Past penalties and current currents finally took their toll on Tom
& Terry. Their defeated mood made the setbacks insurmountable, and
they were the next team eliminated from The Amazing Race.

The
Cho Brothers, Erwin & Godwin, left the previous leg’s Pit Stop at 10:55 p.m., giving them less than an hour’s lead over the last place team. The clue directed
teams to travel by cab into Hanoi to Ly Thai To Garden, where they
needed to listen for their next clue.

On their way to the cabs,
teams needed to pick up some local currency from an old man at a table.
With a straight face, beauty queens Dustin & Kandice told the old
man, “We’re here to pick up our dong.”

Teams arrived at the park
and noticed that the Public Address system was blaring a message that
began in English: “Attention racers…” The announcement instructed
teams to take a cab to a bus station, and then take a bus 103 miles to
the Hydrofoil Harbor in Ha Long Bay.

Several teams wrote down
approximations of the confusing names of their destinations, while
others were clever enough to have their cabbies get out of the car and
listen to the message with them. Tyler & James chose the latter
option and were first team to hit the road.

Trying to cut
corners, Rob & Kimberly told their cab driver to follow Tyler &
James. They soon lost the other cab in heavy traffic and were forced to
return to the park.

His anger rising, Rob pulled their bags from
the cab, found a new driver, and had him listen to the announcement.
The new driver indicated that he understood, but drove them in a
circle. “He’s just toying with us right now,” Rob muttered.

When
they returned to the park for a second time, Rob & Kimberly found
their third cabbie. He did understand the directions, but Rob wasn’t
any happier. “I’m done talking with foreigners,” he declared. That
strategy could have worked for him if he’d raced in the Family Edition,
but it won’t fly here.

The bus to Ha Long Bay departed at 5
a.m., with all of the teams aboard. When they arrived at the Hydrofoil
Harbor, teams found their next clue. It was a Roadblock that asked,
“Who’s got strong arms and legs?”

For this Roadblock, one team
member would use a mechanical ascender to climb a sheer rock face. The
ascenders are a TAR staple, because they’re difficult to get used to
and require a lot of strength and coordination.

Teams climbed in
the order they arrived at a floating platform, just under the rock
face. Because there we only three ascenders, some teams would have to
wait for previous teams to finish.

The teams ran from the
cluebox to the individual speedboats that would take them to the
platform. Dustin & Kandice cut in front of single moms Lyn &
Karlyn and jumped into their boat. Dustin cut her leg during the jump,
and the mothers felt that was a fitting punishment for cutting them off.

David
& Mary, Tom & Terry, and Rob & Kimberly reached the
platform first. David, Terry, and Rob were their teams’
representatives, and they began their ascent up the wall. Lyn &
Karlyn and Erwin & Godwin were the next teams to arrive, and Karlyn
and Godwin were forced to wait for their turns to ascend.

Sarah
was eager to do her first Roadblock on the race — until she saw the
first racers climbing the wall using only their arm strength and one
foot in a rope stirrup to push them upward. Her nervous tension grew as
she waited on the platform, and Peter didn’t help matters by shouting
out comments like, “Hold that handicapped placard out and tell them
you’re next.”

Rob was the first racer down the wall, receiving a
clue that directed his team to nearby Sung Sot Cave. As Karlyn took
over on Rob’s ascender, Lyn, in an effort to both shock and encourage
her teammate, yelled, “If you can have a baby without anesthesia, you
can climb this rock!”

As other climbers came down, Godwin went
up the wall next, followed by Sarah. She struggled at first to find her
balance, and her leg became tangled in the rope. She calmed herself
down enough to find a good rhythm and was on her way.

All the
while, Peter lounged in the boat, shouting cliched motivational phrases
to Sarah and only half paying attention to what she was doing.

When
the next ascender became available, Tyler took off, passing Sarah. She
wasn’t pleased about being passed, but climbed on, reaching the top not
long after him. Dustin was the last racer to finish the wall.

Over
at Sung Sot Cave, Rob & Kimberly searched the cave for the next
clue. In their eagerness to pass the milling sightseers, Rob hit his
head on the cave’s low ceiling. After a good while searching, they
found the clue. It was the leg’s Detour: “Over or Under.”

In Over, teams traveled by junk
to a buoy, and then boarded into a flat-bottomed rowboat called a
sampan. They then rowed to a supply ship, loaded up their little boat
with supplies, and delivered the goods to two addresses in a nearby
floating village. When finished, they rowed back to the supply ship.

In
Under, teams also traveled by junk to the buoy, but this time they
rowed to a nearby pearl farm. Teams had to follow a string of sunken
oyster pots, lift 30 pots from the water, and deliver them to the pearl
farmer.

For both tasks, the biggest impediment to success was
the sampan. The oars of the little boats were placed just far enough
apart that teams couldn’t tell if it was supposed to be rowed by one
person or two. Add to that strong winds, choppy seas, and — in the
cases of those who’d done the Roadblock — weary arms, and piloting the
boat became an epic undertaking.

Rob & Kimberly decided to
do Under, but that was about the only thing they agreed upon. Rob was
mad at Kimberly because he didn’t know how to row. After some
discussion, they each took an oar and zigzagged to the destination.
There, Rob punched the water when he couldn’t see the oyster pots
underneath the water.

Kimberly kicked Rob to the other side of
the boat, spotting pot after pot and hoisting them up. It became Rob’s
job to just sit still and avoid tipping the boat.

The only team
who had any success rowing was Tyler & James. They made their way
to the pearl farm with relative ease, while everyone else got lost or
drifted as they tried to find a way to steer their boat.

Trapped
in a tiny boat, team members had nowhere to vent their frustrations
except at each other. Godwin shouted at Erwin, “The reason we’re going
this way is because you’re doing something wrong!”

Even
though Peter had yelled encouragement to Sarah the whole time she
climbed, he snapped at her when she tried to do the same as he rowed:
“Don’t encourage me!” Even when pointing out a marker or direction,
Peter snapped, “Stop talking.”

Rob & Kimberly finished their
string of oyster pots just as Tyler & James arrived. Tom &
Terry joined them, having abandoned their original plan to do the Over
task when their haphazard rowing brought them closer to Under. Erwin
& Godwin were right behind.

Soon, Peter & Sarah also
arrived at Under. Peter was in a foul mood. First he shouted because he
couldn’t see the pots at the end of the line. Then he shoved Tom &
Terry’s boat, because part of it had drifted into their path. And,
after he and Sarah nearly swamped their boat from leaning out the same
side, he said that he wanted to quit the Race.

Sarah continued
to pull pots, and eventually Peter decided to help out. During his
tantrum, David & Mary arrived, after abandoning their attempt to
find the other task.

After finishing the task, Rob &
Kimberly delivered their pots to the oyster farmer and received their
next clue: row back to the junk and ride it nine miles to the Pit Stop,
on Soi Sim Island.

Their sizable lead didn’t keep the couple
from arguing. When Rob protested, “I know how to row,” Kimberly shot
back, “I forgot, you went to school for that.”

Elsewhere on the
high seas, Lyn & Karlyn arrived at the supply ship, the only team
able to find the Over task. They delivered their supplies with ease,
and they were impressed by the floating village. But their trip back to
the supply ship was hampered by strong winds, and they seemed to lose
as much ground as they gained.

As they completed the Under task,
Tyler & James rowed to their junk, followed by Erwin & Godwin
and Peter & Sarah. Peter rowed up to the junk and hopped in, only
returning to help Sarah when she asked him to.

Aboard the ship,
Sarah told Peter, “You did awesome.” He just looked at his elbow. She
told him she was mad that she’s never allowed to give up on anything,
but he’s willing to quit as soon as things get difficult. And in an
interview, Sarah said that her feelings toward Peter have changed.

Sarah
took some comfort, as her junk passed Erwin & Godwin’s boat, and
then Tyler & James’s boat. Tyler & James couldn’t understand
why their boat was so slow. Eventually, their captain realized he’d
forgotten to pull up anchor.

In last place, Dustin & Kandice
arrived at the pearl farm. By then, an exhausted and demoralized Tom
& Terry had only pulled up half of their pots. The girls managed to
finish their entire string in the time it took Tom & Terry to pull
seven pots.

Misreading their next clue, the beauty queens
thought they were supposed to row their sampan to the Pit Stop (nine
miles away). When they stopped on an island beach to reread their clue,
Kandice realized it had had been torn to wet shreds in her pocket. She
and Dustin finally decided to return to the junk, as they vaguely
remembered something about riding on it. Leaving the island, Dustin
said, “Let me cry as I paddle.”

