Another Possible Season 3 Celebrity
USC Quarterback Matt Leinart is the latest celeb rumored to be a candidate for DWTS 3. The subject came up at last weekend’s NFL draft, where Leinart was picked 10th by the Arizona Cardinals.

Stacy Visits Fresno State on Sunday
Before the May 7 WWE event at Fresno State, Stacy Keibler will hold an autograph session “between the Save Mart Center and the Student Recreation Center.” Wristbands for this prestigious sounding event will be handed out to the first 500 fans at 2 p.m.

Cheryl Tours the Philippines
Cheryl Burke is spending a week in the Philippines, and she celebrated her birthday by meeting President Macapagal-Arroyo. In an interview, Cheryl revealed that she has a surprising celebrity fan: Samuel L. Jackson. If his summer movie, Snakes on a Plane, does well at the box office, maybe there will be a part for Cheryl in the sequel — Snakes on a Plane 2: Dancing with the Snakes.

Master P Stirs up Trouble
Master P keeps making headlines by perpetuating a rivalry between his son, Romeo, and fellow rapper, Bow Wow. At Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards last month, P said that the youngsters might have come to blows had Bow Wow not retreated to his trailer. Bow Wow responded that Romeo was just upset because he “can’t sell no records and your daddy is on Dancing with the Stars.” Ouch!

Now Master P is upset that Romeo’s new album isn’t receiving radio support, and he contends that Bow Wow’s record label is forcing stations not to play Romeo’s single. P’s threatening to start his own radio stations if that’s what it takes to get Romeo’s album out, and worse, he’s planning to release a book entitled How to Be Successful and Still Be Yourself. Need anyone remind him how far being himself got him on DWTS?

America’s Ballroom Challenge Track List
Fans of the PBS program America’s Ballroom Challenge can view the complete song list from the show at its official website. Kudos to Tony Dovolani for trying to make Jon Secada relevant again.

Weepy dad Shane was finally rewarded with a visit from his son, Boston.
But he became the next victim of Cirie’s masterful plot to eliminate
the easy money options from Survivor: Panama – Exile Island.

Knowing
that Shane was surprised by Courtney’s elimination at the last Tribal
Council, Aras and Cirie lied to him to keep up the pretense that their
alliance was still intact. They explained that Danielle told Cirie at
the last minute that she was going to vote with Courtney and Terry for
Aras, and that they didn’t have time to alert Shane to the bargain they
struck to save Aras.

Shane bought their story. Regarding
Courtney’s elimination, Shane said in 1950’s lingo, “It couldn’t have
happened to a loopier broad.”

This week’s Reward Challenge was a
four-part obstacle course, combining elements of previous challenges.
One person was eliminated after each leg, and the eventual winner had
to decide which survivors would get to spend time with their loved
ones, who waited just out of sight.

During stage one,
contestants dug in the sand to find a bag, and Shane came in last
place. For stage two, everyone crawled through a tunnel carrying their
bag, and untied a wooden snake from atop a bar. Cirie was the next
person out of the running.

Danielle, Terry, and Aras carried
their bag and snake into a pit of water, where they untied a fish
suspended over the water. Danielle couldn’t get her knot untied,
leaving Terry and Aras to battle it out in the finals.

Carrying
all three items, Terry and Aras crawled and climbed through a series of
horizontal and vertical tunnels. As soon as Aras dropped his bag
halfway through, the race was Terry’s, to the surprise of nobody.

Terry
had to decide which two loved ones would accompany their survivors on
an overnight trip to a resort, whose loved one would spend the night at
camp, who would give their survivor a hug, and which loved one wouldn’t
get to share any love.

Naturally, Terry picked his wife, Trish
to join him at the resort, along with the sobbing Shane and his son.
Terry sent Cirie back to camp with her husband, H.B., and Aras got to
hug his mom, Theresa. During the hug, Aras asked Theresa to have five
dinners waiting for him when he got home.

As punishment for
breaking her recent pact with him to take Courtney to the final two,
Terry didn’t let Danielle hug her mom, Denise. As further punishment,
Danielle was then sent to Exile Island.

The refrigerator at the
resort was stocked with wine, beer, fruit, and ice cream, and there
were four hot pizzas waiting for the winners as well. Trish eagerly
talked strategy with Terry and Shane, who said about her, “what a
lovely woman, but unbelievably competitive.”

