to find the hidden Immunity Idol. Adding to his
frustration was his discovery that the tribe didn’t do anything to
improve the camp while he was gone.

Jessica the fire dancer was
game to help Jonathan construct a floor for the shelter, but the rest of the
tribe preferred to gossip on the beach. Adam protested that building a
floor for the shelter was a waste of energy when they could just sleep
on the cold, wet sand.

At the Aitu camp, Billy also preferred to
conserve his meager energy reserves, and Ozzy was sick of having to
tell him what to do. Billy confessed to Cristina and Cecilia that he
didn’t subscribe to the Hispanic hard work ethic. Hard rocker that he
is, Billy declared, “Metal is my culture.”

Back at Puka, Cultural relic Cao
Boi used his magical headache cure on Jenny. He left a red mark on her
forehead, to match Brad’s from last week, but Jenny wasn’t complaining.
“At least my headache’s gone.”

As they had last week, the four
other members of Puka had to ask Cao Boi to stop telling racist Asian
jokes. They feared that non-Asians might feel that Cao Boi was
confirming negative stereotypes by telling his jokes, one of which
involved a Vietnamese person and several dogs. “A joke is a joke,” Cao
Boi insisted. “No, it’s not,” the others replied in unison. Cao Boy
clammed up, and he never did get to the punchline of that dog joke.

At Aitu, Billy’s snoring kept everyone awake, so they sat around the
fire eating coconut and talking. Ozzy suggested throwing the next
Immunity Challenge in order to get rid of Billy. J.P. agreed, but
Cristina was hesitant. She didn’t like the idea of throwing a challenge
on principle, and was also concerned that it might give Ozzy too much
power.

Jeff Probst started the The Immunity Challenge with a
story about Captain Cook, the island chain’s namesake. The teams then
navigated an obstacle course while tied together, retrieving seven
wooden plaques along the way. On the plaques were written answers to
questions about Jeff’s Captain Cook story. The first three teams to
answer five questions correctly (two of the plaques were red herrings)
won Immunity. And the first team overall won two waterproof tarps.

To
even the teams, Puka, Raro, and Aitu each had to sit one of their
members. Being the least fit tribe member, Billy volunteered to sit
out. But J.P. insisted on sitting out, and thus the challenge was
thrown.

Just to be sure they had no chance of winning, Aitu
stayed at the starting line while the other teams took off, reading a
printed copy of the story Jeff told — just to be sure they had all of
the details right. As the other teams flew through the course,
gathering one answer plaque after another, Ozzy lead Aitu at a snail’s
pace.

Puka and Raro completed the course and answered their
questions at exactly the same time. Because of the tie, both teams were
given Immunity and the Reward. Hiki finished just as Aitu was crossing
a rope bridge suspended over a pit of water. For good measure, Ozzy
even “accidentally” shook one of the ropes, sending Billy into the
water pit.

As the losing team, Aitu chose to send Yul to Exile
Island. While Yul said good-bye to his teammates, Billy turned to the
girls of the Raro tribe and said, “I’m next.” Candice said, “Aww. We
love you.” Billy awkwardly and sincerely replied, “I love you.”

On
Exile Island, Yul accomplished what Jonathan couldn’t, figuring out the
clues and locating the hidden Immunity Idol. For the second time in
one episode, Yul bested the alpha male of another tribe. His
competition doesn’t know it yet, but Yul’s this season’s biggest stud.

At
Aitu’s camp, Billy followed Cristina when she went to get water. He
told her that he knew that the team threw the challenge, and then asked
Cristina if she was sure that Ozzy wouldn’t throw the next challenge
just to get rid of her. She confessed that she doesn’t trust Ozzy, and
promised to talk to Cecilia on Billy’s behalf.

Cristina found
Cecilia on the beach and asked her, in Spanish, if she had any kind of
agreement with Ozzy. Cecilia said that she did not, and the two
considered booting Ozzy instead of Billy.

As Tribal Council drew
near, Ozzy was confident that the women wouldn’t turn on him: “I know
they’re gonna suffer really bad if they lose me.” And Billy held out
hope for a miracle: “My hand is a weak hand, but at least I got one
queen.”

At Tribal Council, Billy told Jeff that the tribe threw
the challenge, and J.P. confirmed it. But Billy said that the challenge
gave him a new reason to want to stay in the game. “I’m playing the
game for love,” Billy said. He described the exchange that took place
between him and Candice and called it was love at first sight. Jeff was
flabbergasted, but Billy insisted that he was serious.

Upon
Billy’s declaration of love for Candice, Cristina and Cecilia exchanged
confused looks with one another. His disclosure may have been the last
straw, because the women sided with Ozzy and J.P. and voted out Billy.

Billy
was laid back in his post-elimination confessional. He was amused that
he, a true metalhead, was kicked off by a guy named Ozzy. “I got to
live the dream of playing Survivor,” Billy said. “Too bad there’s not a heavy metal tribe. I think I would’ve fit in there.”

It was the battle of the blondes on this week’s DwtS 3 Results Show. In the end, Shanna Moakler was sent home. And, after two weeks at the bottom, Willa Ford looks to be in big danger next week.

After recapping last night’s performances, the judges’ selected Joey & Edyta for an encore of their Quickstep. Their excitement from last night’s high scores carried over into tonight’s dance, as the two relaxed and smiled brightly throughout the performance.

Their dance was followed by the professionals demonstrating the Jive, one of next week’s celebrity dances. When you think of the Jive, Billy Idol’s song “Rebel Yell” is generally the accompanying soundtrack that plays in your head, right? Me neither. Yet that’s the song they danced to, and it was more than a little weird. Kym didn’t participate because of her knee injury.

Backstage with the safe couples, Sam corrected herself and gave credit to Max and Karina, not Willa, for choreographing the Jive.

When Samantha asked the celebs about their next performances, Sara joked that Tony’s moving in with her, so that they can train nonstop. And Emmitt said, to be tops with the judges, he and Cheryl had to “work a little bit harder.” Cheryl quickly corrected him: “A lot harder.”

From the dance floor, Tom quipped about Samantha’s interview segment, “I don’t know what’s going on with Tony’s hair, but he’s standing between two bald gentlemen (Joey and Emmitt), and bald’s starting to look pretty good.” Backstage, Tony broke into a fit of laughter, the likes of which even Harry’s new yogi has never seen.

Then Tom reintroduced Tysonia, the non-celebrity Slim Fast Challenge contestant we met last week. In this week’s taped segment, she performed a Tango in front of an African dance class, to get the experience of performing in front of an audience other than friends and family. It’s a pretty safe bet that, by the end of the season, she’ll be brought out to perform on the same stage as the stars.

Tysonia’s amateur Tango was followed by a live performance by a couple of Tango pros: Jordi Caballero & Claudia Velasco. The performance included plenty of lifts that the celebrities will not be able to include in their routines next week, but the dance still lacked a little something.

Apparently, Tucker wasn’t as cool with his early departure as he seemed last week. He returned to grill the judges, in a pretaped interview segment entitled “Tucker Carlson: Behind the Sequins.” He was critical of the subjectivity of the judges’ scores. But Tucker admitted that his departure was “a little like euthanasia: sad but necessary.”

