Throughout this season of Dancing with the Stars, our new contributing writer, Carole Pinhey, will add color commentary to our usual play-by-play. This week, Carole weighs in on… this week.

After last week’s marks, I was optimistic that the DwtS judges were finally going to use the scoring system the way it was designed. Their individual scores varied from a low of 4 to a high of 8, and their combined scores ranged from 13 to 24. However, tonight the scoring once again clustered around 7s and 8s, and the totals fluctuated between 18 and 27. While the judges were spot-on with most of their comments, their scoring did not appropriately reflect their verbal appraisals. Their overly generous marks made the performances appear to be much closer in quality than they actually were.

Here’s my two cents’ worth on this week’s Performance Show (before the elimination was announced).

Leaders of the Pack

Laila & Maks
Wow! Double wow! Maks-nificent! Laila & Maks certainly brought their "A" game tonight. Their Mambo was hot, hot, hot — no Tabasco required! Clearly the best dance of the evening.

My only concern is that their interview and behind-the-scenes footage still comes across as somewhat entitled, if not arrogant. Laila seems more personable and conveys a better image than does Maks, unfortunately. This couple would fare better if Maks left the PR to his partner. Laila presents just the right balance of confidence, enjoyment and commitment that is more likely to draw in the votes.

Joey & Kym
What a dynamic couple. Their Quickstep was fast, energetic and entertaining. Joey is a true showman. I think that this pair is going to give Laila & Maks a run for their money. Kym’s choreography conveys a mischievous streak that I find mesmerizing.

I actually thought that the judges should have awarded them higher marks (not as high as Laila & Maks, but higher than Apolo & Julianna). I appreciate Joey’s comic relief in their behind-the-scenes clips. He exhibits just the right amount of irreverence that I find both amusing and engaging.

Apolo & Julianne
Way to step it up! I did not expect this pair to be quite so good — especially so early in the competition. Their routine was fresh, exuberant and totally captivating. Apolo did a fantastic job given his limited training time.

This couple may prove to be the dark horse of the field if they continue to perform as they did tonight. Their youth, enthusiasm and playful natures come across positively, both on the dance floor and in their behind-the-scenes interviews. I just hope that ABC doesn’t spoil their natural rapport by concocting another showmance between this pair.

Ian & Cheryl
Another solid performance. Their Quickstep had good unison, crisp footwork, and undeniable entertainment value. I felt that Ian’s behind-the-scenes segment — reminiscing about his mother and bringing his dad to the practice set — smacked a little too much of manipulating viewers’ feelings, similar to the way Mario used his baby niece to tug our heartstrings.

Ian seems more sincere than Mario, but I still had the impression that I was being played. Ian appears to have enough skill and natural musicality that such tactics are totally unnecessary.

Still Contenders (at Least for Now)

Heather & Jonathan
Good show — again! I was almost as speechless as Carrie Ann. Heather & Jonathan certainly performed way beyond my expectations. Heather’s shoulder shaking and hip wiggling were first-rate (better than several of her competitors). She’s one celebrity who successfully connected with her "inner Latina."

This couple is emerging as a PR dream team. I can almost foresee a Jerry Springer-like public opinion transformation for the ex-Mrs. Paul McCartney. If Heather continues to project a humble image, then I predict she will stay around for longer than many of us anticipated. I was also very impressed by the sincerity of Jonathan’s praise for his challenging student.

John & Edyta
Another entertaining performance from the oldest buffalo in the herd. John looks very comfortable on the dance floor and is surprisingly light-footed. He sincerely appears to enjoy dancing and performing. His competent acting skills combined with his natural musicality and charming personality lead me to predict that John will be around for quite some time. As far as natural ability goes, I think that John is the most talented senior that DwtS has had to date — even better than John O’Hurley!

Clyde & Elena
An A-okay effort from the basketball legend. The height disparity of this couple is an almost impossible challenge to overcome. Fortunately Clyde has a real crowd-pleasing personality that will go a long way towards helping him stay in the competition. He is another light-footed competitor with a healthy amount of natural rhythm. If his fanbase is as strong as rumour claims, then Clyde the Glide will be around for a little while longer. Perhaps Samantha should requisition a stepstool for her backstage interviews with this gentle giant!

