TAR All-Stars: Episode 4

One good result of tonight’s episode of The Amazing Race: All Stars
is that the other teams will now have to find something besides Rob
& Amber to focus on. As for me, I’ll actually miss them a bit. I
didn’t want them to win, but they never made for boring TV.

Teams
started the leg in Petrohue, Chile, and flew to Punta Arenas, Chile, to
search for a wrecked ship. The last two teams to leave the Pit Stop,
The Guidos and Charla & Mirna, missed the first flight, putting
them almost two hours behind the pack.

In fairness, Charla &
Mirna have more to overcome than their competitors. If you don’t
believe me (and I myself don’t), just ask Mirna. According to her: “I
do more than any one single person has probably ever had to do on the
race to compensate for any shortcomings that we have.”

At
the shipwreck, teams found a Detour — Navigate It or Sign It — that
drew on the region’s connection to explorer Ferdinand Magellan.

In
Navigate It, teams used maps and a compass to find a building housing a
deep-sea salvage business. In Sign It, teams had to use another map to
correctly identify and spell the fourteen stops on Magellan’s voyage,
and then arrange them correctly on a vertical signpost.

Oswald
& Danny, Eric & Danielle, and Teri & Ian immediately chose
Navigate It. This turned out to be the much simpler task because there
was only one way to screw it up — you were either walking the right
direction, or you weren’t.

On the other hand, Rob & Amber, Uchenna & Joyce, and the Beauty Queens each found a different way to fail at Sign It.

Rob
& Amber got the order of the ports correct, but misspelled
Philippines (as “Phillipeans”). Uchenna & Joyce thought that the
legendary Portugese explorer started his voyage in Guam, instead of
Seville. And Dustin & Kandice invented extra rules to follow,
halting their progress.

Uchenna & Joyce were the only ones
to figure out their error, but they didn’t do it quickly enough. The
three teams who’d chosen Navigate It had already taken all of the seats
on the first of two charter planes to their next destination: Ushuaia,
Argentina. The second charter would leave three hours later than the
first.

The Beauty Queens suggested working together with Rob
& Amber on Navigate It, rather than allowing the Guidos and Charla
& Mirna to catch up. Unfortunately, the sign debacle had shattered
Rob’s confidence, and he started making mistakes that hurt both teams.

As
the teams tried to figure out their compasses, the Guidos (whose flight
had landed two hours later) ran right past them, mid-Detour. Then, Rob
led the teams to a naval museum instead of the salvage company. After
finally finding their clue, Kandice observed, “I don’t think that
teaming up with Rob & Amber was necessarily helpful.”

Meanwhile,
Charla & Mirna worked against themselves, spending more time
arguing about their slow progress than picking up the pace. They were
lucky that there were only two charter flights.

When the first
flight arrived in Ushuaia, teams rode to the seaside Playa Larga to
look for their next clue. Teri & Ian ran down the first trail they
saw, in the opposite direction of the trail marked with red-and-yellow Amazing Race flags.

Ozzy
& Danny and Eric & Danielle found the clue first, directing
them to Isla Redonda, the southernmost point of South America. Ferries
to the island ran every 20 minutes, and each could carry a maximum of
two teams.

Eric & Danielle and Ozzy & Danny shared the first ferry, and Teri & Ian caught the second.

On
Isla Redonda, teams entered “The Post Office at the End of the World”
for their next Roadblock. One team member sorted through a large bag of
mail looking for a letter addressed to his team.

Ozzy, Eric, and
eventually Teri did the sorting, and were pleased to discover that
their letters were written by another team from their original season.
Ozzy & Danny heard from Blake & Paige, Eric & Danielle from
their former partners Jeremy and Dani, and Teri & Ian get a letter
from Season 3 winners Flo & Zach.

After reading their letter
and getting their clue, Ozzy & Danny ran to the Pit Stop, finished
the leg in first place, and won a trip to Maui. When Danny asked Phil
Keoghan if he’d like to join them on vacation, Phil replied, “That’s a
whole different reality show.”

Eric & Danielle came in second, followed by Teri & Ian in third.

When
the second charter arrived, the Guidos, Uchenna & Joyce, and the
Beauty Queens got the only cabs outside the airport, and Rob &
Amber and Charla & Mirna were forced to wait. The lead teams found
their clue with no problems and gathered at the dock to wait for the
ferry.

After finally hailing cabs, Rob & Amber reached Playa
Larga first and ran down the same incorrect path that Teri & Ian
had. Amber realized they’d gone the wrong way, and they turned around.
As they approached Charla & Mirna, Amber shouted, “I got it!” and
Rob waved an old clue around.

For just a moment, Charla &
Mirna believed Amber, and they continued down the wrong path. When they
realized they’d been had, they cursed Amber as a liar and turned around.

Of
the teams still racing, The Guidos and the Beauty Queens were on the
first ferry to Isla Redonda. The Guidos got a nonsensical rhyme from
Frank, one half of Frank & Margaretta. The Beauty Queens received a
kind letter from Lyn, the nicer half of their Season 10 arch-rivals,
Lyn & Karlyn.

Season 7 rivals Uchenna & Joyce and Rob
& Amber travelled in the next ferry. Uchenna & Joyce got a
letter from Susan & Patrick, encouraging them not to trust “you
know who.” (Rob & Amber, of course)

As Rob sifted through
his sack of mail, Charla & Mirna showed up. When Mirna found her
team’s letter first, they taunted Rob & Amber, Charla going so far
as to call Amber, “Lying bitch!”

Fittingly, the cousins’ letter
was from Marshall & Lance, the two brothers famous for coining
“Mirna & Schmirna,” and for driving by Mirna and yelling out,
“Bitch!” during Season 5. The pizza-making brothers hoped for the
cousins’ swift elimination.

Rob found his team’s letter, which
was also from Susan & Patrick. Like Marshall & Lance, the
mother-son duo took the opportunity to hurl childish remarks, while
their targets were half-a-world away. Patrick wished car trouble and
starvation upon Rob & Amber.

Not knowing how far this
season’s biggest threats were behind them, Mirna screamed at Charla,
“Level 5! Level 5!” Whatever the hell it meant, it worked, and Charla
& Mirna finished second to last, again.

Rob & Amber
reached the finish mat and were informed that they’d been eliminated
from the race. They lied and said they were happy just to have had the
chance to compete again.

Next week, expect many of the teams to
attribute Rob & Amber’s elimination to some kind of karmic
retribution. Also, teams take part in a challenge involving a giant rat
— and Joyce is the only one who thinks the rat is cute. I guess that
explains Uchenna. (Zing!)

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