In another pretaped segment, the celebs talked about the stress of the elimination process. Monique said that the red spotlight shining on the couples at the bottom was “like being sent to hell.” Willa said, “I’ve never felt such failure as I did last week.” But Harry was confident about his own chances: “I think I’m gonna stay in the competition. I don’t think I have to change anything.” And Shanna was determined: “I want to win this competition. We are not going home tonight.”

Onstage, Tom and Samantha cycled through the remaining couples, until they’d pared them down to the Bottom Two: Willa & Max and Shanna & Jesse. Max looked sad and resigned to going home.

But Shanna & Jesse were eliminated, causing Max to fall down in a pretend faint. Willa climbed on top of him and mimicked CPR. Tom sped through Shanna’s goodbyes, because the show was running out of time. This week’s subtle jab of a departure song: “Leavin’ on a Jet Plane.”

Former child stars Joey Lawrence and Mario Lopez may be interchangeable after all. A great performance by Joey vaulted him into the top spot on Dancing with the Stars, while a choreographic misstep humbled early favorite Mario.

Host Tom Bergeron announced at the top of the show that, despite injuring her knee earlier in the week, Kym Johnson had recovered enough to continue as Jerry Springer’s partner.

Then, Tom and co-host Samantha Harris explained the criteria for the night’s dances. The Mambo — the female celebrities’ dance for this week — requires fast steps, rhythmic hips, clever arm movements, and moves known as body rocks. The Quickstep — which the males stars would be attempting — is executed with fast, synchronized steps and powerful runs, as well as moves like the Charleston and the Chasse.<!–

Tom then introduced the evening’s first performer: Willa Ford. As he did last week, Tom called Willa the show’s “bad girl,” a label she might have to shed to help her chances in this competition. (Willa called herself the “Bad Girl of Pop” back in 2001, and the title has stuck, though she has yet to do or say anything controversial on DwtS.)–>

Willa Ford & Maksim Chmerkovskiy – Mambo
Even though she was excited about doing a sexy Latin dance, Willa had trouble mastering the Mambo in practice. She repeatedly left the studio, but Max learned to wait her out, as she always returned after a few seconds. Willa was more frustrated with herself than with Max, and, over time, it seemed he was able to get through to her.

Judging by the performance she gave on the dance floor, Willa’s practice struggles were worth the trouble. She had a lot of energy and looked well suited for the Latin dances. And she’s a good partner for Max; he can show off, while she’s able to hold her own. The routine ended with two cool drops. Afterward, Max gave her a proud peck on the cheek.

Head judge Len Goodman said, “It was fantastic. I loved the turns.” Bruno Tonioli declared Willa “almost too hot to handle. The girl can shake.” Carrie Ann told Willa, “You were my favorite of the women from last week, by far.” But as for this week? “Sometimes you got a little out of control, got ahead of the music.”

While waiting for the judges’ scores backstage, Willa told Samantha that she knows she’s not as famous as some of the other stars, and the audience will need to get to know if her if she wants to last until the end. Then, while Samantha explained the voting process, Willa grabbed the mic and said, “Vote for me!” She should get votes just for taking the mic away from Samantha.
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 8, Bruno: 8 = 23/30




Harry Hamlin & Ashly DelGrosso – Quickstep
In order to loosen Harry up, Ashly took him to a session of laughter yoga, which, logically enough, consists of laughing while you do yoga. It was as silly as it sounds, and Harry looked ridiculous trying to fake something close to laughter… until he really started laughing, and then couldn’t stop.

As a nod to last week’s stiff performance, Harry started the routine standing ramrod straight. Then their music kicked in: “Lust for Life” by Iggy Pop. Harry still looked a little awkward, but he’s definitely a Standard ballroom guy. The performance was much better than last week, though the choreography was a little bland.

Bruno told Harry, “You’re coming out of the shell. You kept the hold all the way through.” Len said the hardest thing for the male celebrities to do is to keep the hold. However, Len also said he wished he’d seen a little more rise and fall in Harry’s step. Carrie said that Harry had “great posture. I thought it was fantastic.” Confirming that Standard is more his style, Harry said, “I don’t have one molecule of Latin DNA in me.”
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 7, Bruno: 7 = 21/30




Monique Coleman & Louis van Amstel – Mambo
Heeding Len’s advice, Louis worked on his chemistry with Monique, taking her on a gondola ride. In practice, to show his confidence in Monique’s abilities, Louis worked in a difficult trick at the end of the routine that he would normally only try with another professional.

Louis’ jacket was super sparkly and very distracting (at least to me–and to all the infants watching). Monique was totally on point with all of her moves, but Louis’ speedy legs and crisp movements had the effect of making Monique look a bit slower, by comparison. She can really shake it, though, and they pulled off the finishing trick without a hitch.

Carrie Ann told Monique, “You’re a hot, wild, young lady.” Len said the performance was “absolutely knockout.” Bruno told Monique, “You’re bringing sexy back big time. You were like a kitten, purring around the dance floor.”
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 9, Len: 8, Bruno: 9 = 26/30




Mario Lopez & Karina Smirnoff – Quickstep
Karina said she wasn’t sure if some of the moves they were doing this week were legal. But she kept them in, anyway, as they played to Mario’s strengths as a dancer. After practice, Mario took Karina boxing to show off his footwork in the ring, and she beat the stuffing out of him.

Karina had good reason to worry about this routine, because it was only a Quickstep by the loosest standards. Mario was very bouncy, and the duo failed to included many of the required moves, making it more of a Freestyle dance. It was crowd-pleasing but failed to capture the spirit of the dance. Hopefully, the choreography was just a rookie mistake on Karina’s part.

Bruno said the routine was “the Quickstep gone berserk, an impressionistic version of the Quickstep.” The crowd booed, and Bruno yelled back, “Stop booing me! Shut up!” Carrie agreed with Bruno: “You guys are fabulous. What are you doing?” Len said there was “no hold and no posture. It was a Latin dance; it wasn’t a Quickstep. Do the proper stuff, not all that rubbish.”
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 6, Bruno (shrugs): 8 = 21/30




Shanna Moakler & Jesse DeSoto – Mambo
Jesse’s a Mambo champ, and Shanna said she was intimidated by his sexiness during practice. She also said that, despite her beauty pageant experience and posing for Playboy, she wasn’t confident that she could pull off a sexy dance routine.

Her brown dress with tan fringe looked slightly cowgirl, so I was sure their song had to be a country song. But the music kicked in, and it was “Jump,” by former youngster hip-hoppers Kris Kross. It was probably the last song anyone expected — just beating out Rush’s “The Trees.” Shanna couldn’t nail the necessary fast leg work, and the tempo of the song made the routine feel even slower. It was solid, but not loose enough to be great.

Len said this week was “much, much better. You were right with him the whole way through.” Bruno told Shanna, “You’re still not quite there, but carry on with the work, and you’ll get there.” Carrie Ann said, “Shanna, I don’t know what you’re still worried about. That was a good, solid Mambo.”
Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann: 8, Len: 7, Bruno: 7 = 22/30




Jerry Springer & Kym Johnson – Quickstep
Kym hyperextended her knee&nbsp;during a&nbsp;Jive&nbsp;practice with some of the other pros.&nbsp;While she worried that Jerry would fall behind in his Quickstep training, he feared that her injury could be career ending. After some medical tests, Kym was cleared to perform with Jerry, who told her, “Dancing with me, you’re always dancing in pain.”