At nearly the same time, Tom
& Terry finished their task and made their way to the junk, against
currents and wind. Frustrated with the fruitless rowing, Tom leapt out
of the boat and pulled it the rest of the way. He collapsed in the
sampan and needed to be helped into the junk.

Terry was
impressed at the lengths Tom was willing to go for them. “You pulled
the frickin’ boat,” Terry said in amazement. “I had to,” sobbed Tom.

Rob
& Kimberly received a pair of jet skis for their first place
finish. They were followed by Peter & Sarah, Tyler & James,
Erwin & Godwin, David & Mary, Lyn & Karlyn, and Dustin
& Kandice. Tom & Terry arrived last and were eliminated.

Next week: The beauty queens take on an alligator. Meanwhile, Sarah’s opinion of Peter plunges just a little more.

Being big and strong doesn’t mean much in Survivor, if you’re
not willing to use your muscles around camp. The women of Aitu got sick
of J.P.’s lazy butt, so they decided to vote it — and the rest of him — off the
island.

At the start of the episode, Candice returned to Aitu
from Exile Island to find that Cecilia had been voted out. Jessica put
Candice on the spot, asking if she felt Adam and Parvati had saved her
for a future alliance by sending her to Exile Island, where she had
avoided Tribal Council.

Candice gave a “playing dumb”
performance worthy of a fourteen-year-old, overselling her ignorance
with a dumb lie, claiming that she “didn’t have time” to consider why
she’d been sent to Exile Island. With only a couple days on an island
where there’s nothing to do and nobody to talk to, where would she have
found the time to think?

Later that day, Aitu’s teamwork helped
them defeat Raro in a Reward Challenge. Two members of each tribe were
clipped to a rope that wrapped around, over, and under various
obstacles. Their tribemates pushed and pulled them around the course.
Raro got tangled a few too many times, and Aitu coasted to an easy
victory.

They were rewarded with blankets, pillows, and a
hammock. They also sent Adam to Exile Island. He would return for the
next Immunity Challenge, meaning he wouldn’t get to skip Tribal
Council, should his team lose.

As Raro tried to make their own
pillow-less camp slightly more comfortable, the women of the tribe
noticed that they were doing all of the work, while the men sat around
the fire drinking coconut milk.

J.P. was particularly annoying.
Though he did little to help around camp, he issued orders to everyone
else. He sprawled out in a makeshift throne, as if reclining in a
La-Z-Boy, and asked Parvati to walk over and pick up a machete that was
only a few feet out of his reach. He was lucky that she decided against
using it on him.

Parvati asked her main would-be-squeeze, Nate,
if the four Raro guys had formed an alliance, and he confirmed that
they had. When she voiced her displeasure with J.P., Nate said his plan
was to “let the king sit pretty” until it was time to get rid of him.
He told Parvati that he’d make sure she stayed safe until then.

Over
at Aitu, Cao Boi climbed a tree to check a bird’s nest for eggs. He
shooed the mother bird away and knocked the nest out of a tree with a
stick (which probably would’ve broken any eggs inside of it, anyway).
There were no eggs, just a newly hatched baby bird.

An emotional
Jonathan was able to hand the nest and baby bird back up to Cao Boi,
who replaced them in their original branch as the mother bird squawked
at him.”What am I doing stupid things for?” Cao Boi asked himself. “I
feel really bad.”

The next day’s Immunity Challenge was a
multi-stage affair. First, four members of each tribe assembled a
stretcher from large, wooden puzzle pieces. After completing the
stretcher and carrying it to a nearby beach, one of the four swam out
to a ship’s mast, to retrieve a fifth tribe member. That fifth member
was then carried inland on the stretcher. Once teams reached their goal
area with the stretcher, their remaining tribe members had to build a
rescue fire and keep it going until it burned through a strand of rope.

Raro
finished assembling their stretcher quickly, but Aitu’s Ozzy — whom
Yul had earlier called “Poseidon,” because of his fishing skills —
caught up to J.P. in the water.

The race came down to which team
built their fire first, and Cao Boi’s skills couldn’t be beat. He waved
a smoking bundle of kindling around, in what looked like a strange
ritual. But the ritual worked, as Aitu had a roaring fire in no time.
Rebecca, Stephannie, and Jenny didn’t even manage to get a spark for
Raro, although Jenny did cut her thumb pretty gruesomely.

Stephannie
felt personally responsible for the loss. Back at the Raro camp, she
told the tribe, “I’m the weakest link.” Many tribe members took that as
a signal that she wanted out of the game, and voting her out at Tribal
Council seemed like a foregone conclusion.

It didn’t take
Stephannie long to realize her huge strategic blunder. “I can’t believe
I set myself up like that,” she told Cristina.

Luckily for
Stephannie, Jenny and Rebecca realized that this was their best
opportunity to get rid of lazy J.P., while the Raro women still
outnumbered the men. Stephannie and Cristina agreed, so they just
needed to present their plan to Parvati.

“I just don’t know if
that’s in our best interest,” was Parvati’s immediate response. She
went off to think over the plan, leading the women to assume she was
going to rat them out to Nate. As a back up measure, they grabbed the
most trustworthy guy, Brad, and let him in on their scheme. He seemed
interested, but wasn’t convinced that letting J.P. go served his own
best interests.

At Tribal Council, the women learned that their
plan had worked even better than expected. Not only did both Parvati
and Brad side with them, but Adam voted for J.P. as well.

“Dang, you guys outwitted me big time!” said a stunned, but impressed, J.P., as Jeff put out his torch. “That was pretty good.”

Next week, Cao Boi gets mad at his tribe’s lazy women, who prefer discussing their underarm hair to working.

It was the second surprising elimination in a row on Dancing with the Stars. Despite a string of solid performances from each, Vivica and Monique were in the Bottom Two, and Vivica was sent home.

The show opened with a recap of the previous night’s performances. Jerry said he’d relished the chance to prove
his love for his daughter in front of millions of people: “I’ll make a
fool of myself for you, honey. There’s nothing I won’t do for you.”

Joey was emotional, too: “I’m so glad we made Len happy, man!”

And
Mario confessed that the reason he’d seemed so serious after receiving
his high marks was that he was fighting the urge to do the Cabbage
Patch.

After the recap, Len awarded the Judges’ Encore to “Willa the Thrilla and Marvelous Max.”

A
performance by Grammy nominees Los Lonely Boys followed the encore. The
band was accompanied by a few of their own backup dancers, but none of
the DwtS professionals.

After the musical interlude, Samantha
was backstage with questions for a couple of the celebrities. She asked
Jerry if he was nervous about next week’s dances, the Rumba and the
Samba. Jerry said, “I got by on being sexy this week, so I’m gonna be really sexy next week.”

Samantha
stammered as she asked the imposing Vivica if she thought she was in
danger of being sent home. Vivica confidently replied, “I think we’re
good.”

Tom then introduced a package of interview clips with
members of last night’s studio audience. Mario was a big hit with the
fans, including actress Eva Longoria, who wore a “Vote for Mario”
T-shirt. Another woman, far too old for Mario, gushed, “That butt in
those pants? Oh my God!” A number of the parents in the audience were
moved by Jerry’s Waltz. And actress Shannon Elizabeth also had strong
opinions, though I’m not sure she specified on what or whom.

Back
in the ballroom, Tom and Samantha announced the first two couples who
would be moving on to next week’s show. To nobody’s surprise, Mario
& Karina and Jerry & Kym were safe.

Ashly DelGrosso,
fresh off her elimination last week, was back to dance with her five
sisters — all of whom have names that begin with the letter “A”:
Ayatollah, Anaerobic, Anklet, Aspirator, and Antoine. Their performance
to the song “Heat Wave” will make a great halftime show at a Utah Jazz
game this season.

After the DelGrossest performance ever,
Samantha talked to the two safe couples backstage. Jerry said that he’s
earned so many votes because fans frequently mistake him for Mario.

Then
it was time for the weekly update on Slim-Fast Challenge contestant
Tysonia. A vigorous cardio workout, courtesy of the Samba, was part of
what has helped her drop four dress sizes since the program began. She
was nervous about performing in a relatively skimpy dress until she saw
her audience: authentic Samba dancers wearing little more than bikinis.

When
we returned to the dance floor, last season’s winner, Drew Lachey, had
a front row seat for a performance by his brother, Nick. Pros Tony and
Elena danced to Nick’s latest ode to divorce, “I Can’t Hate You
Anymore.”

