Maksim Speaks
Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who’s been laying low since Dancing with the Stars wrapped, made his first post at his own website’s forum. Here’s an excerpt:

“It
was very nice to see that there are people out there that look past my
‘russian asshole’ face and see that I am not a bad guy. As a dancer one
must be emotional and expressive and god knows I have no problem with
it when I dance. My problem starts when music shuts off and I am off
the dance floor.”

He promises to post more pictures and respond to questions through the forum.

No Dancing at the Daytime Emmys
Kelly Monaco says dancing isn’t part of her hosting duties at the Daytime Emmys. However, fans shouldn’t be too upset, since they’ll be treated to a musical performance by General Hospital legend, Rick Springfield.

Burping with the Stars
Fame certainly has its privileges. Tom Bergeron emceed the ultimate celebrity burp-off competition during Nickelodeon’s Kids Choice Awards on April 1. Justin Timberlake out-belched Hugh Jackman, earning Wolverine a pie to the face.

Following in the footsteps of TAR 7 merchant Chicololo, Jagino the Sicilian fishmonger became internationally famous, thanks to pairs of stinky Americans yelling his name as they carried swordfish around an outdoor market. Nerds Dave & Lori lugged around their catch of the day for nothing, as they were the latest team eliminated from The Amazing Race.

As this leg of the race began, hippies BJ & Tyler had a two hour lead on the second place team, frat guys Eric & Jeremy. The hippies arrived in Catania, Sicily, with enough time to write an obviously fake “Official Team Sign-up” sheet and post it at the gate of a ruined Roman amphitheater, which didn’t open until 8:30 a.m.

They watched from their car as Frat Guys Eric & Jeremy signed their names to the sheet. The Frats gave the sheet a second look, and then knew it was bogus once they noticed the Hippies nearby, in hysterics.

Although they had to wait for the ruins to open, the two lead teams got a jump on the competition, who all got stuck in rush hour traffic and didn’t arrive at the theater by opening time. After a simple task, counting 41 heads on fenceposts around the theater, both teams chose a Detour option called “Big Fish,” which required them to carry a 32-pound swordfish several blocks to Jagino’s market stall.

The task was easy for them, but not so for third place MoJo. Monica struggled to carry the heavy, bloody fish as Joseph tried to call out the fishmonger’s name: “Jingo! Jango! Jurino!” She stopped several times to cry before they found Jagino.

Fran & Barry were the only team to choose the other Detour option, “Little Fish.” They took over a market stall and sold four kilos of small fish in order to receive their clue. The sight of Monica in tears was confirmation that they’d chosen the right task.

Nerds Dave & Lori left the Pit Stop nearly 10 minutes ahead of last place team Ray & Yolanda. But, upon approching Catania, Dave refused to ask for directions, despite Lori’s insistence. By the time he stopped to ask for help, Ray & Yolanda had already reached the first clue.

After finishing their fishy tasks, teams drove to Siracusa, where they encountered a Road Block. One team member had to hop in a kayak and join a water polo game played on a section of the local river. Teams could walk to the Pit Stop as soon as their water polo player scored a goal.

The Frats pulled ahead of the Hippies during the drive to Siracusa, and finished quickly, despite Jeremy initially forgetting his paddle on the dock. Jeremy scored a goal before BJ was even in his kayak.

Phil waited at the Pit Stop near a natural spring, accompanied by a local marching band. When the Frats arrived, Phil remarked on their fishy smell. Jeremy explained that the scent was a new cologne called “Sword.” The team’s first place finish earned them a cruise vacation.

All the teams stayed in the same order from the Detour to the Pit Stop, which left Dave & Lori in last place. Their elimination wasn’t all bad. If this had been a non-elimination leg, they could’ve been forced to wear their smelly fish-clothes for the rest of the race. Dave & Lori held their heads high, knowing they’d raced well and had the experience of a lifetime.