They donned 1920s era outfits, and danced to “Sing, Sing Sing.” Jerry showed a lot of improvement from last week; He’s much more comfortable with Standard than Latin. He even generated some good speed near the end. It was a credible performance that left the crowd chanting, “Jerry! Jerry!”

Bruno told Jerry, “You covered a lot of mishaps with a great performance.” Carrie Ann was “very impressed,” and remarked that Kym’s injury didn’t seem to affect her performance. Len said that he wasn’t going to cut them any slack because of Kym’s injury. Then he had some advice for Jerry. “I’ve always looked up to you as a father figure. You can’t keep up with the younger guys, so work on the things you can: technique and hold. You can be better than any of them.” Tom told Len, “I thought the only person you looked up to as a father figure was Methuselah.”

While waiting for the judges’ scores, Samantha asked if Kym’s injury made Jerry nervous about his chances. He looked at Kym and said, “Oh yeah. Like we’re gonna lose because of your knee.” In the background, Willa and Max nearly fell off their chairs from laughing so hard at Jerry’s constant stream of self-deprecating comments.
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 6, Bruno: 6 = 19/30




Vivica A. Fox & Nick Kosovich – Mambo
For their routine, Nick left his shirt open, exposing an oven-roasted chest, reminiscent of Kramer on the episode of Seinfeld where he exchanges his sunblock for butter. Their routine felt the most authentic, like something you might see at a club. In her heels, Vivica was still able to execute a perfect cartwheel.

Len said, “You sold that, and I loved the spins. But it was like a pizza: the top half was hot and spicy; the bottom was doughy.” After Nick remarked that some people like the crust, Bruno took the pizza analogy in a creepy direction and said, “The crust…is tasty!” Carrie Ann said, “The beginning was weak, but near the end, you brought it to the floor.”
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 8, Len: 8, Bruno: 8 = 24/30




Joey Lawrence & Edyta Sliwinska – Quickstep
During rehearsal, Joey said the Quickstep made him feel “like a marionette or a robot.”&nbsp;Joey&nbsp;equated the Quickstep with other things he finds difficult,&nbsp;”like math.”&nbsp;After he&nbsp;showed Edyta a tap routine he did when he was five, she decided to work it into the routine.

They danced to “I’ve Got Rhythm,” another lively and appropriate song, like “Sing, Sing, Sing.” Joey’s practice fears were unfounded. The performance was fun and crowd-pleasing, while still looking like a real Quickstep — definitely the best of the night. The studio audience loved it, including Ted Danson, who dropped by to promote his new show, Danson with the Stars.

Carrie Ann said, “Last week, you were boring. This week, you were f-…oops, I almost swore…you were fantastic!” Len called it “the performance of the night. Beautiful rise and fall.” Bruno said the routine was “worthy of the golden age of Hollywood,” which was exactly what Joey and Edyta were going for. Joey couldn’t stop thanking the judges and blowing kisses to the audience.
Carrie Ann – 10, Len – 9, Bruno – 10 = 29/30




Sara Evans & Tony Dovolani – Mambo
This week, Sara took Tony to her house near Nashville, so that he could meet some of her fans.

Sara is a beautiful woman, but she didn’t bring enough passion to the Mambo. The routine was cute and fun, but not sexy. Sara smiled a lot more than she did last week, but the smile hardly reached her eyes, as you could see how hard she was concentrating on her steps. It was an improvement, and Sara’s working hard, but she’s got a ways to go before being as comfortable on the dance floor as she is behind a microphone.

Len said Sara was “much, much better than last week. I liked your hip action, but you dance too carefully.” Carrie called it “a very nice, safe Mambo.” Bruno said, “This is the Sara I wanted to see. Go for it. I want you to kill me on that dance floor.”
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 7, Bruno: 7 = 21/30




Emmitt Smith & Cheryl Burke – Quickstep
Emmitt’s used to running with his shoulders forward, so he struggled with the straight posture of the Quickstep. He’s also a perfectionist, leading him to put so much pressure on himself that he wasn’t having a good time on the first day of rehearsal.

During the performance, Emmitt stayed in character, smiling the whole time, and looking like he meant it. He even sang along with some of the music. Cheryl made a point of working ways in for Emmitt to show off his personality, while still executing the necessary Quickstep moves. It was a nice balance of elements.

Bruno told Emmitt, “You have such a natural charisma, you’re so light on your feet. Go take ballet with Vivica.” Carrie asked Emmitt, “Would you mind if I called you Twinkle Toes?” Len said, “It was not quite as good as your Cha Cha&nbsp;last week, but it was still a great performance.”
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 8, Len: 8, Bruno: 8 = 24/30




Leaderboard:
1 – Joey & Edyta
2 – Monique & Louis
3 (tie)- Vivica & Nick, Emmitt & Cheryl
5 – Willa & Max
6 – Shanna & Jesse
7 (tie)- Harry & Ashly, Mario & Karina, Sara & Tony
10 – Jerry & Kym

Joey got my vote tonight. He was the best of the week, and he deserves to be rewarded for it. I’m guessing Willa and Shanna are in the most trouble. If one of them goes, it could be good for the other, as viewers will no longer have to wonder which young blonde is which.

Now that we’ve seen the DwtS 3 celebrities in action, it’s time for me to rethink my preseason predictions. I’m
0-for-1 so far, as I had Shanna & Jesse going before Tucker &
Elena. In my defense, that was before I saw Tucker dance.

Here’s where I have the dancers slotted this week:

10. Shanna Moakler & Jesse DeSoto
Preseason Rank – 11
Shanna
wasn’t one of the better celeb dancers, and she had little chemistry
with Jesse. On top of that, her tale of enduring a celebrity divorce
wasn’t compelling enough to help her escape the Bottom Three. The sob
story route could wear even thinner with viewers as the weeks go on, so Shanna needs
to exhibit some more personality (and dance better) if she means to
stick around.

9. Willa Ford & Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Preseason Rank – 4
Despite
tying for third with the judges, Willa still wound up in the Bottom Three, after the fan vote was added in. If we learned anything from
Stacy Keibler’s popularity problems near the end of last season, it’s
that DwtS fans are not easily beguiled by gorgeous blondes.
Willa may be able to turn things around with a few weeks of perfect
dancing, but she might not be given that much time. That would be too
bad, since she danced well and seemed fun… and her partner is Max.

8. Harry Hamlin & Ashly DelGrosso
Preseason Rank – 1
I said that the only way Harry could lose is if he couldn’t dance. Harry can’t dance.

7. Monique Coleman & Louis van Amstel
Preseason Rank – 6
Monique
seems like a nice girl and a competent dancer. She just may not have
the chops or the star power to last long into the competition.

6. Jerry Springer & Kym Johnson
Preseason Rank – 8
After
finishing in 9th place with the judges last week, Jerry needed a huge number of fan
votes to stay out of the Bottom Three. He got the votes he needed,
which should scare the sequins off of his competitors. Jerry’s only way
out of the competition may be to ask his fans to stop voting for him.