Paulina & Alec
Good effort, but not up to last week’s standard. The height disparity between this pair was much more obvious in this week’s performance. Paulina seemed a bit "stiff and starchy," as Len put it. I found their routine rather disjointed, with an obvious stop partway through. Paulina evaluated her performance quite well when she claimed that she (unlike Heather) had trouble locating her "inner Latina." However, Paulina remains very charming in her behind-the-scenes clips, and that attractive quality could keep her in the running for a few more weeks. (Editor’s note: I thought so, too! But apparently it was not meant to be.)

Out of the Running

Karina & Billy Ray
Better, but not good enough. Billy Ray may be the most improved dancer, as Carrie Ann claimed, but he also had the furthest to go. I still think that the rest of the field leaves him in the dust. Billy Ray’s routine was somewhat sluggish, and there is absolutely zero chemistry between him and Karina. He just doesn’t exhibit the same drive that many of the other celebrities exude.

Shandi & Brian
Nothing special in this pair’s performance. Shandi’s Mambo was stiff and seriously lacking in hip action. Once again this self-professed "All American" couple came across as too entitled and too full of themselves. Their behind-the-scenes clips are annoying and have a tendency to alienate viewers rather than attract them. I found their routine boring, and I anticipate that this couple will be in the bottom two.

Leeza & Tony
Better than last week, but still a disappointing performance. Leeza just doesn’t appear to feel the music. A serious disconnect exists between her facial expressions and her body movements. While Leeza was a little more relaxed in this week’s Mambo, she still looked stiff and uncomfortable. Her hip action was not nearly as fluid as Laila’s or Heather’s.

I love Leeza’s positive attitude, and she is Fabulous at Fifty, but the judges were overly generous in awarding her decent marks for this evening’s routine. I fear this pair’s days are numbered. At least Leeza has a genuine appreciation for being able to participate in DwtS , and I find her attitude quite endearing. I’ll be sad to see her go (whenever that is), but there are more deserving couples in the competition.

Still Immortal, Just Demoted To Basic Cable
Hercules is back, and he’s just where you’d expect to find a son of Zeus: The Hallmark Channel. Kevin Sorbo plays the strongest priest in the world in Avenging Angel.

I Would’ve Preferred Piper Laurie
According to TV Guide‘s Michael Ausiello, Piper Perabo will be appearing as a love interest on Fox’s House. Hopefully, that won’t interfere with any potential commitments she might have to Cheaper By The Dozen 3.

Smelling Like A Melrose
For those who prefer that their TV show titles be puns based on character names, Heather Locklear has taken on the title role in ABC’s See Jayne Run, where she plays an investment banker who has sex with various 1980s rock stars, or something to that effect.

Real Hookers Make More Money And Don’t Get Caged
One of my daily must-reads, Whitney Matheson’s Pop Candy, has a new podcast in which Matheson interviews a professional background actor: the anonymous people who stand around at concerts, sit in classrooms, or play "hooker in a cage" on your favorite show, while the principal actors do their thing in the foreground. The interview begins about six minutes into the podcast.

There were some real surprises in tonight’s second performance show. Fortunately, all of the surprises were good.

Quick Note: Tuesday night’s show is in two parts. The first hour (at 8:00 Eastern), will just be a recap of the dances so far. The official Results Show doesn’t begin until an hour later.

As you read, just assume that the crowd booed anytime the judges awarded anything below an 8. Why ABC still insists on encouraging the audience to do this — and yes, it is at ABC’s insistence — is beyond me. It’s dumb. Not everyone deserves straight 10s. Especially not during Week 2.

Apolo Anton Ohno & Julianne Hough — Quickstep
Julianne described her relationship with Apolo as that of a brother and sister, which she exploited by making fun of his lack of upper body strength. As she screamed commands at him during practice, Apolo said, "I honestly feel like I’m being tortured."