Leaderboard:
1 – Eric & Jeremy
2 – BJ & Tyler
3 – Monica & Joseph
4 – Fran & Barry
5 – Lake & Michelle
6 – Ray & Yolanda
7 – Dave & Lori

With six episodes remaining, and presumably only two more teams to eliminate before the finale, expect things to get pretty complicated over the next few episodes. We’ve yet to see a true non-elimination leg, where a team is stripped of their money and possessions, so it’s a good bet that next week will be the first.

Also, we’ve yet to see a Fast Forward opportunity, so expect at least one in the coming weeks. There is one Yield opportunity remaining, and in past seasons, Yields have often occurred on non-elimination legs. Unless the first team to arrive exercises their Yield option, the Frats and Hippies may continue to trade the first and second place spots until the finale.

Next week, teams travel to nearby Greece, where Fran must overcome her fear of bungee jumping. Tyler develops some new fears of his own while wrestling a guy in a loincloth during some ancient Greek games.

Guest judge Naomi Judd let contestants have it on tonight’s episode of
Nashville Star. Melanie Torres was eliminated, as the voting audience
continued to pick off the women.

To her credit, Naomi did offer
some helpful professional insight, throwing around terms like
“resonance” and “vocal timbre.” But she didn’t hold back on catty
remarks, telling Kristen she needed tips on how to do her hair and
makeup.

In response to Casey Rivers’s lame version of “Great
Balls of Fire,” Naomi offered her best line: “Sounds more like ‘Great
Balls of Lukewarm.'”

Chris Young was the only standout performer
among the men. He finally realized that women respond favorably to
good-looking guys who can sing, and started playing to the ladies in
the audience. Now that he’s adopted that approach, it’s his competition
to lose.

The best female performer of the night was Nicole
Jamrose, who narrowly beat Melanie to stay in the competition. Nicole
took a risk singing “Thing Called Love,” a song that suits her voice
but obviously invites comparison with Bonnie Raitt. Nicole held her
own, turning out a strong rendition, without sounding like an imitation
of the woman who made the song famous.

Judge Anastasia Brown
said that Nicole was the best woman in the competition, but the voting
audience obviously favors Kristen McNamara. Kristen performed the
over-covered “How Do I Live Without You,” which, coincidentally, was
also performed on tonight’s American Idol. Kristen might deserve to be kicked off just for picking that song.

Jared Ashley and Matt Mason both sounded nasally, and one of them will probably wind up in the bottom two next week.

As
for what else will happen on next week’s show, I have no idea. Wynonna
couldn’t concentrate during the show’s closing moments, because her
mother was onstage with her. And Troy was equally distracted, because
something shiny was onstage near him. They mumbled something about next
week’s show, but their delivery was so off, I couldn’t tell what they
said.

Hopefully, the wardrobe department will put Wynonna in
something more flattering next week. The bell sleeves of her blouse
invited Kool-Aid Man comparisons. And then her mother said, “You’re the
best Hostess since Twinkies.” And…oh, hell.

Bryce doused himself with gasoline and handed Donald Trump the lighter for a spectacular boardroom suicide on tonight’s Apprentice. The blaze ended with Bryce’s snotty taxi cab confession: “It wouldn’t hurt Trump to listen once in a while.”

This week’s task was a disaster waiting to happen. Teams had to write a jingle to promote Arby’s Chicken Naturals sandwiches. Arby’s execs didn’t specify what their competitors’ “unnatural” chicken sandwiches are made of.

Before the task had even been announced, Gold Rush was off to a bad start. Bryce called a team meeting to air any bad feelings. Tarek’s belief that he’s been unfairly targeted in the boardroom because he’s the player to beat earned him a reaction that was equal parts outrage and “Huh?”

Then Lee announced that he couldn’t participate in the task because of Yom Kippur, effectively garnering him a pass from the boardroom. If Tarek was really smart, he’d find some obscure foreign holiday and take it off, just to avoid being Trump’s whipping boy for a week.