5. Joey Lawrence & Edyta Sliwinska
Preseason Rank – 7
Joey
had a good first performance, but there’s still room to improve. Now
that the team has seen the competition they’re up against, it’s up to Edyta to craft some
show-stopping routines for Joey.

4. Sara Evans & Tony Dovolani
Preseason Rank – 3
Last week, the judges gave Sara an even lower score than they did Jerry. Yet she, too, avoided the Bottom
Three thanks to an active fanbase. Sara was a little nervous in her
first outing, but she’s got enough potential — and enough fans around
the country — that she should stick around for a long time. Tony is
still the key; he needs to adjust and choreograph to his partner’s
strengths. Sara Evans isn’t Stacy Keibler, but she doesn’t have to be.

3. Vivica A. Fox & Nick Kosovich
Preseason Rank – 2
Vivica
gave a wonderful performance last week, and she looks to be the alpha
female of the competition. She’s also the biggest star in the field,
and I’d guess she has enough support to fend off fan favorites like
Jerry and Sara, who don’t dance at the same level.

2. Emmitt Smith & Cheryl Burke
Preseason Rank – 5
Jerry
Rice finished in second place last season, and he’s not even as good a
dancer as Emmitt is. Emmitt’s popularity and talent should keep the
other celebrities on their toes; one wrong move, and Emmitt could win
the whole thing. If he remains the fan favorite, all he has to do
is survive to the final three, and then come in second with the judges.
Since the fan votes are the tiebreaker, Emmitt would get the trophy.

1. Mario Lopez & Karina Smirnoff
Preseason Rank – 9
For
now, I have to rank the season’s best dancer in the number one spot.
However, there are rumors floating around that Mario’s had extensive
dance training, contradicting what he said on last week’s show. Couple
that news with the fact that his cheating ways led his ex-wife to annul their marriage less than a week after the wedding, and Mario could lose a good chunk of his fan
support. He needs to be perfect from here on out to stay in the top
spot.

In Other DwtS News:
If
you placed a bet that Jerry Springer & Kym Johnson were the most
likely pair to suffer a season-ending injury, you’d be right. But
it was Kym who
blew out her knee during practice, not Jerry. Kym looks to be out of the
competition, and Jerry is currently training with Nick Kosovich’s wife.
We’ll find out Tuesday night if she’ll be his partner for the
remainder of the season. (9-19-06 Update: Word on the street is that Kym’s injury might not be as bad as initially feared, and she may be able to continue dancing with Jerry. We’ll find out when tonight’s show airs!)

Fans of Cheryl Burke will get an extra chance to see her this week, as she guest stars on an episode of The Suite Life of Zack & Cody,
on the Disney Channel. The episode, which airs on Thursday, September
22, also features some routines choreographed by Louis van Amstel.

Cheryl’s former partner, Drew Lachey, will be the special guest on the October 4 DwtS Results Show.

Tucker Carlson revealed in an interview why he danced so poorly last week. He was rattled because his shirt had been sewn to his underwear
in order to keep the shirt from coming untucked during the performance.
I’d probably have trouble dancing under those conditions, myself.

The premiere of The Amazing Race 10 featured one of the most
ethnically diverse casts in the show’s history. By the end of the
episode, that diversity had been reduced significantly.

CBS
featured two teams in most of the ads leading up to the season
premiere: Muslim friends Bilal & Sa’eed, and disabled triathlete
Sarah & her boyfriend, Peter. Though those two teams may have been
the most obvious hooks for viewers, they weren’t the only interesting people.

There’s Mary, a wife and mother
whose self-image is warped enough that she thinks her husband, David, is
“too cute” for her. David is a coal miner from Kentucky, who looks
like…a coal miner from Kentucky.

Friends Tyler & James were
introduced as “recovering drug addicts and models,” though I’m not sure
how one recovers from modelling. As they introduced themselves, we saw
an old photo of one of the guys, glossy-eyed and clutching a tank of
nitrous.

And my favorite unintentional comedy team is Kellie
& Jamie, a pair of cheerleaders who wondered aloud if Muslims
worship Buddha.

The twelve teams started the race in Seattle,
Washington. Host Phil Keoghan promised that, in addition to eight
elimination legs, there were new surprises afoot this season. Maybe
teams that lose non-elimination legs will spend a night on Exile Island.

After
Phil’s sendoff, teams drove to the airport en route to Beijing, China.
Korean-American brothers Erwin & Godwin were eager to “get back to
the homeland. Even though we’re not Chinese.”

At the airport,
teams jockeyed to get on the first of two planes heading to China. The
first, a United flight, left an hour before the second, on Korean Air.
However, only six teams would be allowed on the United flight.

As
they waited in the gate for the first plane, Alabama single moms Lyn
& Karlyn were annoyed that Sarah, who has a prosthetic leg, took
advantage of the early boarding privileges for passengers with
disabilities. It seemed there was little strategic motivation behind boarding early, but Sarah definitely managed to get under Lyn and Karlyn’s skin.

Because
of a delay for the United flight, the two planes arrived within a
half-hour of one another. Beauty Queens Dustin & Kandice lost the
meager lead they had when they became the season’s first victims of a
bad cab driver. He took them to multiple restaurants before they were
able to find the one featured on their clue: the Gold House Restaurant.

In The Amazing Race,
a restaurant is usually a harbinger of disgusting things to come. The
Gold House was no exception. A Road Block instructed one team member to
dig into a bowl of fish head stew (Eww!), pluck out the fishes’
eyeballs (Eww! Eww!), and eat them (Eww! x 1000).

Father/Daughter
team Duke & Lauren arrived at the restaurant first. Their
relationship has been on thin ice since Lauren came out as a lesbian.
Fortunately, as everyone knows, the first step in mending a troubled
family relationship is for the elder member to eat fish eyes in the
presence of the the younger member.

Dustin & Kandice
recovered from their bad cabbie to wind up in the middle of the pack,
thanks to a local boy who led them to the restaurant on foot.

Erwin
& Godwin weren’t so lucky. Their driver was equally bad, but they’d
been on the second flight, so they had little room for error. By the time
the brothers arrived at the Gold House, only Bilal & Sa’eed and
Indian-American couple Vipul and Arti were left. But those teams were
already finishing up their eyeballs.

From the restaurant, teams
traveled by taxi to the Meridian Gate within the Forbidden City. Teams
chose one of three departure times for the next morning from tickets on
a pillar. Four tickets read “7:00,” four read “7:15,” three read
“7:30,” and one read, “Last Team.” This ticket signified one of the
surprises Phil had mentioned earlier.

Erwin & Godwin lucked
into a fast cabbie after the restaurant, and they arrived at the gate
at the same time as Bilal & Sa’eed. The brothers won a footrace to
the tickets, and Bilal and Sa’eed drew the final ticket.

The
ticket instructed the final team to head to the traditional Pit Stop
mat, where Phil waited for them. Phil informed Bilal and Sa’eed that,
even though this was not a Pit Stop, they had been eliminated from the
race.

After an initial moment of shock, Bilal said that the
surprise elimination proved that “you have no control over anything.
The Creator does.” He’s right. It’s Jerry Bruckheimer’s show, and that
guy does whatever he wants.