At camp, H.B.
marveled at how dirty camp life was, and how bad Cirie smelled. The
next morning, he was forced to take care of all of the chores so that
Cirie and Aras could “conserve their energy.” H.B. started to cringe
every time Cirie began a sentence with, “Honey Bunny…” knowing that
more labor was in store.

All of the family members were ferried
away and Terry and Shane returned to camp. When asked what it was like
to sleep in a real bed again, Terry said that he and Trish didn’t do
much sleeping, further proof that Terry has no idea how off-putting he
is.

But Terry wasn’t done irritating his tribemates. He launched
into his explanation of his method for doling out the reward, reasoning
that Danielle shouldn’t be too upset because “she’s 24, and it’s just
her mom.”

This angered Aras, who tried to explain that all of
them have been separated from their families for over 30 days and that
the visit was equally important to all. What came out was, “My mom is
my rock, just like Trish is your rock.” We can only hope that Aras and
his rock would’ve gotten more sleep than Terry did with his.

The
Immunity Challenge tested the survivors’ balance by perching them atop
tiny platforms 20 feet above the water. Using a bucket attached to a
rope, they hauled water to fill a small bamboo tube attached 10 feet
below the top of the platform. Water in the tube raised a flag, and the
first person to grab their flag won.

It took Shane most of the
challenge to figure out that the water was supposed to go in the tube,
and not down a hole in the middle of the platform on which he was
standing. Again, the race between rivals Terry and Aras came down to
the wire, but Terry still couldn’t be beat. I guess maybe it’s not
really a rivalry if the same party wins every time.

With the
hidden immunity idol in his back pocket, Terry has an automatic pass to
the final three, regardless of the next Immunity challenge. The only
incentive he has to even try winning that one is to prevent someone
else from getting immunity, if he doesn’t want to see that person in
the final three.

Shane and Terry talked at camp about getting
rid of Danielle, and both assumed that they would probably be in the
final two together. Terry felt confident that the members of Casaya
would appreciate the hard work he did about camp, and his success rate
in challenges, and give him the money over Shane.

In reality,
they would be far more likely to give crazy, annoying Shane the money
just to keep it out of Terry’s hands. But, as good as he is, Terry
hasn’t been able to grasp that the game is more social and political
than anything else. His voting record proves it: he’s has yet to cast a
vote for a single bootee since the merge.

Cirie and Aras assured
Shane that they were voting for Danielle, and then plotted with
Danielle to vote for Shane. In an interview, Cirie confessed that she
was concerned that Danielle could beat her in the final two, and that
ultimately she’d do what improved her chances the most.

At
Tribal Council, Jeff Probst asked contestants what considerations they
made regarding the final two. Aras wasn’t worried about losing so many
challenges to Terry because he knew he’d formed better relationships
with his tribemates, and that’s what gets you the million dollars.
Terry just rolled his eyes.

Shane admitted that he was being
carried along because he seemed the most beatable in the final two. He
hypothetically wondered if anyone would rather go against him or Aras
“the golden boy who could levitate home at any second.”

Shane’s
jaw dropped as three votes were cast against him, and he was asked to
leave the island. He taunted the remaining contestants on his way out,
assuring them that he’d have his hands on a chocolate ice cream bar in
less than one minute.

Next time, all of the attention is on Terry when Cirie stands up to him and Danielle makes a move to align with him.

Chris Young earned his Nashville Star victory by being consistently good — and, at times, great — throughout the competition. It’s too bad the show did him no favors in holding such a dull crowning ceremony.

As the show started, Cowboy Troy performed with Big & Rich, providing viewers with the 90-minute finale’s first snack break opportunity.

Then, the USA Network managed to further stall performances by the finalists, Chris, Casey Rivers, and Obvious Third Place Finisher, with long retrospectives of their past performances.

Casey Rivers brought his guitar onstage and sang “Your Cheatin’ Heart,” which was picked for him by show fans on USA’s website. Apparently, Casey’s core fanbase is still in high school, as he admitted he’s been invited to several proms over the course of the show.