After receiving their assignment, Gold Rush arrived 25 minutes late for a meeting with the Arby’s execs. When the CEO asked Bryce if they’d gotten lost, Bryce responded with a nonsequitur: “Did we get lost? Leslie has some questions for you guys.”

The execs called Bryce on his attempt to dodge the question, so he clarified that he didn’t know they were running late because he didn’t know what time the meeting was. To make matters worse, he didn’t even apologize.

When it came time to work on the jingle, the team learned that Lenny was useless for the task. After explaining that jingle bells are not required for a jingle, and then hearing him sing, they found him a spot on the couch far away from the piano.

Tarek wrote a corny, hoedown-meets-The-Andrews-Sisters melody that the group approved because they didn’t have any better ideas. Bryce decided his talents were best put to use sitting on the couch next to Lenny, leaving Charmaine and Leslie to write all the lyrics.

Gold Rush’s half-hearted effort was no match for Roxanne’s catchy rock number, which Synergy Project Manager Sean approved immediately. The death blow was that Synergy’s jingle mentioned that natural chicken was only available at Arby’s. (Again, if that’s true, then what unholy creation dies to make a McChicken?) When approving Charmaine’s and Leslie’s lyrics for Gold Rush, Bryce didn’t notice that his team had neglected to mention this fact, which the Arby’s execs had emphasized.

Synergy’s reward was a 6-course truffle dinner that retailed for thousands of dollars per person. Allie spent the meal fawning over Sean’s accent, while Sean smothered the women with compliments, cheek kisses, and hand-holding. Meanwhile, Michael rolled his eyes.

In preparation for the boardroom, Bryce rallied the troops again, promising not to backstab or humiliate any of them. Because the editors included this proclamation, it seemed clear that Bryce would not adhere to it.

When asked by Trump why Gold Rush lost, Bryce glossed over Tarek’s stupid song and Charmaine’s and Leslie’s lousy lyrics. Instead, he immediately blamed Lenny for not contributing to the final product. It didn’t occur to Bryce that he and Lenny contributed roughly the same amount. And at least Lenny had tried to help, though he said that converting his clever Russian rhymes to English was “crap.”

Trump asked Lee if he should be fired for skipping the task to observe a religious holiday. Lee didn’t bite, saying that he couldn’t ignore his religion just for the show, but that sometimes life is unfair.

Mistakenly, Bryce took this as a sign from Trump to bring Lee into the boardroom, along with Lenny. When Trump asked, “Do you really think I’m going to fire Lee?” Bryce replied that he was sure Lee wouldn’t be fired. Carolyn asked, “Why don’t you just say, ‘Fire me, Mr. Trump’?”

Upholding some moral code understood only by him, Bryce continued to defend his decision not to bring in Charmaine or Tarek instead of Lenny and Lee. As time passed in the boardroom, Bryce became more shrill, sarcastic, and defensive, much like his attack on Lenny during the car dealer task.

Trump didn’t appreciate Bryce’s frequent interruptions, and was especially furious that he brought Lee into the boardroom. Bryce was fired, and Carolyn and Bill agreed that it was a particularly easy decision.

Departing in his cab, Bryce said, “Trump doesn’t scare me. Neither does Carolyn. Neither does Bill. The best candidate is sitting in this cab, and Mr. Trump’s going to realize that.” The camera cut to credits, but returned so that Bryce could grumble, “It wouldn’t hurt Trump to listen once in a while.”

With one delusional egomaniac who won’t acknowledge his own faults gone, will Gold Rush be able to win despite Tarek, their other delusional, faultless egomaniac? Next week’s charity-related task may not even be enough to turn this grumpy bunch of losers into functional adult members of society.

After one month and tens of thousands of votes, here’s the final list of ten celebrity contestants that you chose to be on your dream season of Dancing with the Stars. You went for a lot of comic relief, and a little bit of royalty — a Duchess and a Warrior Princess.