The women in the audience loved the song. They
screamed so loudly for Nick that Samantha had trouble introducing the
next package of clips, which offered a look at the world of ballroom
from the celebrities’ perspectives.

When the show started, the
celebrities were confounded by the performance costumes — in
particular the shirt-and-underwear combo worn by the men. Jerry
suggested, “If spandex manufacturers go on strike, dancing is finished
as a performance art.”

The liberal administration of spray-on
tan was another point of amusement. Vivica thought that perhaps the men
are trying to achieve George Hamilton’s golden brown hue. Willa and
Monique seemed the most eager to embrace every aspect of ballroom dance
culture. “Even I got a spray-on tan,” Monique said. “I’m a black girl!”

The
celebs marvelled at the painstaking primping the pros undergo on show
day. Willa said that Max gets makeup applied to his chest early in the
day, and then spends the rest of the day topless. Mario said, “I didn’t
realize how much vanity was involved.”

After the clip package, Tom and Samantha announced the next two safe couples: Emmitt & Cheryl and Willa & Max.

Before
revealing which couples were in the Bottom Two, the judges offered some
thoughts on what makes a good partnership. Some of the couples just
look right together, like Joey & Edyta, Mario & Karina, and
Vivica & Nick. The rest of the couples have special relationships
that make their partnership successful.

Carrie Ann said, “Jerry
& Kym obviously care about each other, so it works despite age
difference.” Willa & Max thrive on a “fire and ice” dynamic. Louis
and Cheryl act like coaches for Monique and Emmitt, respectively. And
Tony is a big brother figure for Sara.

Len had the final word on partnership, saying, “Unless they come together and work as one, they’ve got no chance.”

As
Tom prepared to announce the Bottom Two, he asked Len what he thought
of the four couples waiting to learn their fate. Len said, “I’m shocked
to see some of the best couples in competition still standing there.”
Tom announced that Joey & Edyta were safe, and then the sound
briefly cut out as Tony exclaimed, “Holy shit!” when he learned he and
Sara were also moving on.

That left Monique & Louis and
Vivica & Nick in the Bottom Two. Monique fought back tears as the
show went to commercial break. After the break, Tom announced that
Vivica & Nick had been eliminated.

Vivica accepted the
decision gracefully, trying to quiet the booing crowd by saying, “We’re
good. I had a wonderful time.” Tom told her that, during the commercial
break, the judges, and even audience member Lisa Rinna, told him they
were in shock that it had come down to Monique and Vivica.

When
Samatha asked Vivica what she’d take away from the ballroom, Vivica
said, “Nick.” She said she’ll consider him a friend for the rest of
her life. The couple then danced one last time, to “Against All Odds.”

Bonus coverage: Since our ABC affiliate had audio problems last night, we decided to dub in our own music choice for one of the Performance Show dances…

Note: The local ABC affiliate experienced audio problems throughout
the entirety of this week’s show, which explains why the songs in the videos sound like they’re being played underwater. Sorry!

After earning a spot near the top of the Dancing with the Stars 3 leaderboard last week, Sara Evans fell
back to the bottom with a gloomy Paso Doble. And the Waltz brought
several contestants — and judges — to tears.

Monique Coleman & Louis van Amstel – Waltz
Louis’s
goal for this week was to get Monique in touch with the beauty of the
Waltz. He told her, “It’s much easier to wow people than to move them.”

Their
hard work resulted in a beautiful and restrained performance — much
less frantic than the energy they showcased in last week’s Jive. They
tried to evoke romance through their dancing, and there’s nothing more
romantic than a man dragging a woman across the floor. By the end,
Monique was overcome with emotion and started to cry.

The
judge’s were impressed. Len said, “You’ve proved tonight that you can
Waltz, although three splits was a bit over the top.” Carrie Ann said,
“You were moving together as one. I was absolutely moved.”

And,
in a description that surely had nothing to do with today’s release of
The Little Mermaid on DVD, Bruno said of their performance, “It was
like a little mermaid floating above the reef looking for her prince.”
ABC would never stoop so low as to allow their parent company, Disney,
to plant product advertisements in the judges’ comments. Would they?
Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…8, Len…8, Bruno…8 = 24/30

Emmitt Smith & Cheryl Burke – Paso Doble
Though
he’s one of the non-actors in the competition, Emmitt did a great job
staying in character as the strong bull fighter. It also speaks to his
abilities as a dancer that Cheryl didn’t have to choreograph around
Emmitt. There were no cutesy moves to disguise what he wasn’t able to
execute; it was just a solid, quality Paso Doble. They were all smiles
after their dance.

After last week’s low scores, Bruno
encouraged Emmitt: “This is the performance you can do.” Carrie Ann
told Emmitt, “You are a beast. It had moments of brilliance.” A
surprised Len asked, “Did you do some twist turns? It was great!”
Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…8, Len…8, Bruno…8 = 24/30

Willa Ford & Maksim Chmerkovskiy – Waltz
Willa
was feeling more confident about her chances after avoiding the Bottom
Two last week: “Max says I can win it. He believes in me. Maybe I am a
force to be reckoned with.” She also looked forward to that chance to
tone down the sex appeal for a more ladylike dance, especially since
her grandma was in the studio audience.

They danced to “You
Light Up My Life.” Everything about the performance, from the routine
to the costumes, was pretty and classy. Willa really nailed some of the
exaggerated poses that professionals execute to make the Waltz look
polished.

Carrie Ann said, “You swept me away. Gorgeous.
Elegant.” Taking over Bruno’s traditional nicknaming duty, Len called
Willa “Willa the Thrilla.” He added, “If you’d have done a few more
heel leads, it would’ve been a 10. Absolutely delightful.” Bruno called
it “an exquisite expression of love and romance. Perfect.”
Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…9, Len…9, Bruno…10 = 28/30

Sara Evans & Tony Dovolani – Paso Doble
Sara
had difficulty practicing the Paso Doble. Tony insisted on staying in
character during rehearsal, and his aggressive attitude made her wonder
if he was angry with her.

Sara & Tony were assigned one of
the worst songs of the night: the title song from Phantom of the Opera.
The song was distracting and gave the whole performance a gloomy feel.
Sara didn’t look confident at all, half-heartedly executing her moves
while repeatedly tripping on her dress. For the routine’s finishing
move, instead of falling into an easy spin, Sara hit the floor like a
sack of potatoes.

Len tactfully said, “Certain dances don’t suit
certain people. The Paso Doble doesn’t suit you.” Less tactfully, Bruno
told Sara, “It was like you were Marie Antoinette going to the
guillotine.” Carrie was more diplomatic: “I thought you embodied the
character. But you need to use the floor and stomp.”
Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…6, Len…7, Bruno…7 = 20/30

Jerry Springer & Kym Johnson – Waltz
Everything
Jerry’s done on the show so far has been leading up to the Waltz. In
December, he’ll dance it with his daughter at her wedding. He had to
stop at least one practice session this week because he was moved to
tears.

Jerry sang along as he and Kym danced to “Tennessee
Waltz.” His technique was very good — way better than you see in a
typical father-daughter dance. When the routine ended, Jerry found his
daughter in the front row and hugged her. Kym wasn’t the only one in
tears.

Bruno told Jerry, “Another wonderful performance. Your
best dance to date.” A teary-eyed Len, who also admitted to crying at
the movie Bambi, said the dance had “great style, beautiful movement.”
Tom Bergeron clarified that, when Len cries during Bambi, it’s because
he was rooting for the hunter.

In regard to Jerry’s appeal to
fans to stop voting for him after he’d performed the Waltz, Samantha
Harris asked him, “Is your work here done?” Jerry said that his
daughter has increased her demands to two wedding dances, so he’d be
happy to stay another week. Plus, he’s already paid for wedding band,
so he wants to get his money’s worth.
Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…7, Len…7, Bruno…8 = 22/30

Vivica A. Fox & Nick Kosovich – Paso Doble
Vivica
was the other big loser when it came to song assignments: Bon Jovi’s
“It’s My Life.” Something about the performance just didn’t work, and
the bad song played a big part in it. But Vivica and Nick didn’t do
enough to put the focus back on the dancing. They ended the routine by
raising their fists in the air, in their tribute to Bon Jovi.