Their performance was all smiles and pep — just what you’d expect from the youngest couple in the competition. The Quickstep also suited Apolo’s fleet feet. Julianne looked especially pleased after their nonstop routine.

Len Goodman told the couple, "You’re gonna stay for weeks and weeks." Bruno Tonioli had no shortage of adjectives to describe the performance: fresh, uplifting, cool, young, and exciting. Carrie Ann Inaba told Apolo, "You are the surprise of the season to me. You’ve had the least amount of training. "

Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…8, Len…9, Bruno…9 = 26/30.
Total for both weeks = 47/60.

Shandi Finnessey & Brian Fortuna — Mambo
Shandi had some trouble getting comfortable with the overt sexiness of the Mambo: "It’s hard for me to be like, ‘Hello, strange man I’ve only known for three weeks. Let me rub up all over you." I can’t say I blame her. Brian has an eerie Jim Breuer-esque quality about him, and the way he ogled Shandi in her bikini top and miniskirt didn’t help.

During their performance, they seemed fixed to a small portion of the dance floor. Shandi struggled to compensate for being taller than Brian, and they had some trouble executing some of their hand holds. With a few more weeks of training, and possibly a different partner, Shandi might stand a chance. But she should be very concerned about tomorrow night’s elimination.

Carrie Ann was blunt with Shandi: "I think you look beautiful, but I didn’t think there was anything special about it." Len said, "In coping with the [difficult] choreography, you forgot to come out and really sell it." Bruno recommended that Shandi "forget about Barbie and turn into a Brat."

Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…6, Len…7, Bruno…7 = 20/30.
Total for both weeks = 39/60.

Clyde Drexler & Elena Grinenko — Quickstep
To give Elena a better idea of what kind of footwork he was capable of, Clyde took her to a basketball court. When she tried to dribble a ball, Elena showed exactly why she went into ballroom dancing, and not the WNBA.

Even though the concentration was still apparent on Clyde’s face the entire time, this performance was much better. Their routine was fast and fun, and in the closed hold of the Quickstep, Clyde & Elena moved like a real couple.

Bruno told Clyde, "You really moved tonight so much better." Carrie Ann complimented their "great use of space" and called Clyde a "crowd pleaser." Len joked that the comparatively diminutive Elena should always stand on the stage’s top two steps and the couple should "just dance up and down the stage."

Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…6, Len…6, Bruno…6 = 18/30 (earning loud boos from the crowd).
Total for both weeks = 34/60.

Leeza Gibbons & Tony Dovolani — Mambo
At Leeza’s 50th birthday party, she and Tony practiced this week’s dance in front of her family and friends. She enthused, "I love the mambo! I love the hips!"

Leeza took the judges’ advice from last week to heart, and she looked much more relaxed, embracing the bawdiness of the dance and just having a good time. It wasn’t the best Mambo of the night, but it was certainly enjoyable to watch. And the routine had plenty of Tony’s signature shimmies, which are always entertaining. Audience member Robbie Williams (cast member for DwtS 5, please!) applauded politely after the routine.

Len joked, "I just hope I look like you when I’m 50." Bruno told Leeza, "You did a proper Mambo, but like a debutante on a first date. Forget that. You should be a tramp. Let the tramp out." Carrie Ann wished Leeza a happy birthday and said, "I love watching people laugh while they’re dancing."

Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…7, Len…7, Bruno…7 = 21/30.
Total for both weeks = 36/60.

Ian Ziering & Cheryl Burke — Quickstep
Ian’s dad came to watch one of the couple’s practice sessions. He was very impressed with Cheryl: "She is so light on her feet." Ian asked his dad, "What about me?" His dad looked down and said nothing, which cracked Ian up.

It was another super performance by Ian. His hard work is paying off, and it seemed like he really internalized the routine. There was lots of speed, with cool kicks and slides. And as a bonus, Cheryl wore an uncharacteristically revealing outfit. Audience member Brian Austin Green approved.