With the fear of God, or at least the producers, put into them, teams departed the next morning in the following order:
7:00 – Peter & Sarah, Lyn & Karlyn, Tyler & James, and Duke & Lauren
7:15 – Kellie & Jamie, Mary & David, Dustin & Kandice, and boyfriends Tom & Terry
7:30 – Erwin & Godwin, Vipul & Arti, and dating couple Rob & Kimberly

Teams
rode on WWII motorcycles with sidecars, instructing their drivers to a
particular intersection. There, they hopped in a pedicab and rode to a
Detour: “Labor or Leisure.”

In Labor, teams rode to a market and
paved a section of sidewalk, using bricks to create a specific pattern.
It was the more labor-intensive of the two tasks, but it could be
completed quickly if teams figured out the pattern and avoided
bickering with each other.

In Leisure, teams traveled to a park
to learn a Tai Chi-like routine that involved balancing a ball on a
paddle. The task required coordination, patience, and rhythm

Most of
the teams chose Labor, including Vipul & Arti, who’d gotten lost on
their motor bikes and arrived at the Detour in last place. The Labor
Detour brought out the worst in some teams, and Mary & David and
Rob & Kimberly seem the teams most likely to bicker this season.

Peter’s
nitpicky criticism of Sarah as they worked on their brick pattern
grated on Karlyn’s nerves. “He tries to micromanage so much,” Karlyn
muttered. “They can kiss my behind.”

Kellie & Jamie and Tom
& Terry, the only teams to choose the Leisure Detour, got stuck in
traffic on their way to the park. Kellie & Jamie started a cheer,
which Tom & Terry repeated, to the cheerleaders’ delight.

At
the park, both teams spent a good amount of time twirling and launching
balls all over the place before finally getting the hang of it. Task
completed, both teams made their way to the Pit Stop — Juyongguan,
part of the Great Wall.

In order to reach the Pit Stop, teams
needed to scale a wall using a rope with loops spaced every few feet.
The technique was difficult to master, putting one foot in a loop while
pulling up with the arms in order to put the second foot in a higher
loop.

The task was especially difficult for Sarah. She had to
rely almost completely on her upper body strength as she hopped from
one loop to the next. Thanks to her triathlon training, Sarah already
had a strong upper body, and she actually finished the task in what
appeared to be less time than some of the other women.

Peter
bagged his nitpicking while she climbed, but his efforts at
encouragement took on a hyperbolic, patronizing air. “You are a
world-class athlete,” he shouted. “No one else could do this… When you make it, I’m
going to cry.” (He didn’t.) Sarah and Peter met
because he designs prosthetic legs, and it seems as if he might have
co-opted Sarah’s personal struggles as his own.

Models Tyler
& James scaled the wall with relative ease and reached the finish
mat in first place, winning a $20,000 prize. An emotional Lauren, who
cried because she was so happy to be spending time with her dad again,
finished in second place alongside daddy Duke.

Sarah & Peter came
in third, followed by Dustin & Kandice. Rob & Kimberly (who’d given her cabbie instructions to head to “the Great Wall…the Great Wall of China“)
finished in fifth. They were followed by Kellie & Jamie, Erwin
& Godwin, and Tom & Terry.

Karlyn, Lyn, and Mary all struggled
to hoist themselves up the wall, but the Alabama moms edged out the
Kentucky couple for ninth. As Mary climbed, David told her they were in last
place, and she apologized to him as she climbed the final stretch of
wall.

At the mat, Phil informed Dave & Mary that they were
actually in tenth place, not last. Vipul and Arti had yet to arrive at the wall. Overjoyed at still being in the race, and
angry with her husband for making her feel bad, Mary didn’t embrace her spouse until after she’d hugged Phil and
the Chinese greeter at the Pit Stop.

Vipul
& Arti eventually showed up and were eliminated. They were happy
to have had the chance to race, however brief it was.

Their
elimination, along with Bilal’s & Sa’eed’s elimination earlier in
the leg, brought the total number of non-white teams competing from
four to two. Hopes for an ethnically diverse season may be short-lived
if this keeps up.

Next week, Rob & Kimberly have what should
be the first of many fights. Plus, temperamental horses and oxen give the
teams trouble — and me a reason to live. There’s nothing I love more
than a troublesome ox.

The premiere of Survivor: Cook Islands showed that the media
furor over dividing teams along ethnic lines was largely
unwarranted. Things went pretty much they same way they always do on
the show. The good-looking people banded together, and the lazy guy was
eliminated first.

The season started aboard a supply boat approaching a small island.&nbsp; As the ship neared shore, host Jeff Probst told the latest crop of castaways to separate into their tribes, grab whatever supplies they
could carry, and begin paddling small rafts to their respective beaches.

Billy, of the Latino team,
Aitu, said he felt as if he was undoing some of the choices his parents
made years ago. They’d left the Dominican Republic by boat to reach the
United States, and here he was leaving America to paddle to another
island.

Rebecca, of the African-American team, Hiki, saw their
trip to shore as a chance to disprove some stereotypes: “Yes, black
people do swim. Yes, black people do know how to get on a boat and
paddle. We don’t just run track.”

For the most part, the Hiki
tribe got along well. Sundra and Rebecca, both of whom sport long
braids and wear yellow shirts, quickly formed a bond, because they both live in
New York.

Jazz&nbsp; musician Sekou, who plays a mean conch shell, tried to take charge of preparing the camp, but
undermined his own authority by following each command with a lengthy
break. His breaks left the third woman on the tribe, Stephannie, in “a
state of pisstation.”

Puka, the team of Asian-Americans, hadn’t even reached shore before Cao Boi (pronounced “cowboy“)
offended all of his teammates with a ceaseless flow of Asian jokes.
Despite some regional ancestral similarities, Cao Boi couldn’t be more
different from his teammates. He fled wartime Vietnam as a child, while
his teammates — whose parents or grandparents hail from places as
diverse as the Philippines, Korea, and Hawaii — were all born in the
continental United States.

Cao Boi’s cultural peculiarities
weren’t entirely without value. Cao Boi’s knowledge of Eastern folk
medicine helped him diagnose Brad’s headache as a case of “bad wind,”
which Cao Boi treated by roughly massaging Brad’s face, and then
pulling and pinching the skin at the bridge of Brad’s nose. The
headache disappeared, although the treatment did have an unfortunate
side effect: a giant red mark between Brad’s eyes.

The Caucasian
tribe, Raro, seemed the most uncomfortable with the potentially
politically incorrect tribal divisions. But they got over it, jokingly
referring to themselves as the “Whiteys.”

It didn’t take Raro tribe members
Adam and Candice long to realize they’re not only white; they’re also
young, fit, and attractive. Thus, they felt obligated to start
snuggling romantically on the first night.

At their camp, Raro
flipped over a wooden box to create a makeshift coop for their two
chickens — one of which Adam had grabbed from the supply boat
legitimately, and the other that Jonathan had stolen from the Puka
tribe en route to the island. Jessica, this season’s dreadlocked fire
dancer, absentmindedly lifted the box, and the chickens quickly escaped
into the jungle. To this day, they rule with an iron fist over
all the island’s other beasts.