Len
said the routine had “lots of ‘oles’ and some ‘oh nos’.” Carrie Ann
said, “You rocked the house, especially with your Power Ranger ending.
But you need to bring back a little of your femininity.” Backstage, a
clearly drunk Samantha told Vivica and Nick, “Bon Jovi would be proud
to be rockin’ the ballroom tonight!”
Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…8, Len…8, Bruno…8 = 24/30

Joey Lawrence & Edyta Sliwinska – Waltz
Joey
was nervous about doing a slower, more controlled type of dance.
“Hopefully it’ll be a first class Waltz,” he said. “It may be coach. It
may be business class.”

Edyta looked beautiful, wearing the
prettiest harem girl costume ever. Joey looked perfectly relaxed,
executing the Waltz as well as he’s done his previous dances.

Carrie
Ann said, “That brought tears to my eyes. You really, truly led Edyta
through the Waltz.” Len said, “The Waltz doesn’t normally have the wow
factor of the Paso, but that was a wow of a Waltz.” Bruno called the
performance “a heavenly symphony of beauty.” After hearing such
positive comments, Joey and Edyta couldn’t stop grinning.
Judges’ Scores: Carrie…9, Len…9, Bruno…9 = 27/30

Mario Lopez & Karina Smirnoff – Paso Doble
In
keeping with their song, Mario & Karina tried to evoke the feel of
the movie El Mariachi in their performance, right down to the details
of Mario’s suit. It worked, and they performed the best Paso Doble of
the night. And most importantly, they played by the rules.

Bruno
said Mario was, “El Superbo — the embodiment of Latin pride.” Carrie
Ann thanked them for following the rules, and then said, “You two are
too hot to handle.” Len said he’d been prepared to spank Mario if they
broke the rules again this week, and was relieved that he didn’t have
to. He had a couple of criticisms about the performance, ” It didn’t
have a lot of posture and had a bit of wildness about it.” When the
crowd booed and his fellow judges objected, Len said, “Watch the video.”
Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…10, Len…9, Bruno…10 = 29/30

Leaderboard:
1 – Mario & Karina
2 – Willa & Max
3 – Joey & Edyta
4 – Monique & Louis, Emmitt & Cheryl, Vivica & Nick
7 – Jerry & Kym
8 – Sara & Tony

My
vote went to Joey & Edyta, for performing the prettiest dance of
the evening. Plus, I love seeing Edyta so happy this season. Her
giddiness is infectious. Too bad her abs aren’t.

Tomorrow night, Nick Lachey and Los Lonely Boys perform, though not at the same time.

My preseason pick to win Dancing with the Stars 3
was axed last week, but that won’t stop the weekly power rankings. As
the eight remaining couples prepare for tonight’s Performance Episode,
who looks to be in the most danger of being sent home tomorrow?

8. Jerry Springer & Kym Johnson
Jerry’s
the celeb most likely to be eliminated tomorrow night, mostly because
he asked his fans to stop voting for him. But Jerry’s rowdy fans may
not listen to their ringmaster.

7. Willa Ford & Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Willa’s
spent more time in the bottom two than any of the other stars left in
the competition. She has to build on her growing fan base by turning on
the charm and showing that she’s got the dancing skills to hang with
the best.

6. Vivica A. Fox & Nick Kosovich
Vivica
has always scored in third place or higher with the judges, so how
could she be in danger? If message boards and YouTube video views are
any indication of how the general voting audience feels, her “diva”
attitude isn’t winning over any new fans. While message boards are sometimes anything but the definitive indicator of public opinion, the people who post at them
may be on to something.

5. Mario Lopez & Karina Smirnoff
Mario
blew everyone away with his stellar performance in week one. But he’s
losing support by trying to be the flashiest dancer, instead of the
best dancer. He needs to at least acknowledge the rules and stop being
so defensive with the judges before his fans ditch him for other, less
(needlessly) rebellious contestants.

4. Sara Evans & Tony Dovolani
The
judges have started to warm up to Sara, and her fans are numerous.
She’s in no danger of losing her voting base, unless she pulls a Dixie
Chicks and criticizes President Bush.

3. Emmitt Smith & Cheryl Burke
Last
week’s low score from the judges was most likely a fluke. Cheryl knows
how to choreograph winning routines, and Emmitt’s got the hard work
mentality that judges (and fans) love.

2. Monique Coleman & Louis van Amstel
Monique’s
last two performances have shown her to be the best dancer among the
female celebrities. Bruno nicknamed her “Little Miss Sunshine,” and her
positive attitude makes people want her to win. I’m finally starting to
believe she can.

1. Joey Lawrence & Edyta Sliwinska
Joey
seems like he’s having fun with this than anyone else. When the judges
scolded him for breaking the rules, he did the right thing: apologizing
and vowing to correct his behavior. Joey’s charming and charismatic,
and he’s definitely got the moves, so his best strategy to win is not
to change a thing — except for the handstands and lifts.

Other DwtS News:
People
magazine has a behind-the-scenes reports about another injured dancer.
While practicing with Mario, Karina said, “We did a twist and my rib
bone came out.” As grisly as that sounds, Karina will be dancing
tonight.

In other interviews, Jerry talks about dancing the Waltz, and Monique gives some details on her grueling practice schedule.

Whatever your feelings on carbon-based economies, coal is still king on The Amazing Race. This week, Duke & Lauren settled for the wrong Detour — making a birdcage instead of coal bricks — and wound up eliminated.

From the Pagoda Pit Stop in Mongolia, teams made their way to a travel
agency to buy tickets to Hanoi, Vietnam. At the travel agency, Almost
everyone arrived at the agency before it opened at 9 a.m. So, the teams
lined up and waited for the agency to start business.

Inside the
travel agency, four workers assisted the teams. Though pageant queens
Dustin & Kandice were the fifth team in line, they snuck past Tom
& Terry to be one of the first groups to book tickets. Boyfriends
Tom & Terry were upset, though nothing much came of the incident,
as all nine couples wound up on the same flights.

After a
connection in Beijing, teams arrived in Vietnam at 9 p.m. They camped
out in front of the old Hanoi Hilton (the prison, not the hotel) and
waited for it to open at 8 the next morning.

Inside the prison,
teams were instructed to find the flight suit of its most famous former
inmate: Senator John McCain. Brothers Erwin & Godwin stopped to pay
their respects in front of the enshrined flight suit.

The next
clue sent teams to a busy intersection in Hanoi’s Old Quarter.
Father/Daughter team Duke & Lauren had spent their last $11 riding
in a cab the previous night, and they had to walk, while the other
teams paid a $2 taxi fare.

A Roadblock forced one member of each
team to sell $5 worth of flowers from the back of a bike cart. The
first few teams, among them Edwin & Godwin and Tom & Terry,
struggled to pedal the heavy, flower-laden bikes. Eventually, they
noticed the later (and apparently smarter) teams were making easy money
by never riding the bikes in the first place; they set up shop and sold
their flowers right on the sidewalk by where the bikes were parked.

The
good news for Duke & Lauren was that they got to keep the money
they earned selling flowers. That meant they could afford the bus fare
to their next location: the city of Vac.

Peter & Sarah
jumped on the first bus they saw, hoping that it was the right one. It
wasn’t, and they were left to languish at a bus stop as the other teams
boarded the proper buses.

Erwin & Godwin were the first team
to Vac, and they asked around for directions to a Buddhist temple. One
helpful man offered to give them a ride on the back of his motorbike,
but the brothers had to turn him down. For safety reasons, teams were
not allowed to ride or operate motorbikes in Vietnam.

The clue
at the temple was for the episode’s Detour: “Fuel or Fowl.” Teams had
their choice of making 30 coal bricks in Fuel, or one ornate birdhouse
in Fowl. Everyone chose Fuel and walked in the direction of the
brickmaker’s house.

Erwin & Godwin made 30 bricks from the
wet, Playdoh-like coal, but had to redo them all because they were too
short. During the Cho brothers’ second attempt, Tom & Terry showed
up, fresh from a ride on a local guy’s motorbike.

After all of
their practice, Erwin & Godwin had gotten good enough at
brickmaking that none of the local onlookers were watching them —
choosing instead to laugh at Tom & Terry, who had little aptitude
for the task.

The brothers finished the Detour on their second
batch of bricks. Their next clue instructed them to head on foot to the
Pit Stop, which was in a nearby rice paddy. This week’s prize was a
home entertainment system of no particular make, model, or components.

Soon,
all of the other teams — except for Peter & Sarah — arrived in
Vac and wandered the neighborhood looking for the brickmaker’s house.
Duke & Lauren lost track of the group and accidentally stumbled
into the courtyard where the Fowl Detour was set up. They found a shady
spot under a tree and decided to make a wooden birdcage, instead of
trying to find the other teams.