Carrie Ann told Ian, "You still have so much more potential. I’m just dying to see you open it up and pour it all out on the dance floor." Len noticed a few problems with Ian’s execution: "Your right elbow keeps dropping, and I can see Cheryl keeps pulling it up. It was a little bit skippy and hoppy, but it was a very good performance." Bruno mentioned the same problems that Len did, and was quickly drowned out by boos. The audience must not have realized that, when the judges criticize something minor — like a saggy elbow — this early in the show, it’s because they expect the celebrity to be around until the end. Remember Drew’s droopy shoulders?

Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…7, Len…8, Bruno…7 = 22/30 (more boos from the crowd).
Total for both weeks = 43/60.

Paulina Porizkova & Alec Mazo — Mambo
The Mambo is not Paulina’s forte. She was terrified as they trained for the big "Death Drop" move at the end of the routine. "The funny thing is," said Paulina, "I know Alec will not drop me." Then, in a separate interview, Alec said, "I have dropped people. Yes."

While she never found her "inner Latina," Paulina promised to channel her "inner American tourist visiting Havana the first time, and go out there and Mambo as hard as a Czech girl can."

Their cute routine had a lot of variety, giving Paulina plenty of opportunities to succeed. She’s got great speed, gorgeous extension, and she even survived the Drop.

Bruno said, "Sometimes you lost your way to Havana, but you got down to Puerto Rico maybe. Overall, it was quite good." Carrie Ann told Paulina, "You gave it your best, and you were looking pretty sexy." Len said, "It was a bit sort of stiff and starchy. It wasn’t raunchy." When the crowd booed yet again, Len retorted, "It’s all right for you to boo. I’m just telling you what happened."

Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…7, Len…7, Bruno…7 = 21/30.
Total for both weeks = 40/60.

Billy Ray Cyrus & Karina Smirnoff — Quickstep
Billy Ray was depressed after last week’s low-scoring routine, and the Quickstep wasn’t doing anything to boost his confidence: "There’s some stuff in the Quickstep that just don’t feel right. It’s almost like going against the laws of nature, a little bit." But he did perk up when he started imitating Karina’s teaching style, shouting in mock anger, "Concentrate! Have fun with it!"

This was a different Billy Ray from last week. He moved with confidence and appeared to have really internalized the routine. The performance ended Karina and him dancing side-by-side in separation, and this is where things got a little dodgy. Billy Ray performs much better when he’s holding Karina than when he’s left to his own devices.  Afterward, the couple received a loud ovation.

The judges were as surprised as the audience by Billy Ray’s improvement. Len said colorfully, "You came out like the Wild Man of Wongo doing the Okeefenokee two-step. Suddenly you sort of took a musical Valium. You calmed down, and the rest of it was perfectly ordinary and very, very good." Bruno had trouble with the "Michael Flatley impersonation at the end" of the routine. But Carrie Ann told Billy, "You looked like a proper ballroom dancer."

Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…7, Len…7, Bruno…7 = 21/30.
Total for both weeks = 34/60.

Heather Mills & Jonathan Roberts — Mambo
After executing last week’s routine without a hitch, this couple has switched their focus during training. Jonathan said, "Heather and I are not even thinking about her leg. We’re just working on her dancing well to win this competition." And Heather was eager to try a fun dance that she felt was more reflective of her personality.

Seconds into the routine, Jonathan flipped Heather into a back walkover! The routine had lots of energy and was executed extremely well. More than most of the other female celebrities, Heather seemed to embrace the spirit of the Mambo, letting go and just having fun.

Carrie Ann stammered, "What in the world? You did a back walkover! The level of difficulty in that routine was far higher than anybody else’s routine tonight." Len said, "It was much better than your Fox Trot last week. It was absolutely great." Bruno told Heather, "You were at warp drive tonight. Red Hot Heather."

Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…8, Len…8, Bruno…8 = 24/30.
Total for both weeks = 42/60.

John Ratzenberger & Edyta Sliwinska — Quickstep
In order to take advantage of John’s training in Karate, Edyta worked a few kicks into their routine. She promised, "Our Quickstep is gonna kick butt," and raised her hands in a fighting gesture, shouting, "Cha!"

Understandably, their Quickstep wasn’t quite as quick as the rest. But they kept moving the entire time and didn’t cheat with any long pauses. And John looked like he was having effortless fun — which may be the real proof of what a good actor he is.

