DwtS 3, Week 1: Results Show

To almost nobody’s surprise, Tucker Carlson was the first celebrity eliminated from Dancing with the Stars 3. And it appears that Jerry Springer is more popular that he thought. He
was near the top in the audience voting, despite barely surviving his
Cha Cha Cha.

During a quick recap of last night’s performances,
Joey Lawrence revealed that his pants ripped during his routine.
Regarding his own routine, Tucker said, “Our campaign is not based on
competence. It’s based on fun.”

After the recap, the judges
asked Emmitt Smith & Cheryl Burke to give an encore of their Cha
Cha Cha. They did, and it was pretty much a carbon copy of the entertaining original.

Tom
Jones took the stage next, singing his classic, “It’s Not Unusual.”
During the song, Louis van Amstel and Karina Smirnoff (whose outfit
took fringe to new lengths) danced a Samba, which showed us what we already knew: the celebrities are doing well, but the professionals are on a whole different level.

As
medical staff brought out a tank of oxygen and some high-waisted pants
for Tom Jones after his song, Samantha Harris talked to some of the
couples backstage. Sara Evans said her icy reception from the judges
was shocking, but made her want to work harder. Tucker said he hoped to
improve his scores by working “more actual dancing” into next week’s
routine.

Tom Bergeron then introduced a new show feature.
Members of last night’s studio audience — including a number of
non-dancing celebrities who showed up to watch the competition — had
some of their comments filmed. One man nicknamed Mario Lopez “M-Lo.”
Actress Holly Robinson Peete said she liked Emmitt’s performance. And
comedian Nicole Sullivan said, “If there’s a God in heaven, we won’t
see Tucker sitting in a chair next week…unless it’s on some other
show.”

Tom and Samantha brought the couples onto the dance floor
to announce the first of the couples who would be safe until next week.
They were Harry Hamlin & Ashly DelGrosso, Jerry Springer & Kym
Johnson, Vivica A. Fox & Nick Kosovich, and Emmitt & Cheryl.
The announcement of his safety prompted Jerry to mutter a confused,
“What?”

Another new show feature this season is the SlimFast
Dance Challenge. Working mom Tysonia Sichinga volunteered to train with
professional dancer Christian Perry in the hopes of toning her arms and
slimming her buns. Footage showed Tysonia learning the Mambo in five
days for a performance in front of family and friends. The show will
track Tysonia’s progress as she attempts a new dance each week. Next
up: the Tango.

In anticipation of one of the dances some
celebrities will perform next week, the professionals gave a live
demonstration of the Mambo. Proving that he knows how to choreograph
for TV, Tony Dovolani made sure to place Maksim Chmerkovskiy front and
center — where he danced with two partners, Cheryl and Edyta
Sliwinska, early in the routine.

Afterward, the pros caught
their breath while Samantha talked to the four safe celebs backstage.
Jerry said he was so sure he’d be eliminated, he already checked out of
his hotel. He said, “Obviously people aren’t voting based on the
dancing.”

Harry said he’s looking forward to the quickstep next
week “because you can be really stiff from the waist up.” Vivica said
she’s her own biggest competition, but she’s worried about “brother
Emmitt over here.”

After a commercial break, Tom brought all of
the couples still eligible for elimination on to the dance floor and
asked the judges which couple they thought should go home. Len Goodman
nominated Shanna Moakler & Jesse DeSoto, saying they had “no
charisma.” Bruno Tonioli said it wouldn’t be fair to the other
competitors if Tucker stayed, because he was seated for half his dance.
Carrie Ann Inaba said she wasn’t impressed with what Sara brought to
the dance floor.

Everyone cleared the floor so that a
resuscitated Tom Jones could perform “She’s a Lady.” His voice sounds
remarkably good, especially compared to the painful performances of
Bill Medley and Barry Manilow last season. During the song, a camera
pan of the audience showed Jose Canseco, a former baseball player best
known for taking steroids and having a ball bounce off of his head for
an opponent’s home run.

Samantha and Tom then announced the next
couples who’d be returning for next week: Monique Coleman & Louis,
Joey & Edyta, Mario & Karina, and Sara & Tony. That left
Tucker & Elena Grinenko, Shanna & Jesse, and Willa Ford &
Max in the Bottom Three.

For Willa to wind up in the Bottom
Three after finishing in third with the judges, it meant that she
severely lacked audience support, and she could be in big trouble the first
time she has an off week with the judges.

For Jerry and Harry (and their respective partners) to avoid even flirting with the
Bottom Three, it seems they’ve got a surfeit of fans. Those two may
last a very long time, especially if their dancing improves.

Shanna
& Jesse were the first Bottom Three couple announced as safe until next week. Willa put her head on Max’s shoulder as Tom paused dramatically… before
finally announcing that Tucker & Elena had the lowest overall score
and were eliminated. Tom commended Tucker for coming so far out of his
comfort zone to appear on the show.

Tucker said that Kenny Mayne
convinced him to participate on the show, proving that mere association
with Kenny is enough to get you eliminated first. Tucker said that
Elena’s task was akin to “Einstein teaching addition to a slow kid.”
Tom then directed all of the offended slow kids to send their letters
right to Tucker, and not ABC.