Eventually, Peter & Sarah’s
bus showed up. They, too, chose Fuel and showed up at the Detour right
after the previous bus’s teams found it.

Soon, Tom & Terry
finished their bricks and ran to the Pit Stop. There, Phil told them
that they’d incurred a 30-minute penalty for their illegal motorbike
ride. The couple found a dry patch in the paddy and waited for the
other teams to check in.

Back at the Detour, Kentucky coal miner
Dave was not impressed with Vietnamese coal: “This ain’t real coal.
Ours is hard. Theirs is mud.” He was also distracted by the
significance of being in the country where his father fought a war,
decades ago.

One by one, teams finished
making their bricks and checked in at the Pit Stop. Tyler & James
were awarded second place, followed by Rob & Kimberly, Candice
& Dustin, Peter & Sarah, and Lyn & Karlyn. Dave helped Mary
through the paddy as she labored on her twisted ankle, and they were
able to finish in seventh place.

Finally, the 30-minute penalty ended, and Tom & Terry learned they had fallen from second place to eighth.

Duke
& Lauren eventually finished their birdcage and checked in at the
Pit Stop. As the last team to arrive, Phil told them they’d been
eliminated from the race. Phil asked Duke if he had come to understand
his lesbian daughter a little better, and Duke replied, “Whatever’s
gonna make her happy will make me happy.”

In a post-show
interview, Duke said of the Race, “You almost wanna wish this on every
parent out there, because…” He was too overcome to finish his
thought, so he just kissed Lauren on the cheek.

Next week: Sarah
gets pissed that Peter won’t allow her to quit on any challenges, but
doesn’t apply the same rule to himself. And Rob & Kimberly argue
again, this time at sea.

Much like certain members of the US Senate,
a couple members of the revamped Aitu tribe voted out of fear, rather
than voting for what they felt was right. As a result, Cecilia was
sacrificed in the name of security on Survivor: Cook Islands.

After
six days as four racially segregated tribes, the Survivors were
summoned in front of Jeff Probst to merge into new tribes. Cecilia,
Parvati, Brad, and Jonathan were randomly selected to start the
schoolyard pick.

Tribes were first selected by gender, with the
stipulation that each successive pick must be from an old tribe not yet
represented on the new team.

Cecilia was given first choice, and she
and Parvati alternated picks until the teams were as follows:
 Cecilia…Jessica…Sundra…Becky…Candice
 Parvati….Jenny…Cristina…Rebecca…Stephannie

The men chose their teams next. Brad picked first:
 Brad….JP….Nate….Adam
 Jonathan….Yul….Ozzy….Cao Boi

The
four new tribes were then combined randomly to form two new tribes.
Cecilia’s and Jonathan’s teams became the new Aitu, and Brad’s and
Parvati’s teams formed the new Raro.

Aitu
Cecilia, Jessica, Sundra, Becky, Candice, Jonathan, Yul, Ozzy, Cao Boi

Raro
Parvati, Jenny, Cristina, Rebecca, Stephannie, Brad, JP, Nate, Adam

Nate
felt like the Fresh Prince as he toured Raro’s camp: “They took us out
of the ghetto and took us to Bel Air.” Parvati was just happy Nate was
around, so that she’d have someone new to flirt with.

Things were just as congenial at Aitu, where Cao Boi told Jessica, “You’re not Asian, but I love you.”

Speaking of love, the merge gave Cecilia the opportunity to ask Candice
about her supposed romance with last week’s evictee, Billy. A stunned
Candice clarified that, when she told Billy, “We love you,” at the last
challenge, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Becky all but skipped
introductions, quickly getting Jonathan and Candice to agree to an
alliance with her and Yul. Yul cemented his bond with Becky by
disclosing to her that he’d found the hidden Immunity Idol on Exile
Island.

When Jonathan tried to pull Jessica into the alliance as
well, she balked, claiming that she wanted to get to know everyone
before joining an alliance. She confessed to the cameras that she
wasn’t completely comfortable around Jonathan and Candice.

At
Raro, Nate speared an octopus, which wrapped itself around Brad on its
way to the cooking pot. Then a whale swam by Aitu’s beach, and, after
one-upping the other hunters last week, I expected Yul to swim out and
catch it.

Tonight’s Immunity Challenge was a repeat of one of my
favorites from a few seasons ago. The members of each tribe were
clipped, single file, to a rope that created a huge oval track. Tribes
started on opposite sides of the oval, and the object was for your
group to catch up to, and then tackle, a member of the opposing tribe.

To
make things a little more difficult, the track was situated in
knee-deep water, and each tribe member carried a 15-pound bag.
Contestants could drop out of the race at any time, so long as they
gave their bag to another person to carry. In an endurance race, the
longer a team could spread the weight out amongst its tribe members,
the better.

After only one lap around the track, all of the
female members of Aitu dropped out of the race. The strategy was for
the men to put on an early burst and catch the other tribe. But with the extra baggage, they were unable to do so.

The female members of Raro held out slightly longer, with Rebecca
lasting for several laps. The men of Aitu tired quickly, and Raro soon
caught up with them. The men of Raro were easily able to tackle a
sluggish Cao Boi.

In addition to avoiding Tribal Council, the
winning tribe selected a member from the losing tribe to Exile Island.
They chose Candice, in order to keep anyone else from falling in love
with her.

At Aitu camp, Ozzy promised not to vote for Cao Boi,
and Cao Boi suggested they vote for Becky. So Ozzy recruited Cecilia,
Sundra, and Jessica, who all agreed that Becky should go.

With
their original alliance in jeopardy, as Candice languished on Exile
Island, Jonathan asked Jessica about her plans. Jessica said she didn’t
have a good vibe about Becky, and she was set on voting for her, and
not for Jonathan’s proposed target, Cecilia. Jonathan told Jessica she
needed to think past the next vote and ultimately do what was best for
her.

Yul worked to persuade Cao Boi that his position in the
game was better if he stuck with Yul, Jonathan, and Becky. Cao Boi
seemed skeptical, though he did decide to talk things over with
Jessica, to see where she was leaning.

Both Cao Boi and Jessica agreed that they didn’t trust Jonathan. Cao
Boi told Jessica that they would be outsiders in any group, but that
they might have better luck sticking with the unified front of Yul,
Becky, Jonathan, and Candice. Jessica’s brain hurt, as she realized she
really was going to have to think further ahead than the next
challenge, if she wanted to stay in the game.

The conversation seemed like a classic Survivor red herring, just
thrown in to add a little suspense. Jessica and and Cao Boi had
originally been so adamant about voting for Becky. And they’d been so
resistant when initially confronted by Yul and Jonathan.

As
members of both sides cast their votes at Tribal Council, everyone said
that tonight’s vote was pure strategy, nothing personal. Everyone
except Ozzy, who resented that Becky didn’t try to get to know him. His
need to make everything personal could get him voted off sooner than he
would, otherwise.

To the surprise of a previously relaxed and
confident Ozzy, Sundra, and Cecilia, (and me) Jonathan’s and Yul’s
pressure worked on Jessica and Cao Boi. Ultimately, they made what they
viewed as the safer vote: sending Cecilia home, even though they liked
her better than Becky.

If I wasn’t sure already, I’m now convinced that Jonathan, Yul, and
Becky are serious players. And I think they’re all going to be around
for a long time.

Next week, the men of Raro take a break from work, and Cao Boi ratchets up his weirdness by knocking a baby bird from its nest.

Harry Hamlin said that only a miracle or surgery could loosen up his
stiff frame enough to make him a contender. His miracle never came, and
Harry & Ashly became the next couple eliminated from Dancing with the Stars 3.

Last
night, the judges criticized a number of couples for breaking the
rules. Host Tom Bergeron gave Judge Len Goodman a chance to clarify
which rules had been broken. Len cited a general rule barring lifts. He
then defined a lift as follows: “Your partner picks you up off both
your feet, and you do a step you couldn’t do on your own.”

The
lift rule was broken during a few of the Performance Show Jives. Video
footage showed clearly that Willa & Max and Joey & Edyta had
included lifts in their routines.

For the Tango, the infractions
had to do with time spent in “proper ballroom hold.” Apart from
approximately ten seconds at the start and end of the routine, dancers
needed to be in contact throughout the rest of the dance. A video clip
detailed how Mario & Karina had broken their hold during the Tango.

“We’re
looking for the best all-around couple,” Len said. “We’re not looking
for a one dance wonder.” Couples are judged on how well they portray
the character of each of the dances, and, ideally, the couple who can
successfully execute the greatest number of dances wins.