Congratulations to Meg in Connecticut, who nominated half of the contestants that survived all the way to the final cast! (And many of her other picks fared pretty well, too.)

THE MEN

Chevy Chase (nominated by Meg in Connecticut)
Following in the footsteps of John O’Hurley and George Hamilton, Chase could be the dream season’s suave funnyman. Maybe ABC could have Chase dance to “Moon River,” in an homage to Fletch.

Ricky Paull Goldin (nominated by Monique in New York)
The dream season’s soap star is Guiding Light hunk Goldin. He barely made it to our final round, but fared well once he got there.

Wayne Gretzky (nominated by Meg in Connecticut)
The Great One showed how elegant he could be in what’s often viewed as a brutal sport. As the dream season’s athlete, we’d get to see if his skills hold up when he’s not wearing skates.

Tito Jackson (nominated by Dianna in Illinois)
He may not do as well on the show as Drew Lachey. But, like Drew, Tito is a talented musician who’s best known for being someone’s brother.

Weird Al Yankovic (anonymously nominated)
We don’t know who originally nominated Weird Al, but we’re glad that person did so. This would actually be Al’s second appearance on a hit ABC reality show. Last fall, he showed up on an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

THE WOMEN

Roseanne Barr (nominated by Meg in Connecticut)
At her show’s peak, Roseanne was one of the most influential stars in Hollywood. These days, the second Becky (Sarah Chalke, now of Scrubs) gets more airtime. DwtS could signal Roseanne’s return to the spotlight.

Candice Bergen (nominated by Meg in Connecticut)
Bergen would be a great choice for DwtS‘s first over-60 woman. And, with her duties on Boston Legal, she won’t have far to commute on days when both shows are shooting.

Kathy Griffin (nominated by Nancy in PA)
In retrospect, it seems a little surprising that Griffin hasn’t already been a contestant on Dancing with the Stars. She may be a self-proclaimed D-lister, but what does that make Trista Rehn?

Lucy Lawless (nominated by Udoni in New York)
Hercules didn’t quite make the cut, but Xena was a shoo-in. Lawless might keep her chakram handy, just in case Carrie Ann gets a little snippy.

Sarah, Duchess of York (nominated by Meg in Connecticut)
Having Fergie on the show could be fun. Not only because she’d be great contestant, but because we’d get to see if Len could bring himself to give a Duchess anything less than a 10.

Thanks to all of you who nominated, voted, or just visited during the contest. We had a lot of fun running it, and we hope you had fun participating. Keep visiting over the next few months, as we promise to keep posting Dancing with the Stars news and interviews – in and out of season!

It was merge week on Survivor: Panama – Exile Island. All ten remaining castaways pretended to get along, until the members of the old Casaya tribe ganged up to vote off Nick.

The morning after voting out Dan (which happened three weeks ago in viewer time), the last three La Mina men, Terry, Austin, and Nick, received instructions to pack up camp and row to Casaya’s beach. Sally, who was still on Exile Island, was picked up in a separate boat.

Casaya was eating rice for breakfast when they noticed the three men rowing toward them. They quickly gorged on the rest of their rice because, as Aras put it, “We’re heathens, and we didn’t want to share.”

La Mina didn’t have a clue of Casaya’s true feelings, as their hosts quickly finished chewing and greeted them warmly at the beach. Sally was soon dropped off, and everyone enjoyed a crate full of wine and snacks as one big, happy family.

As soon as the snacks were gone, Terry approached Bruce about switching sides, as the ex-La Minans were outnumbered, 6-4. Shane and Aras witnessed the discussion from afar, and later tried to pump up Bruce’s ego to make sure he didn’t take Terry up on his offer.

Bruce was having a great time being the most powerful man at camp, until Nick hit him the face with a machete. It was an accident, of course, but the blow chipped a tooth and gave Bruce a nice gash on his lip.

Alas, Bruce was not the immobile figure ferried away by medical staff in the middle of the night that CBS has been hyping in their Survivor promos. Though I’ve had trouble imagining what could be more serious than a head wound from a machete blade.