Nicole (the lock for third place) reprised her best performance of the series, “Thing Called Love.” Anastasia urged her not to give up after the show and told Nicole to follow the road paved by Mary Chapin Carpenter and Sheryl Crow, who are apparently two of this nation’s most famous female construction workers.

Chris Young wore an unfortunately long jacket–it looked like a trenchcoat for an eight-year-old–perhaps to hide his nervousness. He should’ve been more confident, because he was the only contestant asked by fans to give a repeat performance of his original song for the finale.

The only amusing moment of the retrospectives was a quick shot of Anastasia’s naughty-Pocahontas outfit from last week.

Guest singer Jason Aldean then performed his song, “In a Hick Town,” which Jared Ashley performed earlier this season. Now I know why. Jared and Jason Aldean are virtually indistinguishable, right down to the hats and the height. All 10 of the contestants joined in the song, and I was surprised to find myself missing fourth place finisher Matt Mason.

In an attempt to heighten the suspense, Troy kicked off one of the three finalists. To no one’s surprise, it was Nicole Jamrose. Just to make the moment totally awkward, Wynonna asked Nicole, “Do you have any final words?” Then, after Nicole had said everything she wanted to say, the Wynobot asked again, “Do you have any final words?” Nicole killed Wynonna on the spot, and another Wynonna instantly appeared from the ether.

With 40 minutes still left in the show, Troy pretended like he was going to announce the winner. Wynonna told him it wasn’t time yet, because we still had plenty of musical performances to come.

Apparently I was clamoring for Chris and Casey to sing together, because that’s what I get. The lengthy finale backfired for USA, because I kept changing to the NBA Playoffs during each commercial, or whenever I got annoyed with the filler.

In an visual homage to the Police video for “Wrapped Around Your Finger,” hundreds of candles lit the stage for a performance by Phil Vassar. Phil played his new song, “The Phoenix Suns lead the Los Angeles Lakers by 10 points in the first quarter. (However, with a new investigation surrounding center Kwame Brown, the Lakers have a decided edge in accused sexual assaulters, 2-0.)”

Chris and Casey each performed solo again. They were probably good. The Lakers had closed the gap to seven points late in the first.

Finally, 83 minutes in, it’s decision time. Or, it would be if Wynonna would stop telling the entire cast and crew how much she loves them. Save it for the after-party, Kool-Aid. OH, YEAH! She tells Chris and Casey, “You put a pep back in my step.” Then she stalls a little more, telling the finalists she wants to torture them for a few more minutes. If she only knew how many others she was torturing at the same time.

Cowboy Troy finally opens the envelope and announces that Chris Young is the winner. But we’re all winners, really, because now I can get back to the game.

On this week’s Apprentice,
Tarek and Charmaine fought like idiot parents at a Little League game.
While their boardroom blowup was satisfying to watch, it ultimately did
neither of them any good, as both contestants were fired.

This
week provided one of the season’s most mundane tasks: managing the
grand opening of a Hair Cuttery franchise. This involved arranging hair
products on shelves, handing out flyers, and not much else.

Tammy,
Synergy’s Project Manager, decided to hand out flyers the night before
the opening, mostly as an excuse to have dinner alone with Sean. He
seemed optimistic about his future with Tammy: “I’m pretty certain
we’ll have lots and lots of babies once this is all finished.”

Tarek
and Lee didn’t make things easy for the Gold Rush PM, Charmaine. Lee
didn’t appreciate taking orders from a woman, and Tarek pushed
Charmaine’s buttons on whether they needed a grand opening theme other
than “Grand Opening.”

The morning of the opening, Charmaine sent
Lee and Tarek out to put flyers on cars just to get them out of her
hair. Then she relaxed and had one of the store’s stylists do her own
hair. Charmaine wasn’t even bothered that Viceroy Bill Rancic walked in
as she was getting her hair curled.

Allie earned the victory for
Synergy by aggressively selling hair products. But the team was
punished by having to write lyrics for a song with Burt Bacharach,
which sounds more like a task than a reward. The song opened with the
line, “When I’m thinkin’ tasty, I’m thinkin’ Chicken Naturals.”

Before
the boardroom, Lee tried to protect himself by encouraging his
teammates to turn on each other. But Tarek and Charmaine didn’t need
much incentive, since a fight between them has been brewing for weeks.