Len
announced that Vivica & Max had earned the encore, before the other
judges reminded him that Vivica’s Tango partner was Nick, not Max. The
Shaggy song to which Vivica & Nick danced sounded even weirder the
second time around. All I noticed was the singer periodically grunting,
“Huh…What…Shaggy!” throughout the performance.

Next,
retro-rock group Scissor Sisters performed their song, “Take Your
Mama.” The band played on the dance floor — not the raised stage — leaving just
enough room for Cheryl and ousted pro Jesse DeSoto to perform. This was a
smart staging decision, as it meant the cameras were free to film both
the band and the dancers, rather than cutting away for too many
closeups of the band. The dancing was great and made me wish the song
was a bit longer.

While the band cleared the floor, Samantha
asked some of the couples about last night’s performances. Regarding
Emmitt’s low scores from the judges, Samantha asked him, “Were you
robbed?”

“At gunpoint,” Emmitt deadpanned. Samantha said that
when she talked to him after last night’s show, he was fuming mad. “I
still am!” said Emmit.

Sara said that the country flavor of last
night’s “hat, boots, and choreography were more my style.” She’d better
be careful, lest she confuse this with Fox’s new show, Boot Scootin’ with Celebs.

Then
it was back out to Tom on the dance floor, where he introduced a clip
package of feedback from the Performance Show’s studio audience. The
crowd was evenly mixed on whether following the rules was more
important than going outside the lines to please the crowd. One man told Len to
“lighten up on the Geritol,” while a female audience member said, “If I
want to see cartwheels and handstands, I’ll watch a cheerleading
competition.” One patriot said that “America is based on rules!” I
wonder where he stands on the Geneva Convention’s definition of torture.

After
that, it was time to announce the first safe couples of the night, in
no particular order. To their delight, Willa & Max were announced
first — surprising them more than the previous night, when Samantha
had told them they were falling in love. Sara & Tony were also
announced as safe, as were Monique & Louis. As the show faded to
commercial, Sara walked over to hug Willa, who was gleefully running in
place.

To prepare audiences for one of next week’s dances, the Paso Doble, the pros performed it, in the biggest spectacle in DwtS history. Italian tenor Vittorio, wearing a black cloak, lead a choir singing “O Fortuna,” from Carl Orff’s Carmina Burana.
The pros performed the dance of the bullfighter, with the women
clad in flowing black dresses, which mimicked capes. Behind it all, video
screens burned with virtual flames.

The whole thing seemed like some sort of dark ritual. It was Dancing with the Stars, as reinterpreted by Roman Polanski.

As
the singers and dancers cleared the stage and returned to their crypts,
Tom gave credit to Louis for the routine’s choreography.

Samantha
was backstage interviewing the three celebrities safe for next week.
Sara planned on taking her country-theme to new heights next week.
Perhaps she would ride out on a horse, and Tony could lift the horse.
Tony ran backstage in time to remind her of the rule: “No Lifts!”

Samantha
then put Willa on the spot, asking her who she thought would be
eliminated tonight, now that she and Max were safe. Max jumped in and
said he hoped for a four-way tie, and that no one would go home. Willa
agreed.

During an update of DwtS viewer Tysonia’s
progress in the Slim Fast challenge, she Waltzed in front of her
coworkers. She pulled off the dance, knowing that if she didn’t, she’d
never hear the end of it at work. Next week, she has to wear a skimpy
dress for the Samba.

Scissor Sisters came back out to perform “I
Don’t Feel Like Dancing,” or as Tom called it, “The Tucker Carlson
Story.” The judges danced in their seats during the song. Scissor
Sisters is my kind of band. I’m sure I would’ve heard of them before
tonight, if it was seven years ago and I was still cool.

Another prerecorded segment featured the judges
discussing what they expected from performers throughout the
competition. Len said he looks for technique and hold, and how they
sell the performance. “You must feel good about your routine,” he said.
“If you haven’t got confidence, you won’t perfom well.”

Carrie
Ann said that she accounts for each celebrity’s individuality. “Joey
Lawrence’s best performance won’t look like Emmitt Smith’s best
performance.”

Carrie Ann and Len then pointed out some of each
celebrity’s strengths, giving special attention to Sara. I think
Carrie Ann was trying to be figurative when she said, “Each week, Sara
unbuttons another button of her top, and she lets more and more of
herself come out.”

After the judges’ segment, two more couples were announced as safe: Vivica & Nick and Joey & Edyta.

With
the fate of four couples still uncertain, a final prerecorded interview
segment prolonged the tension. Harry said that this competition would
be a piece of cake for him, if he were up against the contestants from
Season One. We learned that practicing has become a full time obsession
for Joey and Willa, prompting Jerry to ask, “What are they, nuts? Don’t
they have anything else to do?”

Mario & Karina and Emmitt
& Cheryl were revealed as the next two safe couples. This left
Jerry & Kym and Harry & Ashly in the bottom two.

Not
wanting to prolong the agony, Tom quickly told Harry & Ashly that
they’d been eliminated. Tom expressed his shock, and some of the crowd
booed the results, as Harry & Ashly made their way over to the
hosts.

Harry tried to be stoic, saying the experience has given
him an “extreme body makeover” and the chance to dance with “a
goddess.” Samantha foolishly tried to ask a sobbing Ashly about Harry’s
dedication. Ashly was far too overcome to answer. Ironically, Ashly had
survived more weeks last season, when she was partnered with the
disinterested Master P, than she’d been able to with a committed
partner like Harry.

As the show ended, Ashly danced with Harry
to “All By Myself.” And last season’s crying queen, Lisa Rinna, sat in
the audience, watching her husband’s final dance.

Next week, the celebrities perform either the Waltz or the Paso Doble.

Here’s our special ode to Harry. You may not have been great on the dance floor, my friend. But nobody can say you don’t know how to have a good time…

The judges were the biggest story of tonight’s episode of Dancing with the Stars 3,
and that’s never a good sign. Emmitt took a beating, while Sara and
Vivica received effusive praise. But none of that compared to the
tongue lashings Len directed at Mario and Joey.

Emmitt Smith & Cheryl Burke – Tango
Emmitt’s
getting worn out from traveling between Dallas, where he lives, and
Los Angeles, where the show is filmed. This week, he and Cheryl also
flew to Virginia, to support Emmitt’s wife as she hosted the Miss
Virginia pageant. They snuck in an extra practice session by performing
for the pageant crowd.

Someone, somewhere must’ve thought it
would be funny to make Emmitt and Cheryl Tango to Robert Palmer’s
“Simply Irresistible.” Cheryl looked fabulous tonight, sporting some
sweet hair extensions, and Emmitt had no problem maintaining the
intense expression expected in the Tango. It was just too bad that, by
its nature, the dance didn’t allow him to show his fun-loving side. He
also didn’t seem as comfortable with the steps as he had in his
previous dances, perhaps because practice time was at a premium this week.

Len
said that, for the Tango, he was looking for the couples to keep a
hold throughout the middle of the song. They could only be apart for a
few seconds at the beginning and end. (Remember that point; it comes up
again later.) Len said the couple kept their hold, but he was
disappointed in Emmitt’s overall performance. He also criticized Cheryl
for including an illegal lift. Bruno told Emmitt, “The rock is starting
to crumble. You didn’t shine as you usually do.” Carrie Ann said that,
while there were some technical problems, the dance “wasn’t all as bad
as these guys [Len and Bruno] say.”
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 6, Bruno: 6 = 19/30

Monique Coleman & Louis van Amstel – Jive
Monique’s
mom flew from South Carolina to watch Monique perform. While seeing her
mom was enough to make Monique happy, she also hoped Mom’s presence in
the audience might make the judges think twice before saying anything
too critical.

Monique started the routine with a crazy backward
leap off of the stage into Louis’ arms. It almost looked like a stunt
from Miami Vice — appropriate, since they danced to “The Heat Is On,”
by Glenn Frey. The extra long fringe on Monique’s outfit made all of
her moves look quick and exaggerated, which probably helped in a fast
dance like the Jive. The fringe also weighed down her skirt, pulling it
down a bit at one point. But Monique maintained her sense of humor,
telling Tom Bergeron after the dance that the daring leap at the
beginning scared the clothes right off of her.