The new tribe decided on the name “Gitanos,” apparently in honor of the brand of blue jeans (“Jordaches” was their second choice). Art teacher Bruce painted the tribe flag — with blood from the wound on his face! Or paint.

Terry broadened his pool of potential recruits when he approached Shane and Cirie with the ridiculous offer to “take the burden of Tribal Council” off of them for the next two weeks. Shane and Cirie laughed about it, and told Terry he wasn’t in a position to offer them anything. Cirie equated Terry to a dictionary salesman, and herself to someone who already had a set of encyclopedias.

At the Immunity Challenge, contestants had to hang from a horizontal wooden post by their arms and legs for as long as possible. Looking like pigs on a spit, almost everyone dropped within 13 minutes, especially after Jeff Probst told them there was no food to tempt them down later, as has happened in past seasons.

The three most vulnerable people, Austin, Nick, and Terry, were the last on the pole. Austin made a big show of struggling to hang on, later admitting at Tribal Council that he was trying to fool people into thinking he was the weakest of the three. After 30 minutes, he realized Terry and Nick weren’t going to budge and he dropped to the ground.

Nick made it to 46 minutes before falling off, and Terry was awarded the macrame immunity bib.

Back at camp, Shane irritated the former La Minans by loudly announcing a gathering of the old Casaya tribe to discuss how they would vote. Sally, Terry, Nick, and Austin agreed to vote for Shane just to get under his skin.

At Tribal Council, Cirie said she would be “flabbergasted” if any of her old teammates switched sides. Her intuition was right, as Bruce stuck with Casaya and voted Nick off the island. After this week’s episode, everyone who remains will either be a member of the jury or one of the final two contestants competing for $1 million.

Nick’s well-rehearsed parting words were a plea to directionless twentysomethings to take the time to find out who they really are. According to Nick, self-knowledge can be achieved by turning off your iPod and not eating “for a while.”

Nick is the slacker bodhisattva.

Next week, Terry admits to Sally that he found the hidden Immunity Idol on Exile Island. The entire tribe gets wind of the news and discusses whether it’s true and, if so, what to do about it.

USA Network’s celebration of country music and cross-promotion continued on this week’s episode of Nashville Star. USA plugged its Monday night wrestling program, and, after the other contestents performed, Monique LeCompte was eliminated from the competition.

Kenny Rogers got the show off to a surreal start, as his bad plastic surgery distracted from an uptempo, solo version of “Islands in the Stream.” He closed out the show with an uninspiring new song, “I Can’t Unlove You.” Perhaps he can rework the song to promote his chain of chicken restaurants: “I Can’t Unroast You.”

To promote USA’s Monday Night Raw, the reigning WWE champ, John Cena, filled in as guest judge. Kudos to John for showing up despite having taken multiple blows to the head from a sledgehammer the night before.

Last week’s guest judge, Larry the Cable Guy, contributed nothing to the show. But John Cena earned his place at the judges’ table when he told the evening’s first performer, Jared Ashley, “I’ve watched this show the last two weeks, and TV does you no justice.” It was nice to see a guest judge who’s actually been following the competition.

Cena wasn’t afraid to criticize contestants, either. After Kristen McNamara’s rendition of “This One’s for the Girls,” he told her that he didn’t believe her performance. “You’re singing about women’s empowerment. I didn’t believe you felt it.”

Judge Anastasia Brown handed out some criticism of her own. She urged Matt Mason to stop picking songs just because he likes them, and start thinking about what his fans want to hear.

Casey Rivers made the bold decision to perform without the backup band, and the judges felt the gamble paid off. Later, Chris Young gave what Anastasia called a “smooth” performance, but she said, “Casey took the bigger risk. There’s only one winner, so you do the math.”