Bruno told John, "There is plenty of life in the old wolf." Carrie Ann said, "In the beginning, you kind of got off to a slow start…but by the end, you guys pulled it all together and gave us pizzazz." Len reminded John, "This is just another performance. Instead of learning your lines, you learn the steps. You just come out and get on with it."

Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…7, Len…7, Bruno…7 = 21/30.
Total for both weeks = 38/60.

Laila Ali & Maksim Chmerkovskiy — Mambo
Maks felt that, since Laila is in such great shape, perhaps he should hit the gym and bulk up a little himself. As his weightlifting coach, Laila tutned the tables on Maks and made him pay: "Who told you to stop? Can’t you bring it up a little faster? One more…never mind, two more." I’m okay with gratuitous footage of Maks working out every week.

With such a naturally talented partner, Maks gets to choreograph the routine he wants, rather than figuring out how to work around shortcomings. And if that’s not the case, he’s doing an impressive job making it look that way. Their routine was the most relaxed and fun of the evening, and Laila is a real star. She’s not just the most dangerous woman in the competition, she’s probably the most dangerous competitor period.

Len said the performance was "the best Mambo we’ve seen tonight." Bruno called Laila, "The mistress of the art of seduction." Carrie Ann was effusive in her praise for Laila, "That was hot! Sexy! The way you move is so great."

During their interview with Samantha backstage, when she asked how Maks’ arms were feeling after his workout, he said he was ready for more. But Samantha said, "He’s just toughing it up for you guys at home. He was crying earlier." As the studio audience and his fellow dancers laughed, Maks stated, "It’s all about the end result," and flexed his bicep.

Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…9, Len…9, Bruno…9 = 27/30.
Total for both weeks = 50/60.

Joey Fatone & Kym Johnson — Quickstep
Joey’s DwtS philosophy: "We have a job to do, in a sense. But have fun with it."

That philosphy influenced their performance, as Joey opened the routine with some goofy dance moves before jumping into their Quickstep. Even Joey’s classy tuxedo tails were adorned with a his initials — in rhinestones. The meat of their routine was more straightforward than the beginning, as Joey & Kym allowed their speedy, challenging footwork to express their fun-loving natures.

Carrie Ann told Joey, "When you come to the floor, I’m gonna expect you to give us the complete package. And you do. You did it again tonight." Len said the routine was "light, bright, and fast-moving."
Bruno told Joey, "You’re a great performer, and you sold it. Just drop the ‘George Michael’ [moves at the beginning]."

Judges’ Scores: Carrie Ann…8, Len…8, Bruno…8 = 24/30.
Total for both weeks = 48/60.

Leaderboard:
50 — Laila & Maks
48 — Joey & Kym
47 — Apolo & Julianne
43 — Ian & Cheryl
42 — Heather & Jonathan
40 — Paulina & Alec
39 — Shandi & Brian
38 — John & Edyta
36 — Leeza & Tony
34 — Clyde & Elena, Billy Ray & Karina

My vote went to Laila & Maks. Their wonderful Mambo earned the night’s highest marks for a reason. I was in no way influenced by Maks’s biceps.

The couples in the most danger for Tuesday night’s elimination aren’t necessarily the ones at the bottom of the leaderboard. Billy Ray’s improved performance should buy him another week, and Leeza may get some votes just because it was her birthday. Clyde and Shandi gave acceptable but mostly forgettable performances early in the program. As the evening progressed and stronger performers danced, they might have gotten lost in the shuffle.

Customers aren’t keen on buying things from roller skating women wearing Kevlar vests. Go figure.

Trump kicked off the latest episode of The Apprentice by forcing one of the members of Arrow Corp. to join the women of Kinetic. When no one volunteered, Trump told Project Manager James to choose someone. Quickly.

James explained that, because of whatever talents Stefani and Frank purportedly possess, they were indespensible. That left the love birds, Tim and Nicole, and James picked Nicole to join Kinetic’s coven.

There was much eye rolling from his fellow team members — as in, "How can you separate them? They’re in love!" Yet no one objected aloud or volunteered to take Nicole’s place. Not even Tim.