At the Immunity Challenge, teams
learned that the first three teams to complete the challenge would win
both immunity from Tribal Council and a flint for making fire. The
first place team would receive additional fire making supplies, such as
matches, kindling, and Aqua-Net.

Before the challenge started, host Jeff made small talk, asking the teams about their supply
situation. Brad and Yul pointed to Jonathan as the man who stole their
chicken. Jonathan shrugged, unconvincingly.

The challenge
consisted of two parts. Part one required each team to assemble a boat,
grab an unlit torch, row to a fiery platform, light their torch on
fire, and return to shore.

Ashore, teams solved four small block
puzzles (which composed the letters N, S, E, and W). Once the puzzles
were complete, teams placed the puzzle blocks in appropriate slots on a
wall: N on top, S on the bottom, etc. They then attached pieces from their
boat to the wall, creating a ladder. The challenge was complete when
the members of a team had climbed their ladder to a platform, and then used their torch to light a brazier.

Hiki fell behind early when they couldn’t figure out how
to assemble their boat. They made a push near the end when Raro
struggled with their small block puzzles, but couldn’t make up the
difference.

The consolation prize for losing was a chance to
send any contestant from one of the other three teams for a two day
stay on Exile Island. As payback for stealing Puka’s chicken, the men
of Hiki (who didn’t consult the women of their tribe) chose Jonathan.

Before
Tribal Council, the two Hiki men, Sekou and Nathan, tried to convince
Stephannie that she’d never be able to break up an alliance between Sundra and Rebecca. But, since the same was
probably true of buddies Sekou and Nathan — and since Sekou’s laziness
already annoyed her — Stephannie stuck with the ladies and voted off
Sekou.

Nathan didn’t seem too troubled by the vote, since Jeff
gave the tribe flint on their way back to camp. The prospect of a
toasty fire and parasite-free water was enough incentive to make him
forget all about Sekou.

After 11 weeks of competition, it turns out that none of the Rock Star contestants will be the lead singer of Supernova. However, that doesn’t mean nobody won.

Earlier
this week, a judge determined that Tommy, Gilby, and Jason would not be
allowed to call themselves Supernova, since there’s already a band with
that name. As of the time of this writing, they haven’t decided on an
alternative.

The finale began with a recap of the previous
night’s performances. Afterward, Brooke explained that the two rockers
(as opposed to the usual three) who received the lowest number of votes
would perform to save themselves from elimination. The band would
cut one person, and then the three remaining contestants would each
give a final performance.

During the course of the voting,
Dilana was the only one never to drop into the Bottom Two. By the time
voting ended, Lukas was safe, too. So it came down to Magni and Toby to
battle for a spot in the final three. They each played a song they’d
performed on an earlier episode of the show, with no major changes.

Magni
reprised “Fire” by Jimi Hendrix, in front of some giant video screens
brought out for the finale. Jason Newsted stood and
clapped at the end of the song — a sure sign that Magni was getting
cut, as Jason has often saved his heartiest responses to show respect
for those who are about to get axed. Toby played “White Wedding” by
Billy Idol, and did a typically solid job.

After the band
conferred over a commercial break, Gilby Clarke told Magni that he
seemed more a part of the House Band rather than a true frontman, so he
was being eliminated. Jason stared at the ground, resting his forehead
on his hand, perhaps an indication that the band’s decision was not
unanimous.

Dave Navarro said that he’s never had a bad thing to
say about Magni, and that the “Iceman” is loved throughout the world. Magni
thanked everyone involved, focusing special attention on the House
Band. He said Gilby was right; he didn’t want to front the House Band,
just be a part of it. Hopefully, Mark Burnett was listening and will
take Magni up on his offer next season.

As Magni left the stage, Jason turned to Dave and said, “He’s heading off to become the King of Iceland.”

Then
the Final Three joined Brooke onstage, where she gave each of them a
chance for some final words to the band. Lukas said that he was most
impressed that the guys were nice, despite being so rich and
successful. Dilana said that, while Lukas and Toby are great, she’s
“the one.” Toby said that he deserved to win because he’s taller than
Lukas and Dilana.

Then it was time for the final competition performances of
the season. Lukas sang “Bittersweet Symphony” by The Verve, Dilana did
“Zombie” by The Cranberries, and Toby performed “Somebody Told Me” by
The Killers. Supernova conferred one final time, pretending they hadn’t
decided on a winner weeks ago.

Jason grabbed the mic and lauded
Toby for his vocal range and energy level, and then abruptly cut him
from the competition. Lukas and Dilana stood dumbfounded as Toby hushed the grumbling crowd. Dave told Toby he’s already got a hit
single on his hands with his original. Toby was gracious and thanked
Superwhatever for not picking him–er, for their advice throughout the season.

After
Toby exited the stage, Brooke stood next to Lukas and Dilana. Dave
said, “It’s down to the two edgy ones. Brooke, it looks like you’re
about to perform a goth wedding… Ha, it’s not a bad idea!”

Tommy
told Lukas his look and vocals fit the band. He then told Dilana,
“You’re enchanting. Who doesn’t love you?” Apparently, Tommy doesn’t,
because he then announced that the band had picked Lukas as the winner.

By the end of the previous night’s voting, Lukas had moved up to receive the
highest number of votes, and the band said that helped them settle on a
champion.

Dave quickly took some ecstasy and gushed over Dilana,
“I absolutely adore you! You’re awesome. I love you.” He asked her to
take part in the upcoming tour, performing with the House Band. Dilana said she would.

And
Gilby offered his services to co-write and produce Dilana’s album. To distinguish himself from the other members of Supernova,
who’d made a similar offer to Storm, Gilby said, “I didn’t offer that
to anyone else. Only to you.” Dave and Tommy both said they were in,
too. Jason cried silently, wondering what the hell he was thinking when
he left Metallica and agreed to do this gig.

Then the newly complete band took the
stage to perform with their official lead singer. Jason gave Lukas a quick
hug, before donning an expression as if he’d punch the next person who
spoke to him. Someone must’ve let slip that even Dateline‘s ratings were pummeling those of the Rock Star finale. He picked up his bass and stood as far away from Lukas and the others as possible.

Gilby
and Tommy embraced Lukas, and the band played “Be Yourself (and Five
Other Cliches),” a song they’d tried a few weeks back with Toby on
vocals. Tommy smiled widely during the performance, and Gilby
frequently interacted with Lukas.

Brooke then called them back to the front
of the stage to sign off for the season. Jason crossed his arms and
scowled the entire time, because he was missing the end of Dancing with the Stars.

The
band again took up their instruments, this time to play “It’s All
Love.” Lukas asked Magni (who sang the song with the band last week) to
come out and play acoustic guitar with them. As they performed, the
credits rolled, and the show faded out.

The first thing the band
is going to have to do is move the songs to a key that Lukas can
actually sing. Either that, or Lukas needs to work on his range. He had
a rougher time with the new tunes than he did with most of his covers
during the season. And Gilby’s harmonies didn’t mesh well with his
voice, either.

It wasn’t the best first impression to offer the band’s potential fans. But it
seemed fitting to go out on a sour note, since Jason already looked set
to quit the band.