Chris’s style and vocals still make him the lead contender among the men, with Nicole Jamrose is at the top for the women. She’s the only singer with anything close to gritty vocals, she hits no sour notes, and her authentic country style is a far cry from the pop polish of her female competitors.

Next week, Sara Evans performs and Naomi Judd serves as guest judge. Matt could be on the chopping block after his nasally performance this week, as could Jared, who always sounds like he’s doing an impression of a song’s original vocalist. Or it could be Melanie Torres, who’s talented, but can’t compete with Nicole’s vocals or the buzz Kristen is generating.

Drew News
Drew Lachey had a busy week, and Star Magazine was there to cover it all. Drew’s wife, Lea, gave birth to a baby girl, Isabella Claire, on Thursday, March 23. And it was announced that Drew will host this year’s Miss USA pageant. The pageant airs on NBC on Friday, April 21.

O’Hurley to Preside over Feud
Thanks in large part to the notoriety he gained during DwtS‘s first season, John O’Hurley has earned himself a gig as the new host of Family Feud. His duties coincide with the show’s 30th season. O’Hurley previously hosted another game show, To Tell the Truth, from 2000 until 2002.

Max’s Charity
Some of Max’s students were featured on DwtS, but he’s also on the board of directors of Dance Team USA. The organization works to encourage youth participation in Dancesport in America. They participate in a number of events each year, and one is coming up in April: the Philadelphia Festival Dancesport Championships.

Lisa Rinna: The New Face of Tupperware
According to her MySpace blog, Lisa is spending some time this week helping launch the new line of Tupperware products. That’s an endearingly goofy brand to endorse, which makes me like Lisa that much more.

Luck finally ran out for the perky girls of the Pink team, Dani & Danielle. At the Roadblock, Lake & Michelle Yielded the girls, putting an end to their Amazing Race.

This week’s leg started in Munich, Germany. Frat Guys Eric & Jeremy were the first team to leave at 2:15 a.m. Their clue instructed them to fly to Palermo, Sicily, via Rome. Ticket counters at the airport were closed for the night, but the guys learned from airport information that the first flight to Rome left at 6:35 a.m.

Hippies BJ & Tyler arrived at the airport an hour later, along with Lake & Michelle, who headed immediately for the public internet terminals. The Frats and Hippies killed time racing in wheelchairs through an improvised obstacle course.

After BJ lost his wheelchair race with Eric, the Hippies also researched flights on the internet. Lake and Michelle found themselves frustrated, because the airline’s site was in German. The Hippies, however, figured out how to change the webpage’s language to English, and they booked seats on the 6:35 flight. By the time Lake & Michelle figured out the website, the flight was booked.

The Frats successfully opted for standby tickets on the earliest flight, but Lake & Michelle settled for a flight that left at 9:30. Here’s the order in which all the teams left the airport:

1st Flight to Rome – Hippies, Frats
2nd Flight to Rome – Lake & Michelle, Fran & Barry, MoJo, Nerds
3rd Flight to Rome – Ray & Yolanda, Pinks

1st Flight to Palermo – Hippies (arrived at 10:15 a.m.)
2nd Flight to Palermo – Frats (unknown arrival time)
3rd Flight to Palermo – Fran & Barry, MoJo, Nerds (arrived at 1:15 p.m.)
4th Flight to Palermo – Lake & Michelle, Ray & Yolanda, Pinks (arrived at 2 p.m.)

When teams arrived in Palermo, their first clue instructed them to drive to a seaside village and look for a cluebox along the waterfront. Because the box was incredibly obvious, Fran & Barry walked by it several times before finding it.

The cluebox held a Detour: “Foundry” or “Laundry.” “Foundry” required teams to lug a heavy metal bell up hundreds of stairs to a church. In “Laundry,” teams searched 2400 articles of clothing hanging on lines for one of 16 articles with a red and yellow tag sewn on the inside.

After having luck with the Russian dolls two episodes ago, the Hippies decided to search the laundry. When they found a tagged piece, they affected their best Super Mario Brothers accents: “That-a didn’t take a long-a time.”