The reorganized teams met with Trump and Ivanka to received their task. At Universal Studios, teams would be responsible for using a new, mobile sales technology (basically a wireless credit card reader) to peddle discounted season passes to patrons as they entered the theme park.

Upon arriving at Universal, Nicole adopted a "take no prisoners" mentality and vowed to crush Tim and her former teammates. She (correctly) predicted that Arrow would erect a large tent with flashy signage in order to attract customers, and she set about crafting a plan to undermine their efforts.

Nicole’s winning sales strategy? Roller skates. The skates would allow the the girls to be more mobile than tent-bound Arrow, and who wouldn’t want to buy passes from four hot babes on wheels?

Apparently, a lot of people.

The babe effect was substantially lessened by the bulky vests that supported the portable digital display/credit card machine. The bulky, bulletproof flotation devices didn’t pair well with the retro black roller skates.

Arrow’s tent gave them an air of legitimacy, which they used to undermine their competition. They offered free bottles of water to their customers, and James even broadcast over a bullhorn that the women on roller skates were charging more for the passes (which, as far as I could tell, they weren’t).

Arrow was able to sell $30,000 worth of passes, beating Kinetic by more than $7,000. That makes me wonder: who the hell are these people buying these freaking expensive annual passes? I like the Jurassic Park boats and Mummy coaster as much as the next reality show recapper, but how many times a year do you want to see the Waterworld show or break your neck on that Back to the Future ride?

Back at the mansion, Tim learned the hard way what a bad idea it is to get romantically involved with another Apprentice candidate. As Frank and all of the women of Kinetic listened on, Nicole confronted Tim through the hedge that separates the pool area from the tent compound.

Nicole said, "I didn’t think you and Frank would’ve let me go."

Tim responded, "You wanted us to say something?"

As the Kinetic gals tried to explain that Nicole had just wanted Tim to speak up in her defense when James suggested her, Tim countered with some reasoning that, by not saying anything, he was really doing what Nicky would’ve wanted: displaying loyalty to the team.

The conversation didn’t last very long, once Nicole realized that Tim’s loyalty was not to her. But Tim still couldn’t reconcile why she’d be upset by that, and he didn’t make the connection that, as a member of the losing team, Nicole was in serious danger of being fired.

In the Boardroom the next day, Project Manager Angela did go after Nicole for her roller skate idea. But everyone else on the team blamed Angela for not considering anything beyond the roller skates.

Trump, who’s been impressed with Angela’s Olympic medals all season, tended to agree with the majority. Reluctantly, he fired Angela. She was sad not to have won, but said she probably learned more through the experience of losing. It figures that a high-level athlete would understand how to put losing in perspective.

Next week, one of the teams screws up big time. Even bigger than usual, apparently.

You Will O-bey
On Wednesday, Oprah is scheduled to announce the next title for her book club. And since nobody knows how I should live my life better than Oprah, I solemnly swear to buy it, put it on the bookshelf, and pretend to have read it.

Sending Out An SOS
E! Online’s Kristin Veitch has begun her Save One Show campaign, where she helps readers in their efforts to save a single show from cancellation. Even if you have no plans to join the cause, the article has some good info on which shows are safe for next season, and which ones are on the bubble.

Botorious
Mere weeks after giving birth, Tori Spelling is already planning to make herself unrecognizable to her child. According to the National Enquirer (who would never lie), Tori and her husband, Dean McDermott, are ready to enjoy regular botox sessions. And Tori’s got some other augmentations scheduled, too. Joe E. Tata must be rolling over in his deep fryer.

A Lot To Live Up To
Sadly, the time came this past Friday for Tara Conner to pass the Miss USA crown to a new queen, Tennessee’s Rachel Renee Smith. Miss Smith’s drunken/topless/drugged out/simulated sex photos should be online somewhere by the time I post this.

Congratulations. You’re The Ones That A Consistently Dwindling Viewing Audience Wanted
The winners of the Grease casting show, You’re the One That I Want, were revealed on Sunday’s finale. If you’re a fan of the show, you probably know that already. And if you’re not, you probably don’t care. Forget I ever wrote this.