To almost nobody’s surprise, Tucker Carlson was the first celebrity eliminated from Dancing with the Stars 3. And it appears that Jerry Springer is more popular that he thought. He
was near the top in the audience voting, despite barely surviving his
Cha Cha Cha.

During a quick recap of last night’s performances,
Joey Lawrence revealed that his pants ripped during his routine.
Regarding his own routine, Tucker said, “Our campaign is not based on
competence. It’s based on fun.”

After the recap, the judges
asked Emmitt Smith & Cheryl Burke to give an encore of their Cha
Cha Cha. They did, and it was pretty much a carbon copy of the entertaining original.

Tom
Jones took the stage next, singing his classic, “It’s Not Unusual.”
During the song, Louis van Amstel and Karina Smirnoff (whose outfit
took fringe to new lengths) danced a Samba, which showed us what we already knew: the celebrities are doing well, but the professionals are on a whole different level.

As
medical staff brought out a tank of oxygen and some high-waisted pants
for Tom Jones after his song, Samantha Harris talked to some of the
couples backstage. Sara Evans said her icy reception from the judges
was shocking, but made her want to work harder. Tucker said he hoped to
improve his scores by working “more actual dancing” into next week’s
routine.

Tom Bergeron then introduced a new show feature.
Members of last night’s studio audience — including a number of
non-dancing celebrities who showed up to watch the competition — had
some of their comments filmed. One man nicknamed Mario Lopez “M-Lo.”
Actress Holly Robinson Peete said she liked Emmitt’s performance. And
comedian Nicole Sullivan said, “If there’s a God in heaven, we won’t
see Tucker sitting in a chair next week…unless it’s on some other
show.”

Tom and Samantha brought the couples onto the dance floor
to announce the first of the couples who would be safe until next week.
They were Harry Hamlin & Ashly DelGrosso, Jerry Springer & Kym
Johnson, Vivica A. Fox & Nick Kosovich, and Emmitt & Cheryl.
The announcement of his safety prompted Jerry to mutter a confused,
“What?”

Another new show feature this season is the SlimFast
Dance Challenge. Working mom Tysonia Sichinga volunteered to train with
professional dancer Christian Perry in the hopes of toning her arms and
slimming her buns. Footage showed Tysonia learning the Mambo in five
days for a performance in front of family and friends. The show will
track Tysonia’s progress as she attempts a new dance each week. Next
up: the Tango.

In anticipation of one of the dances some
celebrities will perform next week, the professionals gave a live
demonstration of the Mambo. Proving that he knows how to choreograph
for TV, Tony Dovolani made sure to place Maksim Chmerkovskiy front and
center — where he danced with two partners, Cheryl and Edyta
Sliwinska, early in the routine.

Afterward, the pros caught
their breath while Samantha talked to the four safe celebs backstage.
Jerry said he was so sure he’d be eliminated, he already checked out of
his hotel. He said, “Obviously people aren’t voting based on the
dancing.”

Harry said he’s looking forward to the quickstep next
week “because you can be really stiff from the waist up.” Vivica said
she’s her own biggest competition, but she’s worried about “brother
Emmitt over here.”

After a commercial break, Tom brought all of
the couples still eligible for elimination on to the dance floor and
asked the judges which couple they thought should go home. Len Goodman
nominated Shanna Moakler & Jesse DeSoto, saying they had “no
charisma.” Bruno Tonioli said it wouldn’t be fair to the other
competitors if Tucker stayed, because he was seated for half his dance.
Carrie Ann Inaba said she wasn’t impressed with what Sara brought to
the dance floor.

Everyone cleared the floor so that a
resuscitated Tom Jones could perform “She’s a Lady.” His voice sounds
remarkably good, especially compared to the painful performances of
Bill Medley and Barry Manilow last season. During the song, a camera
pan of the audience showed Jose Canseco, a former baseball player best
known for taking steroids and having a ball bounce off of his head for
an opponent’s home run.

Samantha and Tom then announced the next
couples who’d be returning for next week: Monique Coleman & Louis,
Joey & Edyta, Mario & Karina, and Sara & Tony. That left
Tucker & Elena Grinenko, Shanna & Jesse, and Willa Ford &
Max in the Bottom Three.

For Willa to wind up in the Bottom
Three after finishing in third with the judges, it meant that she
severely lacked audience support, and she could be in big trouble the first
time she has an off week with the judges.

For Jerry and Harry (and their respective partners) to avoid even flirting with the
Bottom Three, it seems they’ve got a surfeit of fans. Those two may
last a very long time, especially if their dancing improves.

Shanna
& Jesse were the first Bottom Three couple announced as safe until next week. Willa put her head on Max’s shoulder as Tom paused dramatically… before
finally announcing that Tucker & Elena had the lowest overall score
and were eliminated. Tom commended Tucker for coming so far out of his
comfort zone to appear on the show.

Tucker said that Kenny Mayne
convinced him to participate on the show, proving that mere association
with Kenny is enough to get you eliminated first. Tucker said that
Elena’s task was akin to “Einstein teaching addition to a slow kid.”
Tom then directed all of the offended slow kids to send their letters
right to Tucker, and not ABC.

Season 3 of Dancing with the Stars is finally upon us. Some of the celebrities have some serious dance skills, and not necessarily the celebs you’d expect. Hint: one of them used to play football.

Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris returned as hosts this season, and they started things off by introducing the new cast. They also acknowledged the new and improved ballroom, complete with balconies and chandeliers Tom said were stolen from a travelling production of Phantom of the Opera.

Tonight, the female stars danced the Fox Trot, while the men danced the Cha Cha Cha.

Joey Lawrence and Edyta Sliwinska – Cha Cha Cha
Joey said the last time he danced in front of anyone, he was seven years old. Edyta said her choreography is inspired by “creatures of the jungle.”

During their performance — to a low-energy rendition of “I Like the Way You Move” — the couple couldn’t stop grinning. Joey’s experience and commitment to practicing showed, as did his fondness for strong arm gestures. He’ll have fun with the Paso Doble.

After the dance, Tom introduced the judges, all of whom returned from last season. Head Judge Len Goodman said he expected fun energy and hip movement in the Cha Cha Cha. He told Joey to work on his hips. Bruno Tonioli said the couple “could be a match made in heaven.” Carrie Ann Inaba said that Joey’s a powerful performer, but he needs to work on his arms. Joey replied, “Arms. Done.” Even though it was the first performance of the season, the crowd started early and booed the scores.
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 7, Bruno: 7 = 21/30




Sara Evans and Tony Dovolani – Fox Trot
Sara revealed that she broke both of her legs when she was 8, so ballroom dancing was something she’d never dreamt of doing. Tony said that, when he dances, he’s the lion and his partner is the lioness. Sara took Tony on the road with her during her concert tour so that they could train.

It was a pretty performance, but Tony needs to stop having Sara do high kicks to avoid unfair comparisons to Stacy Keibler, his leggy partner from last season. Sara had a pained (or maybe just nervous) look on her face for much of the dance.

Len said that the Fox Trot requires gliding and romance. He noted that the celebs had longer to practice this season than last, so his expectations are higher. He said that Sara didn’t glide. Bruno said Sara had a split personality, “switching from Jackie O. to Barbara Bush.” Carrie Ann told Sara to relax and extend her arms. The crowd booed loudly during the comments, and only got louder when the judges revealed their scores.
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 5, Len: 5, Bruno: 5 = 15/30




Tucker Carlson and Elena Grinenko – Cha Cha Cha
Tucker admitted that he has no dance experience, and Elena added that he also has no natural ability. She’s just hoping to get him through one episode.