The Frats also searched the laundry, observing that one of the items looked like “Phil’s turtleneck.” They succeeded, and the next clue directed them to the site of an ancient amphitheater — which doubled as the site of this season’s first Yield.

Monica & Joseph (MoJo) and Ray & Yolanda were the only teams to choose the “Foundry” Detour. Both teams finished the task rather quickly, with Joseph and Ray doing most of the heavy lifting.

Fran & Barry lost time looking for the cluebox and were still searching laundry when Nerds David & Lori arrived. Fran & Barry finished and moved on, and the Nerds’ patience started to wear thin.

After initially having trouble figuring out their stick shift, the Pinks caught up with the Nerds and with Lake & Michelle, who bled time searching the streets for the laundry. Eventually, the Nerds found a tagged shirt. They were soon followed by Lake & Michelle, which left the Pinks in last place, again.

After teams parked near the old amphitheater, they needed to hike nearly a mile uphill to find the cluebox. There, they had the opportunity to Yield another team, forcing that team to wait a predetermined amount of time before continuing with the task. None of the early teams exercised the Yield option.

The next clue was a Roadblock. One team member had to build a replica of a Greek statue from disassembled pieces. However, there were two extra pieces that didn’t fit with the statue, and were just thrown in to confuse teams. Tyler wasn’t fooled. Upon assembling his statue, he said, “Maybe these extra pieces are just extra pieces!”

Tyler received the team’s final clue of the leg, and he and BJ headed to the Pit Stop. They walked back down the hill to the ruins of an ancient temple. Tyler told Phil he hoped that their prize for coming in first place was “pizza pie.” Phil told them it was actually a digital imaging hardware and software package, eliciting the enthusiastic response, “Whoa! Digital Imaging!”

As Eric assembled the statue for the Frats, Jeremy helpfully offered to remove his shirt and pose as a demonstration model. The statue’s extra pieces didn’t trick Eric either, and the guys finished quickly. But they were disappointed in their second place finish for the leg.

Monica was the first statue builder to get hung up on the extra pieces, although only momentarily. MoJo came in third.

Fran & Barry were next. As they made their way to the Pit Stop, they met up with Lake & Michelle, who had gone to the temple instead of the amphitheater. Lake asked where the cluebox was, and Barry refused to tell him, even though it wouldn’t have hurt his team.

Lake & Michelle eventually found the right path to the amphitheater, and they noticed the Pink team pulling into the parking lot. By then, the Nerds had already arrived, and Lori was assembling her statue. Lake & Michelle, unaware that Ray & Yolanda were also behind them, yielded the Pinks.

Lake decided to tackle the puzzle because, in his words, “I’m a dentist. I’m good with my hands.” He quickly assembled the statue, as Lori — convinced that the two extra pieces were required — started to melt down. Only after taking her statue apart several times and breaking down in tears did she realize the pieces were red herrings.

Lori wasn’t the only one in tears. As the Pinks waited out their Yield, they welled up, too. When it was finally time for the Pinks to start their puzzle, they realized that they weren’t in last place. That dishonor belonged to Ray & Yolanda, who were finally arriving at the amphitheater, after having some major navigation issues on the road.

Danielle was well on her way to assembling her statue by the time Ray started on his. But as Ray made up time, he started to trash-talk her, good-naturedly: “Uh oh. It’s getting close, Danielle. I’m coming like Christmas.”

Ray finished first, and he and his speedy girlfriend, Yolanda, raced down the hill to the Pit Stop. Danielle soon completed her statue, but she and Dani had no hope of catching up to Ray & Yolanda. The Pinks were eliminated, breaking the Frat Guys’ hearts.

Leaderboard:
1 – BJ & Tyler
2 – Eric & Jeremy
3 – Monica & Joseph
4 – Fran & Barry
5 – Lake & Michelle
6 – David & Lori
7 – Ray & Yolanda
8 – Dani & Danielle (eliminated)

Next week, teams have to sell fish to the Sicilians, and Monica suffers the emotional breakdown of the week.