Charmaine
branded Tarek as unmanageable, and he retaliated by calling her a
whiner and a crybaby. Michael defended Charmaine’s attempts at
leadership. And, as hard as Trump and his viceroys tried, they couldn’t
get Lee to commit on which teammate he wanted to go home.

Lee’s
political strategy may keep him around for a few more weeks, but Trump
won’t like the idea of giving someone so shady even a semblance of
power in his organization.

Trump said that “maybe Mensa made a
mistake” about Tarek, but fired Charmaine because she should’ve found a
way to manage him. Then Trump fired Tarek for being unmanageable.
Compared to the silence of the losers’ cab shared by Tarek and
Charmaine, the noiseless vacuum of space sounds like a Flaming Lips
concert.

Next week, teams are split up into men versus women for
a task at Rutgers University, where Lee is mistakenly elected student
body president.

Stacy Named One of People’s Most Beautiful
People magazine’s annual Most Beautiful People issue hit newsstands today, and Stacy Keibler cracked this year’s top 100. Editor Jess Cagle told The Early Show that Stacy “probably has the best legs of anyone on the list.”

Dancing Pays Better Than Wrestling
Stacy was paid more for reaching the finals on DWTS than she earned as a professional wrestler in the WWE. While Drew’s said that celebrities deserve a lot more money for participating, dancing sure beats getting hit with a folding chair.

Will Harry Hamlin Dance in Season 3?
USA Today reported that Harry Hamlin is nervous about taking the floor for DWTS 3. But E’s Kristin Veitch pointed out in a recent chat that Harry won’t know the fate of his Veronica Mars character Aaron Echolls until the CW network decides if it will pick up that show for another season. Harry may not be able to compete and film Veronica at the same time.

Start Date for DWTS 3
In the same chat with Kristin, she said that Carrie Ann Inaba was still unsure when the new season would start filming. But Howard Stern reported last week when he disclosed the contract offer made to his girlfriend, Beth Ostrosky, that DWTS will return on September 13, with shows moving to Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Carrie Ann – Supermodel
On May 3, Virgin Megastores celebrates the expansion of its clothing department with a celebrity fashion show, including DWTS judge Carrie Ann. Unfortunately, the event at the Virgin Megastore in Hollywood is for press only.

Interview with Lisa Rinna
Lisa talks about the dance studio she plans to open with Louis van Amstel in this interview with People.

This week, Cirie caught her first fish after asking herself, “How hard could it
be?” Fishing’s easy: be patient, and be smarter than the fish. Cirie then applied the same logic to Survivor and, by the episode’s end, she had masterfully engineered Courtney’s ouster.

It
was obvious that Cirie was a good deal smarter than at least one of her
competitors. Shane spent the morning of day 28 pretending that a piece
of wood was a BlackBerry email device. Too bad his son never actually
received the “omg britneys mebbe prego agin! o rly? YA RLY! lol @ teh o
rly owl!” message Shane thought he was sending.

At the Reward
Challenge, castaways were split into two teams: Cirie, Aras, and Shane
vs. Terry, Danielle, and Courtney. Each individual was hooked to a
rope, which they followed into the water over and under a series of
obstacles. At the end, they each unhooked from the rope, retrieved a
bag from under the water, clipped back onto the rope, and navigated
their way back to the beach.

Halfway through the obstacle
portion, Cirie, Aras, and Shane became tangled in the rope, with no
chance of catching up. The winning team sent Aras to Exile Island, and
Cirie and Shane headed back to camp.

Terry, Danielle, and
Courtney were ready to enjoy their reward, a barbecue on a private
island, when Jeff Probst announced that they would immediately play a
second Reward Challenge. The first person to break three tiles using a
slingshot won a GMC Yukon. Of course, Terry won.

Upon reaching
the private island, the winners cruised around in Terry’s new SUV —
which he called “righteous” — before enjoying their feast. Terry
suggested to Courtney and Danielle that they team up, taking Cirie with
them to the final four and voting Aras out as soon as possible.

Courtney
agreed, but Danielle wasn’t so sure she wanted to make things so easy
for Terry. The odds of one of the women beating him in the final three
challenge would be slim. And after last week’s question-answer
challenge revealed that no one likes Courtney, she, and not Danielle,
would be Terry’s obvious choice for an opponent to take to the final
two.