They used the first prop of the night, as Tucker sat in a chair for the start of the song, before Elena ripped off his trademark bow tie. He’s the show’s everyman, and by that, I mean that he looked stiff and uncomfortable.

Carrie Ann said that Tucker looked like he had a good time even though he only danced for half of the song. Len said that “the problems started as soon as Tucker stood up.” Bruno called the dance “an awful mess” and said Tucker “looked like he was sitting on the toilet.” Tucker said at least it was an artful put-down. Tucker said he’s gonna win Bruno over, after the “seeds of affection marinate in him a while.”
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 5, Len: 4, Bruno: 3 = 12/30




Monique Coleman and Louis van Amstel – Fox Trot
Monique said that she knows how to dance, but she’s best at krump. Louis said, “She’s young, she’s flexible, so I can mold her into anything I want.” Louis pushed Monique hard in training, making her cry, but she knew it was because he sees potential in her.

During the performance, she was the first celebrity who really tried to emote through her facial expressions. She moved beautifully and could be a sleeper contender.

Bruno said Monique’s “a dream girl in the making,” but she has to keep her hips under her. Carrie Ann said Monique’s arms were beautiful, but that she “overdanced it with her face.” Len agreed that Monique had gorgeous arms, but felt the dance had “as much romance as an autopsy.” He told Louis to take Monique out to dinner and romance her a bit.
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 6, Len: 6, Bruno: 7 = 19/30




Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke – Cha Cha Cha
Emmitt’s used to taking direction, but probably not from a coach that charges a quarter for his mistakes. (He owed Cheryl $2 at one practice.)

Based on how loudly the crowd cheered during the dance, they are the early crowd favorites. Emmitt moves likes someone who has danced before, even if just for fun. Jerry Rice has to be jealous. Cheryl even choreographed in some of Emmitt’s pop ‘n’ lock moves.

Carrie Ann called Emmitt over to the judge’s table, shook his hand, and said, “You can dance!” Len said Emmitt is a natural and that the performance was a joy. Bruno said, “For the first time tonight, I wanted to join in and dance.”
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 8, Len: 8, Bruno: 8 = 24/30




Willa Ford and Maksim Chmerkovskiy – Fox Trot
Willa said about Max, “He’s a very attractive man, and he knows it.” Max posed in front of the mirrors in the practice studio, flexed his arm, and told Willa to “grab my beautiful muscle.”

They performed to Spandau Ballet’s “True.” They obviously liked dancing with each other, grinning the entire performance. Willa looked polished, and they seemed like they’ve been dancing together longer than 6 weeks.

Bruno said, “What an exquisite treat.” He complimented Willa on spinning well and said she has a great teacher. Carrie Ann said Willa was “graceful and flawless.” Len liked the fluid movement, but told her to work on her footwork: “Sometimes your feet are a little bit bizarre.”
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 7, Bruno: 8 = 22/30




Mario Lopez and Karina Smirnoff – Cha Cha Cha
Mario was hyper in rehearsal, giving Karina “Mario Overload.” At one point, she put tape over his mouth. During one poor practice, Karina said, “Len Goodman is gonna have a field trip with this.”

During the performance, Mario looked like he was having a great time, making the dance look easy. Karina’s choreography really took advantage of Mario’s manic energy.

Len said the performance was “one of the best of the night.” Bruno declared, “Super Mario, the hottest Latino in town! Do you have extra batteries in your pants?” Carrie Ann loved the chemistry and Mario’s hip action, and called them the couple to beat.
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 9, Len: 8, Bruno: 9 = 26/30




Shanna Moakler and Jesse DeSoto – Fox Trot
Jesse said that, since Shanna’s also dealing with the stress of a public divorce, she’s her own worst enemy on the dance floor. It’s hard for her to leave her baggage behind.

Their performance, set to “Saving All My Love For You,” was nice, but not passionate or moving.

Bruno said Shanna needs to sustain the performance the whole way through, and not turn into an “ice queen.” Carrie Ann thought it was nice and that Shanna had good posture. Len said he was expecting more, since she’s pretty and she has a great partner. He said he didn’t like her footwork or holds.
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 5, Bruno: 6 = 18/30




Harry Hamlin and Ashly DelGrosso – Cha Cha Cha
Ashly said that training with Harry is completely different than training with Master P, which is a good thing. Harry spent more time practicing for this first performance than P did all last season.

They performed to “Disco Inferno,” and, thankfully, didn’t go for gimmicky ’70s outfits. Harry tried hard to nail the technical details, but his carriage was very stiff. It looked like Ashly danced around him, more than with him.

Carrie Ann said she had high hopes for Harry, but the performance was “stiff and awkward.” Len called it “mechanical.” Bruno said it was like Harry was fighting the kraken in Clash of the Titans again, just waiting to get it over with.

In response, Harry pulled Medusa’s head out of a sack and turned Bruno to stone.
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 5, Len: 6, Bruno: 6 = 17/30




Vivica A. Fox and Nick Kosovich – Fox Trot
Vivica said the extent of her dancing experience was playing a stripper in Independence Day. But she and Nick looked elegant and very comfortable together during their performance. Vivica paid attention to detail, and the routine even allowed her to show some tough girl attitude.

Bruno said, “You’re a bad girl, aren’t you? I loved it.” Len said Vivica sold it, and that the dance was “sophisticated.” Carrie Ann said that Vivica was feisty, but her technique was a little lacking. Bruno and Len objected, but Carrie Ann said she believes in Vivica and just wanted to see it come together a little better.
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 6, Len: 8, Bruno: 8 = 22/30




Jerry Springer and Kym Johnson – Cha Cha Cha
Jerry’s using DwtS as training for his daughter’s wedding in January. Upon meeting Kym, he asked if she’d if she lost a contest and gotten stuck with him as her celebrity.

Jerry’s suit jacket for the performance had a weird, black karate belt thing wrapped around it. He moved about as well as George Hamilton did last season. Kym was a great partner, even though the routine got little gimmicky at the end, with Jerry throwing dollar bills around.

Len said Jerry held his own against the young guys. Carrie Ann said he forgot his choreography a few times, but that it was obvious that he was having fun. Bruno said that Jerry must have attended “The George Hamilton School of Dancing,” and that the performance was endearing.
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 5, Len: 5, Bruno: 6 = 16/30




Leaderboard:
1 – Mario & Karina
2 – Emmitt & Cheryl
3 (tie) – Willa & Maksim and Vivica & Nick
5 – Joey & Edyta
6 – Monique & Louis
7 – Shanna & Jesse
8 – Harry & Ashly
9 – Jerry & Kym
10 – Sara & Tony
11 – Tucker & Elena

My vote went to Emmitt Smith tonight (and not just because his partner was nice enough to give me an interview back in March). I had assumed he’d be another stiff ex-athlete, but his dancing ability was a pleasant surprise.

The season’s first elimination takes place tomorrow night, after a special performance by Tom Jones.