After two crappy commercials and a few lost diamonds, this week’s Apprentice ended with Trump firing Gold Rush Project Manger Dan. Even though Dan managed his team to a loss, he didn’t deserve to go before the world’s stupidest genius, Tarek.

This week’s task was to promote Norwegian Cruise Line’s (NCL) new “Freestyle Cruising” program. Freestyle cruisers can dine or use the ship’s workout facilities whenever they want — as if gorging on free crab legs for a week straight isn’t exercise enough.

Teams had to film a 30-second commercial while onboard one of NCL’s liners, the Norwegian Jewel. They had three hours to film before the boat left port.

Dan led Gold Rush with a frenzied style, yelling and gesturing as he rapidly tried to execute Lenny’s idea involving a shipwrecked man rescued by the Norwegian Jewel. The idea violates rule #1 in the cruising industry: don’t remind the customer that the boat might sink.

Dan shrugged off Lenny’s plan to tell the castaway’s story through a voiceover, and instead used Tarek’s idea of subtitles. The end result was a confusing spot that left the NCL executives wondering why the lead actor had seaweed on his head.

Synergy’s commercial wasn’t much better. They contrasted traditional cruises with the new “Freestyle” program by showing black and white footage of an unhappy couple being served champagne, followed by color footage of people having fun at all hours on the Norwegian Jewel. It was amateurish, but at least its message was clear — and it had a voiceover, so that people not actively watching the commercial would at least still hear it.

During the task, Andrea did her best to derail Project Manager Roxanne’s efforts. Still smarting from Roxanne’s recent boardroom assertion that Andrea wasn’t as good a leader as Tammy, Andrea objected to all of Roxanne’s proposals — good or bad — throughout the task.

Somehow, Andrea convinced herself that her objections were in the best interest of the team, not in the name of petty retribution. She was so focused on getting Roxanne fired that Andrea actually looked disappointed when Synergy won.

Maybe the task’s reward, $30,000 worth of diamonds, cheered Andrea up. But probably not, since she had Roxanne to thank for it.

Synergy was taken to a Brink’s warehouse to learn about diamonds. Inside of a vault containing over $100 million in diamonds, an expert instructed the team on how to carefully inspect the gems. The candidates struggled with their tweezers, accidentally flinging several diamonds onto the floor. Once they were able to get a grip on the stones, each member was allowed to pick a diamond to take home.

Before Gold Rush headed to the boardroom, Tarek strategized with Dan. The plan was to point the finger at Lenny and Lee. But Tarek reminded Dan that, inside the boardroom, no one was his friend.

That comment made it easier for Dan to bring Tarek back in with him once everyone blamed Tarek’s worthless text for their loss. Dan stuck with the plan to bring Lee as well, although no one understood exactly how Lee contributed to the team’s failure.

This season, Trump’s favorite criterion for firing people is to axe Project Managers who don’t bring obvious choices into the boardroom. Trump felt that Lenny belonged in the boardroom for suggesting the original shipwreck idea, and Dan was fired for declining to bring Lenny in.

This firing strategy allowed the weakest remaining competitor, Tarek, to continue. Despite three trips to the boardroom, and after making major mistakes during tasks, Tarek is still in the game. There’s no way an employer would tolerate that, especially if it came at the expense of a first time offender like Dan. Tarek has no chance of winning, and his presence reminds viewers of that, week after week.

The only reason Trump keeps Tarek around is to toy with him. Since the season’s first episode, Trump has made witty remarks like, “I think the Mensa people should change the test.” We already understand that Tarek isn’t as smart as he thinks he is. It’s time for Trump to move on to a new joke.

Next week, the candidates sing, and the show moves to 10 p.m. Eastern time. Since my NCAA bracket was decimated this weekend, I may actually tune into The Apprentice instead of basketball.