Back at camp, Cirie decided to try her hand at fishing,
after her snail dinner crawled out of the cooking pot. The same woman
who said on day one that she was afraid of leaves cracked open a
snail’s shell, used it to bait a hook, and then landed the biggest fish
caught this season.

She did squeal in disgust the whole time,
and she held the fish at arms length yelling, “Is it dead yet?” and
“Somebody help me!” as she walked back to camp. But, once there, she
acted like the brave huntress she wanted the others to see her as.
Cirie and Shane waited to show her prize to the three reward winners
before eating the fish.

On the morning of the Immunity
Challenge, Danielle voiced her concerns to Terry about his final two
strategy. He said he’d agree to taking the second place finisher of the
last immunity challenge to the final vote if he won, provided she agree
to do the same. She did, and went to tell the other ladies of the new
deal.

They weren’t as thrilled as she was. Danielle explained to
Courtney that the strategy rewarded hard work, which Courtney
interpreted (correctly) to mean that she wasn’t considered a hard
worker or a tough competitor. And Cirie simply didn’t believe Terry
would honor the deal, not when he could easily beat Courtney in the
final vote. Plus, Cirie knew the new alliance would likely put her in
fourth place.

Strategy talk was put on hold for the Immunity
Challenge. Each contestant knelt on a plank suspended over water and
held onto two ropes that held the equivalent of 20% of their own body
weight. Every 15 minutes, 10% of their weight would be added to the
ropes. Once they let go of the ropes, they would fall into the water,
eliminating them from the challenge.

Shane had a poor grip on
his ropes, losing one and then the other before any additional weight
was added. Once 15 minutes elapsed and contestants had to hold up 30%
of their weight, Cirie took a dive, followed by Danielle and Aras.

Terry
and Courtney were evenly matched until 30 minutes elapsed and 10% more
weight was added, for a total of 40%. The weight began to pull Courtney
up off of her knees, and she lasted less than a minute before losing
her grip. Terry won again, saving his hidden Immunity Idol for another
day and forcing the original members of Casaya to vote out one of their
own.

Upon returning to camp, Cirie executed one of the smartest and most complex voting strategies ever used on Survivor: she successfully convinced the members of three alliances that she was with them solidly.

First, Cirie dealt with Courtney, consenting to vote with her, Danielle, and Terry to eliminate Aras.

Courtney
and Cirie then met with Aras and Shane, their original alliance, and
both agreed to vote for Danielle. Secretly, Courtney still planned to
vote for Aras. But unknown to anyone else (yet), Cirie had no
intentions of letting either Danielle or Aras go.

At this point,
Shane was sure that four votes would be cast for Danielle, while Terry
and Courtney believed that four votes would be cast for Aras.

Knowing
that Shane and Terry wanted Courtney as their opponent in the final
two, Cirie was determined that Courtney must go. Cirie pulled Aras and
Danielle aside and told them that the three of them needed to vote for
Courtney, since the other three votes were split between Danielle and
Aras.

Aras, Cirie’s ally from the beginning, agreed to the plan.
Mindful of Danielle’s skittish nature, Cirie convinced Danielle that
her only way to guarantee lasting another day was to vote for Courtney.
And Cirie emphasized that they could not tell anyone of their new plan,
especially Shane, unless they wanted him to lose his mind.

The
new alliance of three kept their game faces on, surprising Shane,
Terry, and especially Courtney at Tribal Council. By successfully
deceiving the members of two alliances, Cirie’s brilliantly engineered
scheme rivalled Rob Cesternino’s plan to boot Alex from Survivor: Amazon — to this point, the benchmark for Survivor strategy.

Next
week, Aras and Cirie try to smooth things over with Shane. But how
stressed can Cirie be, knowing she just made it a lot harder for Shane
or Terry to win, and a lot easier for herself?

BJ & Tyler crawled out of last place to hang on for one more week of The Amazing Race. But Fran & Barry fell behind in Australia and were eliminated.

Before
teams left the Pit Stop in Oman, the penniless Hippies begged rival
teams for money, threatening to use a future Yield on any team that
didn’t pay up. Fran & Barry and Ray & Yolanda each chipped in,
but Monica & Joseph felt insulted and only added a blank sheet of
paper to the pile of cash.

