Gilby Clarke and Tommy Lee should’ve easily stolen the show with their special performances on this week’s Rock Star: Supernova. But, once again, that honor went to Zayra’s wardrobe. Her most mundane article of clothing was an enormous top hat.

The
show began with footage from the reality episode, with special emphasis
placed on the contestants’ reluctance to perform with Gilby. Dave
Navarro said that, if he could, he’d give Dilana the job right now just
because she was the only one who pursued the chance to perform with a
Supernovan.

Dilana – “Won’t Get Fooled Again” by The Who
With
her hair back and makeup toned down, Dilana is a very pretty girl. That
won’t hurt her chances. Dilana did a fine job singing, but the song
arrangement plodded along. Gilby added some weak backing vocals,
prompting Supernova to eliminate him from the band. But the band was
impressed by Dilana, and Gilby said she had erased any doubts about
whether a woman could front the band.

Jill – “Mother Mother” by Tracy Bonham
This
song stinks, so it did Jill no favors. But she the made the most of her
hair extensions, swinging her head around like…well, like a girl
pretending to front a heavy metal band. Jason Newsted said that she
lost the power in her voice by running around like an idiot.

Ryan – “Paint It Black” by The Rolling Stones
Ryan
upped the theatrics this week, sporting a hoodie with a horse mane on
the hood and wearing black eye makeup. Trying to make a Zayra-like
spectacle of the song, his ridiculous look distracted viewers from his
vocals. Honestly, I can’t remember how well (or poorly) he sang. When
Tommy called the performance “interesting,” Dave retorted, “That was
the shit and you know it!” Maybe it was great in person, but on TV the
performance looked stupid. However, like Zayra, Ryan gets credit for
mixing things up.

Storm – “We Are the Champions” by Queen
This
song has made plenty of competent singers look terrible, but Storm
totally held her own, turning out the best non-Freddie Mercury version
of the song I’ve heard. She’s gotten better with each week, and she’s
the only woman who poses a credible threat to Dilana. Tommy said that
he was afraid the band had spooked her from doing her crazy eyes, but
Storm promised to “spank the crap” out of Supernova next time. She then
laughed maniacally until the commercial break.

Zayra – “All the Young Dudes” by Mott the Hoople
Holy
crap. Wearing the tightest gold lame catsuit in the universe, Zayra
looked like a crazy carnival barker in a top hat and the tallest
platform heels I’ve ever seen. Her vocals were even pretty good, as
she’d rearranged the melody to display her voice to best advantage.
Magni was nice enough to accompany her on guitar.

Dave said that, if this were Rock Star: Planet Pluto,
Zayra would win for sure. The rest of the guys were a little skeptical
about her vocals, but she said he was happy with her performance. And
her outfit.

Josh – “Interstate Love Song” by Stone Temple Pilots
Josh
got a surprise when Tommy decided to play drums for the song. Josh
sounded fine, but he spent the entire song rocking from side to side
like a pendulum in front of his mic stand, as he played guitar. Tommy
said the guitar “froze up the funk.” Dave said that while Josh was
good, good might not be good enough at this point in the competition.

Magni – “The Dolphin’s Cry” by Live
This
is the lamest song in the history of rock n’ roll, but more on that
later. Magni shushed the crowd before playing a solo acoustic version
of the song. He sounded great, and his baby boy listened from the crowd
wearing an enormous pair of headphones. Gilby said Magni’s perseverance
while living apart from his family was an inspiration to everyone.

If you like this song, head butt the person next to you right now to
earn back some of your rock credibility. A song about sobbing cetaceans
is the kind of thing a 10-year-old girl would write if she could put
out an album. It would be a nice accompaniment to songs like, “(I Wanna
Go To) Piercing Pagoda,” “Pony Slumber Party,” and “You’re Not My Real
Mom!”

What’s even worse is that writing bad rock songs about
sappy social and environmental themes is hardly a new idea. White Lion
did it almost 20 years ago with songs like “When the Children Cry” and
“Little Fighter!” The only reason it was okay when they did it was
because it was the late ’80s and they had a Danish lead singer. Live
has no excuse.

Patrice – “Instant Karma” by John Lennon
There’s
something about Patrice that always feels a little anemic unless her
energy is cranked to eleven. This was another underwhelming
performance, made more awkward by her plastered-on cheerleader smile.
The band gave her a pass because they appreciated her song choice.

Lukas – “Creep” by Radiohead
Hey,
Lukas can actually sing. And I even understood the words. This was the
right performance at the right time to save Lukas from falling out of
contention. Jason was especially pleased; this is what he’s wanted to
see from Lukas since the beginning.

Toby – “Burning Down the House” by Talking Heads
Thankfully,
Toby didn’t try to do a David Byrne impression. His straight rock
version made me appreciate the song even more. He couldn’t resist the
lure of the of the megaphone, handed to him on stage by a cloaked
Zayra. To make the megaphone gimmick more interesting, he wrapped it in
an Australian flag and ended the song with the megaphone’s built-in siren effect. Dave told Toby that he was good enough without the props.

Toby
may want this more than anyone else. It’s just too bad he wasn’t on
last season, because there’s no way that INXS would’ve let him go. And
it’s nice to see Toby, Magni, and Zayra helping each other out. It’s
like all of the foreign exchange students hanging out together at
school.

Early Bottom Three:
Jill
Zayra
Patrice

Josh
is the only other one who should be in any trouble, although Ryan could
wind up in the Bottom Three if his equine goth look wigged people out.

My
vote went to Storm. “We Are the Champions” is such a hard song to sing,
and she deserves tons of credit for doing it justice. But I’m guessing
the encore goes to Lukas.