If you’ve ever considered applying to be on The Amazing Race, this episode might make you reconsider — unless spending several consecutive days in African airports is your idea of a good time.

Teams left the Pit Stop late at night and were forced to wait until 5 a.m. for the ticket counter to open at the Maputo, Mozambique, airport. There was only one direct flight that day from Maputo to Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania — the racers’ next destination — and that flight was full.

While all of the other teams elected to wait on standby for the 8:30 a.m. flight, Charla & Mirna took a risk and caught a flight to Johannesburg, South Africa, in the hopes that they might be able to get a connection at that (larger) airport.

With the help of an airport employee named Cristo — who was gracious enough to kneel down and look Charla in the eye when answering her questions — the cousins were able to board a 9:55 a.m. flight to Dar Es Salaam.

Meanwhile, none of the teams was able to board the direct flight out of Maputo. They were told to try to get tickets for an 11:45 a.m. flight from Maputo to Johannesburg on South African Airlines, which connected with an Air Tanzania flight from Johannesburg to Dar Es Salaam. Unfortunately, the connecting flight was fully booked, so teams would again risk going standby.

The SAA ticket counter didn’t open until 9:45, and Joe & Bill and Teri & Ian dutifully lined up to wait for it. But the other teams creeped upstairs to the SAA office, where they were able to convince an employee to sell them the tickets to Johannesburg and place them first on the standby list for the flight to Dar Es Salaam. (Who knew Dar Es Salaam was such a popular place?)

All of the teams made it to Johannesburg successfully, but only the four teams that booked their tickets at the upstairs SAA office were cleared to board the 1:15 p.m. flight to Dar Es Salaam. The four teams boarded the plane, and Joe & Bill and Teri & Ian were left to curse their rotten luck.

But just then, luck took a turn in their favor. Eric & Danielle had mistakenly been given someone else’s seats, and they were removed from the plane. As Dani cried, an airline employee assured them that the best he could do was put them on the standby for the SAA flight to Dar Es Salaam at 9:55 the following morning — a full day behind Charla & Mirna.

The employee also made the same offer to the Guidos and Teri & Ian.

At 2:52 p.m., Charla & Mirna’s flight arrived in Tanzania. There they took a taxi to the ferry terminal, where they took a number for the first boat to Zanzibar. The trip would take several hours in a traditional open-air dhow, and, due to an impending storm, the launch was postponed until 5:30 a.m. the next morning.

The Air Tanzania flight with Ozzy & Danny, Dustin & Kandice, and Uchenna & Joyce landed at 6:30 p.m. Ozzy & Danny got seats on the 5:30 a.m. boat with Charla & Mirna. The second boat, carrying Uchenna & Joyce and the Beauty Queens, would leave three hours later, at 8:30 a.m.

Early the next morning, as the lead teams set off on their sea voyage, Mirna mused, "It’s like the ancient time." In keeping with the ancient ways, Ozzy quipped, "We’re gonna trade you for food now."

Mirna, not getting the joke, flatly said, "Okay," before pausing and asking, "Can I have some of the food?"

When the second boat launched, later that morning, Uchenna also mused about ancient traditions. He told his blonde competitors, "500 years ago, they took the slaves this very same path, ladies. Now it’s your turn!"

While Uchenna, Ozzy, and Danny were contemplating how to use their female companions as barter items, the last three teams were still trying to get out of Johannesburg. Because of their traumatic removal from the plane the day before, Eric & Danielle were give the only two available seats on the 9:55 flight.

Luckily, the Guidos and Teri & Ian were able to get seats on an Air Malawi flight to Dar Es Salaam at noon. As they boarded the plane, Bill exclaimed, "I’ve never been so happy to leave a country in my life!"

Back on Zanzibar, the lead teams found a clue giving them their choice of Detour: Solve It or Schlep It. In Solve It, teams walked to a nearby hotel to complete a 62-piece puzzle.