At least Eric & Jeremy had the courtesy to write a $100 IOU on their hotel stationery.

Fran
& Barry were first to leave at 5:35 p.m., nearly three hours ahead
of the last-place Hippies. The clue instructed teams to head to the
Muscat airport and fly to Perth, Australia. Only one flight left that
evening, so there was a good chance the Hippies wouldn’t make it.

The
four lead teams had there own troubles making the flight. They all got
stuck in a traffic jam, thanks to the King of Oman’s arrival in town.
By the time the Hippies hit the road, they weren’t in a rush anyway, so
they stopped to pick up a hitchhiker: a Bedouin named Abdul Hamid.

At
a gas station, their new buddy Abdul paid for gas, mango juice, and
candy bars for the Hippies. He touched foreheads and noses with Tyler,
in the Bedouin version of “good-bye.” Feeling left out, BJ asked, “Can
I get some Bedouin lovin’?” Abdul obliged, and the Hippies were on
their way.

The first four teams were seated on the plane and
celebrating the Hippies demise, when BJ & Tyler boarded the plane
just before takeoff. Fran & Barry and Ray & Yolanda were the
only teams to even acknowledge the boys. Joseph just muttered, “I hate
the Hippies.”

Teams arrived in Perth, where they waited
overnight for a 7:30 a.m. ferry from Fremantle to Rottnest Island. They
rode tandem bikes up to a lighthouse where they found a Detour clue,
directing them to a nearby beach.

The Frat Guys reached the
beach first, electing to do a Detour called “Sea.” They swam into the
ocean and searched 50 crayfish pots, some stocked and some not. Each
member returned to the beach with one crayfish, as the clue had
specified. The task was easy, and they laughed at the teams who had
chosen the other Detour.

“Sand” required teams to drag heavy
branches across the beach and pile them up. It was especially tiring
after a long bike ride, and worse because teams had to bike back into
town when finished. The Hippies, Fran & Barry, and Ray &
Yolanda all completed the task.

Monica & Joseph got lost on
their way the beach, and then misread their clue and collected only one
crayfish, total, before having to go back out in the water to fetch a
second. Joseph poetically said, “We are the kings of not reading the
clue right and stuff.”

Back in Fremantle, the Frat Guys caught
an early ferry that got them to their next destination, Fremantle
Prison, 45 minutes ahead of the other teams. This was good for Jeremy,
who spent almost an hour wandering around lost before he finished his
Roadblock.

One member of each team searched prison cells for a
Major Brand Name Sponsor’s flashlight with Major Brand Name Sponsor
batteries, and then found a hidden entrance to some underground tunnels
that contained the next clue. By the time the second team arrived,
Jeremy was still looking for the entrance to the tunnels.

When
he eventually found the tunnels, he was given a choice of spelunking
through a dry cave or canoeing through a flooded cave for clues. Jeremy
canoed the entire route without finding a clue. When he disembarked and
ran through the other cave, he found a clue almost immediately.

The
Frats and MoJo were just as stingy with accurate information as they
were with their money. Joseph wouldn’t tell Tyler if he was searching
the right prison cells for flashlights, and Jeremy recommended that
Joseph search the tunnels using a canoe.

The location of the Pit
Stop was only 1.5 miles away, and locals told Eric & Jeremy to walk
to it. After wandering for a while, they realized they should’ve hailed
a cab, but they couldn’t find one that was available. They arrived at
the Fremantle Sailing Club just as Monica & Joseph pulled up in a
cab.

Both teams sprinted to the finish mat, with the Frats
narrowly beating MoJo. Phil told Eric & Jeremy they’d won a trip to
Hong Kong for finishing in first place. Gracious loser Joseph punched
Jeremy in the arm.

Tyler and Yolanda held on to the spirit of
cooperation and worked together to find the entrance to the tunnels.
When Yolanda found her clue, she yelled, “I’m a badass bitch!” Fran was
last to the tunnels.

The last three teams all cabbed it to the
Pit Stop, with the Hippies arriving in third and Ray & Yolanda in
fourth. Fran & Barry arrived last and were told that it was an
elimination leg. They said they look forward to being one of those cute
old couples that walks around holding hands, but not for another 30
years or so.