Apparently, Len
is a big fan of the Eagles. He said he liked the song, and he told
Monique the routine had “vitality and fun.” Bruno, in reference to her
bright yellow outfit, dubbed Monique “Little Miss Sunshine.” Carrie
loved the risky jump and said Monique’s moves were “strong and sharp.”
She then warned the other contestants to take note of Monique.
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 9, Len: 9, Bruno: 9 = 27/30

Harry Hamlin & Ashly DelGrosso – Tango
For
inspiration, Ashly and Harry watched couples Tango at an Argentine
restaurant. Harry’s modus operandi for this week? “Passion, passion,
passion.”

This was not one of the evening’s best performances,
in part because the band used some strange, high-pitched effect during
the song that sounded like chatty sparrows squeegeeing windshields. The
dancing itself was competent, if not memorable. Harry’s expression was
inscrutable, but if he says that’s his passionate face, then I guess
it’s his passionate face. He showed the most personality after the
routine, when he took a rose from his lapel, walked up to Carrie Ann,
and then spun around and handed the rose to Bruno.

Bruno said,
“the performance was good, but the footwork was messy at times.” Carrie
joked that she rescinded the 10 that she planned to give Harry, because
he gave his rose to Bruno. She said she appreciates his hard work, but
he’s “still a little awkward.” Len jumped to Harry’s defense: “These
two should go to Lenscrafters, because they’re giving two-for-one. That
was great!”
Judges’ Scores… Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 8, Bruno: 7 = 22/30

Willa Ford & Maksim Chmerkovskiy – Jive
Willa
broke into tears after last week’s trip to the bottom two. Knowing that she
needed a perfect routine this week, Willa told Max she’d do everything
he said without arguing. Of course that didn’t last long, and Max
walked out of the rehearsal studio at one point, as Willa had last
week. Max said that Willa’s frustrations stem from the constant
pressure she puts on herself to overachieve. Willa told us this
competition means so much to her because, unlike some of her
competitors, “I don’t have Super Bowl rings. I don’t have an Oscar. I
don’t have a Country Music Award.”

Willa sported a sexy diner
waitress (or space stewardess) outfit for their Jive, a dance that
really seemed to suit her style. Her footwork was great, though she
didn’t move as quickly as the dance demanded.

Carrie called
Willa “the best natural dancer,” but she was critical of the lifts the
couple included. Len, said, “I liked some of it, and some of it I
wasn’t too keen on.” Bruno retorted, “Len, you’re so grumpy tonight.
That was pure Betty Grable. I loved the American cheesecake.”
Backstage, Samantha told Willa & Max, “You two are really falling for
each other!” The couple was too stunned by the comment to respond.
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 7, Bruno: 8= 22/30

Jerry Springer & Kym Johnson – Tango
Kym’s
plan was to have Jerry emulate James Bond during their Tango. “It
doesn’t appear she’s been drinking,” said Jerry. “But she’s not playing
with a full deck.”

Jerry wore a Sean Connery-era Bond white tux
and pantomimed holding a gun. He gave a solid performance, having
worked on his technique as the judges requested. The dance was fun, and
afterward, Kym ran to give him a hug as the crowd chanted, “Jerry!” Tom
joked that Jerry looked like James Bond, but as played by George
Lazenby.

Bruno said the routine was “more like the Pink Panther
— a technical massacre.” Carrie agreed that the dancing wasn’t great,
but said that it was Jerry’s best so far. Len said, “It was a very
unusual Tango, but the footwork was good, and it was fun.”

Waiting
for his scores backstage, Jerry said he wasn’t interested in winning
the whole competition, but prefered instead to win “Miss Congeniality.”
He said that he wanted to stick around until the Waltz, so he could do that dance
with his daughter at her wedding. But after he Waltzes, “America should come
to its senses” and eliminate him, because “everything hurts.”
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 7, Len: 7, Bruno: 7 = 21/30

Sara Evans & Tony Dovolani – Jive
In
order to make Sara feel more comfortable, she and Tony worked some
country line dancing into their Jive. In fact, they all but replaced
their Jive with a line dance, complete with cowboy boots. Sara looked
at home in her cowgirl gear, as she stepped to “These Boots Are Made
For Walking.” But Albanian Tony made the least convincing cowboy ever.

Carrie
Ann shouted, “I loved it! You might want to keep those cowboy boots on
for a few more numbers.” Len liked it as well. Bruno told Sara she was
“glowing and radiant. Use those assets.” Watch the video if you’d like
to know which two assets Bruno is refering to.
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 8, Len: 9, Bruno: 8 = 25/30

Mario Lopez & Karina Smirnoff – Tango
To get in the mood for a sexy Tango, Mario kissed Karina on the cheek and smelled her hair during practice.

Mario
and Karina worked in some exciting drops and lifts, breaking holds to
do so — despite the judges’ warnings against such tricks last week.
They’re a great pair of dancers, but Mario needs to believe that the
audience will still appreciate him if he does what he’s supposed to. He
insisted that he’s bending the rules to make things exciting for the
fans, but such statements make it seem as if fans aren’t sophisticated
enough to appreciate ballroom dancing without stunts.

Len asked
the couple point blank, “Whose idea was it to break the hold in the
middle of the dance?” When they didn’t answer (though Karina did hide
behind Tom), Len shouted, “I would’ve given you a 10!” Bruno told the
couple that by including illegal moves, “you make us mark you down.”
Carrie told them, “Respect the rules. You might go further in this
competition.” Still incensed, Len said, “Karina, you’re the jockey,
he’s the horse. You need to get a tighter hold of the reins.” Carrie
Ann and Bruno both agreed that, like Len, they would’ve awarded Mario
and Karina 10s if they’d followed the rules.
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 8, Len: 6, Bruno: 8 = 22/30

Vivica A. Fox & Nick Kosovich – Tango
Following
a cathartic performance last week, Vivica found herself sobbing. “No
one can be as hard as nails all the time,” Nick said of her. But Vivica
recovered quickly, putting on a tutu and taking ballet lessons this
week, at Carrie Ann’s suggestion.

For her dance, Vivica sported
a short hairdo reminiscent of Dorothy Dandridge. But Dorothy never had
to Tango to a song by Shaggy. Vivica put forth a strong effort, looking
tough and elegant throughout.

Bruno called her “the drama queen
of the night.” Carrie said, “You’re a diva!” Vivica ran up to the
judge’s table and kissed Carrie Ann, finally having won over her
harshest critic. Len gave suggestions as to what he thought Vivica’s
middle initial “A” stands for: “Animal, Attack, Aggression, Atmosphere.
I enjoyed it.”
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 9, Len: 9, Bruno: 9 = 27/30

Joey Lawrence & Edyta Sliwinska – Jive
In
honor of their Elvis song, Edyta helped Joey find a pair of “Blue Suede
Shoes.” Edyta’s pseudo-poodle skirt fit right in. Their dancing was
great, although Joey did a handstand, and then flipped Edyta over. It
was a appealing routine, but — after what had transpired earlier in the
show — one that was sure to draw the ire of the judges.

Bruno
reminded “Joey the Dynamo” that lifts aren’t allowed. Carrie told the
couple, “Once again, you were fabulous.” Len, still grumpy after
Mario’s performance, took special offense at Joey’s handstand. “This
isn’t Cirque de Soliel. It isn’t clever. It’s terrible. Don’t do it.”
In reponse to Len’s rant, Tom cracked, “So, you didn’t manage to get
through the whole cigarette during the commercial break.” Joey
apologized for the illegal lifts and promised to do better next week.
Judges’ Scores…Carrie Ann: 8, Len: 6, Bruno: 8 = 22/30



Leaderboard:
1 (tie) – Monique & Louis, Vivica & Nick
3 – Sara & Tony
4 (tie) – Willa & Max, Harry & Ashly, Mario & Karina, Joey & Edyta
8 – Jerry & Kym
9 – Emmitt & Cheryl

Even though their elimination looks inevitable, I voted for Willa and Max. I like watching them dance more than a few of the other couples, so I’m not ready to give up on them just yet.

This week’s episode of The Amazing Race taught us that
quarrelsome teams with decent navigational skills almost always have an
edge over the directionally clueless — no matter how positive their
attitudes. But if I had to pick a team as travel guides for my next
vacation, I’d take eliminated cheerleaders Jamie & Kellie over bickerers like Peter & Sarah or Rob & Kimberly every time.

This week, teams
left the Great Wall of China and headed to Outer Mongolia. Two buses,
leaving two hours apart, carried teams on the first leg of their
journey.

