A Wonderful Collage Do-Hickey (Episode 4-7)

Filler material dominated the second to last episode of Nashville Star
4
, but all of the remaining contestants eventually performed. It was then announced that Nicole Jamrose had miraculously avoided elimination, even after her poor performance last week. Waylon Jennings wannabe Matt Mason took the fall instead.

In addition to the usual guest
performance that allows me time to prepare a snack (this week was Hank
Williams Jr.), Wynonna’s prettier, younger sister Ashley came by to
give Wy a sorry excuse for an award. In honor of the occasion, Wynonna
decided to wear her girdle on the outside of her clothes.

Wy’s
record label created a video montage of her, which Ashley introduced by
mentioning the “obnoxious” 40 million records Wy’s sold. When
presenting the award, a framed collection of photos of Wynonna, Ashley
said, “Here’s a wonderful collage do-hickey.” I’m sure it was the
touching moment the label had hoped for.

All of the contestants
returned home this past week to perform at charity events organized by
State Farm. It was a particularly special trip for Nicole, who
celebrated her appointment as Hospitality Ambassador for Lake County,
Indiana with a trip to the state’s finest eating establishment, Red
Lobster. It’s one of the few Indiana restaurants that require both
shoes and shirt for service, so you know it’s fancy.

Everyone
gave good performances, which they should if they’re the four best
singers. Casey lost points when he went for cheap votes and “gave the
glory to God” after performing one of God’s biggest hits, “How Great
Thou Art.” I’d like to know if God gets an equal share of the blame
when Casey has an off night.

Inexplicably, Scott Weiland and
Duff McKagan served as guest judges. Duff, who is Keanu Reeves’s blond
doppelganger, deserves props for actually watching the show – he told
Nicole her performance tonight was better than last week’s.

Scott
Weiland was largely unintelligible, uttering more, “ums” than a debate
class full of high school freshman. I’m pretty sure I saw his eyes
light up when Matt used the word “cocaine” in his song.

Nicole
was the first finalist announced, and the ensuing commercial break gave
everyone in the theater a chance to utter a collective “What the fuck?”
Chris was announced next, followed by Casey. Matt smiled the whole
time, sensing that the jig was up as soon as he heard Nicole was safe.
But if Wynonna and Anastasia have anything to say about it, this won’t
be the last we’ve heard from Matt Mason. Well, it’s probably the last
I’ll hear of him, since I only listen to country when this show is on.

For next week’s finale, Big & Rich return as guest judges. Apparently, the cast of Law & Order: SVU
was unavailable, since the show usually grasps for every TV network or
music label cross-promotion it can get. The guest performer is Cowboy
Troy, again because the cast of Law & Order: SVU was unavailable — except Ice T, but who wants to hear him? Go to the Nashville Star website to vote for your favorite singer and the song you’d like to hear him or her perform next week.

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