Next week, teams wade into croc-infested waters, and the feud between MoJo and the Hippies intensifies.

Filler material dominated the second to last episode of Nashville Star
4, but all of the remaining contestants eventually performed. It was then announced that Nicole Jamrose had miraculously avoided elimination, even after her poor performance last week. Waylon Jennings wannabe Matt Mason took the fall instead.

In addition to the usual guest
performance that allows me time to prepare a snack (this week was Hank
Williams Jr.), Wynonna’s prettier, younger sister Ashley came by to
give Wy a sorry excuse for an award. In honor of the occasion, Wynonna
decided to wear her girdle on the outside of her clothes.

Wy’s
record label created a video montage of her, which Ashley introduced by
mentioning the “obnoxious” 40 million records Wy’s sold. When
presenting the award, a framed collection of photos of Wynonna, Ashley
said, “Here’s a wonderful collage do-hickey.” I’m sure it was the
touching moment the label had hoped for.

All of the contestants
returned home this past week to perform at charity events organized by
State Farm. It was a particularly special trip for Nicole, who
celebrated her appointment as Hospitality Ambassador for Lake County,
Indiana with a trip to the state’s finest eating establishment, Red
Lobster. It’s one of the few Indiana restaurants that require both
shoes and shirt for service, so you know it’s fancy.

Everyone
gave good performances, which they should if they’re the four best
singers. Casey lost points when he went for cheap votes and “gave the
glory to God” after performing one of God’s biggest hits, “How Great
Thou Art.” I’d like to know if God gets an equal share of the blame
when Casey has an off night.

Inexplicably, Scott Weiland and
Duff McKagan served as guest judges. Duff, who is Keanu Reeves’s blond
doppelganger, deserves props for actually watching the show – he told
Nicole her performance tonight was better than last week’s.

Scott
Weiland was largely unintelligible, uttering more, “ums” than a debate
class full of high school freshman. I’m pretty sure I saw his eyes
light up when Matt used the word “cocaine” in his song.

Nicole
was the first finalist announced, and the ensuing commercial break gave
everyone in the theater a chance to utter a collective “What the fuck?”
Chris was announced next, followed by Casey. Matt smiled the whole
time, sensing that the jig was up as soon as he heard Nicole was safe.
But if Wynonna and Anastasia have anything to say about it, this won’t
be the last we’ve heard from Matt Mason. Well, it’s probably the last
I’ll hear of him, since I only listen to country when this show is on.

For next week’s finale, Big & Rich return as guest judges. Apparently, the cast of Law & Order: SVU
was unavailable, since the show usually grasps for every TV network or
music label cross-promotion it can get. The guest performer is Cowboy
Troy, again because the cast of Law & Order: SVU was unavailable — except Ice T, but who wants to hear him? Go to the Nashville Star website to vote for your favorite singer and the song you’d like to hear him or her perform next week.

“I thought she was a star,” Donald Trump said several times about
Andrea. But the other women of Synergy verbally savaged Andrea in the boardroom, leaving Trump no choice but to fire her at the end of this
week’s Apprentice.

It
was amazing that Synergy lost, considering Charmaine’s determination to
see Gold Rush Project Manager Lee fail at almost any cost. But
Charmaine’s spitefulness proved no match for Andrea’s poor graphic
design skills and sourpuss attitude.

Teams were given the task
of creating a souvenir brochure to raise money for the Statue of
Liberty/Ellis Island Foundation. Ameriquest donated $10,000 to the
foundation as sponsor of this task, an amount equal to roughly half of
the weekly tab that company execs expense at Tavern on the Green for
corporate luncheons.

Synergy, led by Allie again, took the ferry
to Ellis Island to shoot photos and gather information for the
brochure. While trying to fend off Andrea’s irrelevant questions, Tammy
left her research notebook at the information desk. She and Allie
hopped off the ferry to retrieve the book. When they returned to the
dock, the ferry was already headed back to Manhattan, leaving them
stranded for a couple hours.

This opened the door for Andrea to
really screw things up. She’d convinced Allie that she was a “graphics
expert,” and thus wasted two hours directing a professional graphic
designer to create an ugly brochure. Allie and Tammy made it to the
office to discover that they essentially needed to start from scratch.