1st bus:
Tyler & James, Duke & Lauren, Peter & Sarah, Dustin & Kandice, Rob & Kimberly

2nd bus:
Jamie & Kellie, Erwin & Godwin, Tom & Terry, Lyn & Karlyn, Mary & David

The
two-hour delay gave teams on the second bus time to clown around
together at the bus station. Kentucky coalminer David was even cajoled
into dancing. The Race has been especially eye-opening for David’s
wife, Mary, who’d never met any Asian or gay people before. Her
assessment? “Damn, I like ’em!”

Both buses arrived at a train
station, where all of the teams were forced to wait for a train to
Ulaanbaatar. Because everyone was on the same train, the first-bus
advantage was rendered completely moot.

While the locals outside
the station were amazed by Sarah’s prosthetic leg and her ability to
run on it, they weren’t impressed enough to pay for her demonstration,
although Peter did ask.

In rainy Ulaanbaatar, teams cheered as
their reckless cab drivers made dangerous attempts to pass cars on the
muddy streets. Some of the cabbies were better than others at finding a
temple, where teams observed a traditional religious dance. Teams
entered in groups, as the dance was only performed every ten minutes.

Cheerleaders
Jamie & Kellie had a passenger on the train write directions (in Mongolian) to the
temple. They handed the directions to their cabbie, who sped them to the temple in first place.

The temple
dancers, wearing oversized masks, performed a short skit before handing
teams their next clue. The clue directed teams to drive to
Terelj National Park in old Russian military jeeps.

Several of the
teams were lucky enough to find native English speakers in town, and
asked them for directions. David & Mary just grabbed a cool local
guy smoking a cigarette and had him ride with them to Terelj.

Along
the drive, the old jeeps started to break down. Tyler & James, who
were in seventh, got a flat tire, only to discover that their jack was
also broken. Rob & Kimberly stopped to help the models, but Lyn & Karlyn passed right by. “It’s not like we’re
being mean,” Karlyn said. “We just want to win.”

Rob &
Kimberly couldn’t remove their jack from its compartment, so they left the models and drove on
ahead. Fortunately for Tyler & James, a couple of locals lent them
a jack and helped them with the tire.

Jamie & Kellie, who’d left the temple first, had
trouble navigating, and then stalled their jeep. By the time Jamie was
able to help Kellie restart their vehicle, they’d fallen into last
place.

When teams arrived at the national park, they had to ride
horses, following a guide to a meadow where their next clue was
waiting. Peter & Sarah were the first team to arrive, followed by
the Miss USA contestants, Dustin & Kandice. So that Sarah’s
prosthesis didn’t get caught in the stirrup, she put a fake foot and
shoe on the end of her leg. Kandice donned the required protective (and
furry) Mongolian helmet and yelled, “I’m a Mongolian, baby. Get me some
barbecue!”

Within eyesight of the park, David drove his jeep
into a mud pit. Unable to get the vehicle out, he and Mary were forced
to wait for a replacement. The smoking guy took it as his cue to leave.
And several teams arrived in the meantime, including Rob and Kimberly.

As Kimberly mounted her horse, she asked Rob, “Can horses smell fear?”

He replied, “No, that’s bees and dogs, I think.”

But
Kimberly might have been on to something. Minutes later, her horse rode
under a low hanging branch, clotheslining Kimberly and knocking her to
the ground. Their guide had to chase down the horse as Kimberly sat and
cried. Instead of asking if she was okay, Rob told Kimberly she was okay.

Kimberly’s fall wasn’t even the most dramatic of the day.
Kandice fell off her horse, caught her foot in the stirrup, and was
dragged for several yards, before the horse broke free. She was fine,
though she lost her Mongolian helmet in the process.

Just when
teams thought their animal ordeals were over, they reached the next
cluebox. A Detour forced teams to “Take It Down or Fill It Up.”

In
Take It Down, teams disassembled a traditional tent shelter used by
nomads. They then packed the tent components in a specific manner, so
that the tent could be strapped onto a camels back. The task was more
complicated than it was physically demanding.

In Fill It Up,
teams drove an ox-cart to a stream, filled up jugs of water, then drove
the cart back to a large barrel and emptied their pails into it. It
took at least two trips to the stream to collect enough water to fill
the barrel, and success was entirely dependent on the mood of the ox.

Peter
& Sarah attempted to pack up the tent, but couldn’t figure out how
to do it properly. So they switched tasks, only to be given the most
temperamental ox this side of Manila. The ox ran away, sending empty pails falling off of the back of their cart.

Sarah’s
frustration boiled over, and she started to cry. Peter then stopped
everything to lecture Sarah on why things were going to be okay. She
told him to keep driving the ox-cart, but Peter refused to budge. He
projected his own frustrations onto Sarah and scolded her for “losing
it.”

Sarah replied, “I’m just getting teary. I’m not losing it.”
Eventually, she convinced Peter that her crying didn’t mean she was
giving up, and they continued with the task.

When Peter tried to
drive the cart again, the ox ran away a second time. The couple
switched Detours again, returning to Take It Down. There, Duke &
Lauren were already loading items onto their camel’s back.

Other
teams had more success with their oxen, though the rides weren’t
smooth. Rob, seated on the back of the bumpy cart and holding the water
pails, blamed the uncomfortable ride on his driver, Kimberly. He
shouted orders at her as she led their ox.

Kimberly could only listen to Rob complain for so long before she yelled, “Shut up!”

Rob thought for a split-second before replying, “You shut up!”

Dustin
& Kandice finished Fill It Up around the same time Duke &
Lauren finished Take it Down. Both teams were excited to receive their
clue, which directed them to drive to the Hotel Mongolia.

However,
the clue specified that teams needed to ride their horses back to their
jeeps, wearing all of the safety gear they’d worn to the Detour.
Kandice had lost her helmet when she fell off of her horse, and she and
Dustin couldn’t remember exactly where that had happened.

Their
guide thought he remembered where Kandice’s helmet had fallen, and he
went to retrieve it, as they waited. In the meantime, several other
teams completed the Detour, and last place team Jamie & Kellie had
arrived. When they noticed Dustin & Kandice standing around, Kellie
told Jamie, “I think they’re done and they’re just, like, chillin’ or
something.”

Like Peter & Sarah, single moms Lyn & Karlyn
started on the tent task, only to give up and switch to the ox-cart.
While they were switching tasks, Jamie & Kellie started Take It
Down.

Both teams finished their respective detours at the same
time, and were now in a race to avoid last place. They rode to their
jeeps…only to find both vehicles stalled.

Jamie & Kellie
found some men who explained that they needed to take a bar from under
the hood, insert it in a hole in the jeep’s grill, and actually crank
their car to start it. After Lyn & Karlyn tried and failed to crank
their own car, they got some help, too, and were on the road soon after
the cheerleaders.

Once teams were on the road, they were able to
relax and make up. Sort of. Peter attributed his team’s problems to
Sarah’s meltdown, not acknowledging that he’d been pretty molten,
himself.

And, in their jeep, Rob clarified his surly behavior to
Kimberly. “I wasn’t yelling at you. I just… didn’t know how else to say
it.”

At the Hotel Mongolia, teams encountered a Roadblock:
“Who’s ready to aim high?” One team member needed to complete a
traditional Mongolian training exercise, by shooting a flaming arrow
and igniting a target 160 feet away.

Peter ignited his target
first, and he and Sarah ran to the nearby Pit Stop. For finishing in
first place, the couple won trip to a Mexican resort. While
interviewing them at the mat, Phil asked Sarah, “Did you ever expect, in two legs, to be in first place?” To her credit, Sarah took Phil’s awkward choice of words in stride.

Tyler
& James finished in second, followed by Lauren & Duke, Tom
& Terry, Dustin & Kandice, and Rob & Kimberly. David
completed the Roadblock next, and on his way to the Pit Stop with Mary,
she twisted her ankle. They still finished in seventh, followed by
the Cho brothers, Erwin & Godwin.

On their drive to the hotel, Jamie &
Kellie became convinced that they were driving the wrong way. They
asked some locals, who told them to turn around. They did, soon passing
Lyn & Karlyn going the other direction.

When the
cheerleaders pulled over to ask for directions again, they realized
they’d made a mistake in doubling back. “Today is our stupid day,”
said Jamie. They turned around again. But, by this point, they were too
far behind Lyn and Karlyn, who finished ninth.

At the Roadblock,
Kellie tried to finish strong, but she never got the hang of using the
bow. After several hours, her arm was too tired to shoot another arrow,
and the team walked to the Pit Stop for a mercy elimination.

Next week:
Duke & Lauren don’t have the money to pay a cabbie. And Tom &
Terry fight with Dustin & Kandice, after the Beauty Queens cut in
line.