Graceful
in the face of criticism, Andrea told Allie, “Just get it done. It’ll
be perfect. It’ll be great,” and walked out of the room.

Surprisingly,
after five consecutive butt-kickings, Gold Rush had no such problems.
Tarek and Michael created a spiffy brochure, and Lee and Charmaine
called area hotels, reasoning that if they could get one outfit to buy
brochures in bulk, it would be hard to lose.

Energized by their
impressive brochure, Gold Rush staked out the sales location early —
the ferry terminal at Battery Park. The captive audience eagerly bought
the brochure on their way to Ellis Island. And, later in the day, one
of the hotels called Charmaine back and purchased 100 brochures.

Late
sleepers Synergy arrived at Battery Park to find that most of the ferry
passengers had already purchased from Gold Rush, and those that hadn’t
weren’t interested in their inferior, more expensive product. The team
decided to try their luck selling on Ellis Island. Their luck remained
bad.

After turning off customers with her whimpering sales
pitch, Andrea told Allie that her skills would be better used trying to
make bulk sales. “I actually make several million dollars each year in
bulk sales,” she said. When Allie’s head stopped spinning, she told
Andrea that she should’ve brought that up yesterday, instead of an hour
before the task deadline.

Gold Rush triumphed, raising $1550 to
Synergy’s $840. Their reward was a round of golf with super-pro Vijay
Singh, who was disappointed that he couldn’t personally fire any of
them.

In a planning session before the boardroom, Allie,
Roxanne, and Tammy tried to persuade Sean to join them in pinning the
failure solely on Andrea. The producers told Andrea to go eavesdrop —
er, I mean, Andrea happened to overhear the conversation. She then
wandered around muttering, “Those bitches lied about me,” until Sean
reassured her that at least he wouldn’t sell her out.

Allie was
undeterred in her quest, promising a slaughter in the boardroom: “There
will be blood on the walls. There will be f***ing blood everywhere!”
And Trump will bottle and market it to vampires as “Trumpsfusion.”

The
Synergy girls maintained their united front in front of Trump,
portraying Andrea as counterproductive, hard to work with, and a lousy
salesperson. Trump’s viceroys, daughter Ivanka and son Donald Jr.,
joined the fray, criticizing Andrea for not mentioning her bulk sales
experience when it would’ve made a difference.

Trump said that,
as of a few weeks ago, he never would have considered getting rid of
Andrea this soon. But, after what he’d heard in the boardroom, he fired
Andrea for wrecking her team’s chemistry. He congratulated his viceroys
by telling them, “Good job, kids.”

Andrea proved that she wasn’t
a totally unfeeling witch in the cab ride. Through tears and sniffles,
she said, “I guess there’s a reason why I work by myself.” If only she
would’ve shown some emotions earlier, it might have been Allie in the
cab instead.

Next week, Sean adds Tammy to his harem.

Drew Hosts Miss USA (Tonight!)
Tonight, Drew Lachey co-hosts the Miss USA Pageant with Nancy O’Dell. The show airs at 9/8 central on NBC. When asked by People magazine if daughter Isabella might be a future Miss USA, Drew replied, “She can do whatever she wants to do in life, as long as it doesn’t require a pole!”

Jam With Cheryl in Las Vegas
Cheryl Burke will be one of many celebrities at this year’s Tiger Jam in Las Vegas. The event benefits The Tiger Woods Foundation, as well as numerous other charities. Information on purchasing tickets for the event, including a concert by Sting, is available at the Tiger Jam website.

Stern’s Girlfriend on Season 3?
On Howard Stern’s Tuesday morning radio program, he revealed details of an offer made to his girlfriend, model Beth Ostrosky, to appear on DWTS 3. According to Stern, the base pay for celebrities is $125,000, with the potential to earn $245,000 if they reach the finale. Drew Lachey reacted to the news by calling the low salary, relative to ratings, “ridiculous.”

Mother’s Day with the Stars
If you’ve got $600 to spend on Mom this year, Santa Monica hotels Shutters on the Beach and Casa del Mar promise to Sweep Her Off Her Feet. A special Mother’s Day weekend package of spa treatments and ballroom lessons includes a special session with John O’Hurley and Giselle Fernandez on Friday, May 12.