For Schlep It, teams walked one mile to a lumber yard, where they loaded two 50-pound logs onto a cart. Then they pushed the cart to a shipyard one mile away.

Both the cousins and the Cha Cha Chas chose Solve It, and they completed their puzzles relatively quickly, with the Chas just a few minutes in front of Charla & Mirna. Their clue sent them 15-miles to the Maasai village of Kikungwi. Ozzy & Danny squandered the small lead they had, when they at a roadside stand to buy fruit.

At Kikungwi, teams found a Roadblock. The task required one team member to learn how to properly throw a rungu: a stick with a knobby end used for hunting. Once the chosen member destroyed a clay target with the rungu, the team would receive its next clue.

Mirna broke her target first, and she celebrated with a cartwheel and much screaming. The clue sent them to the next Pit Stop, at the Old Fort in Stone Town.

When they arrived in first place for the second time in a row, Phil Keoghan told Charla & Mirna that they had each won a catamaran. In unison, the cousins asked, "Huh? What is that?" When Phil explained that it was a sailboat, there was, again, more screaming.

When the second boat arrived on Tanzania, the teams split up. Uchenna & Joyce had a much easier time with the puzzle, and made it through the Roadblock, to the Pit Stop, and even served their 30-minute penalty from the previous leg without seeing the Beauty Queens.

Dustin & Kandice chose Schlep It, and kept telling themselves that they’d made the smart choice even as they spilled the contents of their lumber cart onto the road. It was dark by the time they finished, but they were happy with fourth place.

It was already dark out when Eric & Danielle arrived at Zanzibar. They completed their puzzle, and then Danielle succeeded in breaking the clay target by hitting the post it was tied to and knocking it to the ground. They finished in fifth place.

The final dhow didn’t even leave Dar El Salaam until 8 p.m., so it was plenty late when the last two teams arrived. The Guidos gave some thought as to which Detour to choose, but decided it was best to keep an eye on the competition. So, they stayed with Teri & Ian and completed the puzzle.

As the Guidos methodically placed their fish-shaped pieces, Teri & Ian floundered. By the time they realized that the pieces were double-sided, the Guidos were nearly finished. They got their clue and headed out into the early morning light to find the Roadblock.

Bill was able to finish the Roadblock before Teri & Ian even arrived, and the Guidos reached the finish mat in sixth place. By the time they finished the leg, Teri & Ian had made peace with their elimination. "We had fun," said Teri. "We’re sorry to be eliminated."

Next week, All-Stars is back for two hours of Dani freaking out about something. And Charla tries to walk in a full suit of armor.

As the couples of Dancing with the Stars 4 prepare for their second performances, which celebrity is most likely to follow in the footsteps of Trista Sutter, Kenny Mayne, and Tucker Carlson on elimination night?

If you need a refresher on the premiere performances, check out the videos in our Week 1 Performance Show Recap.

From worst to first, here’s where the couples rank after one week…

11. Billy Ray Cyrus & Karina Smirnoff
It’s not just that Billy Ray & Karina earned the lowest scores from the judges after their Cha Cha Cha. It’s the way they did it that puts the most pressure on them. Billy Ray seemed so self-conscious that it would take a psychological breakthrough of Freudian proportions for him to give the kind of performance he needs.

For him, the real accomplishment may have been just getting out on the dance floor. If that’s the case, then he needs to go, so that the show can focus on the couples who came to win.

10. Heather Mills & Jonathan Roberts
The same goes for Heather. Her decision to join the cast is admirable, and she’s already done a lot to change perceptions of the abilities of people with physical handicaps. But she gave me the impression that participating was victory enough for her.

I’d be more inspired if she’d said, "I’m not just going to dance; I’m going to be better than all of the other dancers." Her first routine was great, but I’m skeptical as to whether Heather’s heart is really in it.

9. Leeza Gibbons & Tony Dovolani
Leeza needs to look more relaxed on the dance floor, and she doesn’t have much time to figure out how to do that.

8. Shandi Finnessey & Brian Fortuna
Shandi seemed funny and engaging in pre-show interviews. Sadly, it seems she didn’t come across so well on the show. I thought Shandi’s dancing was fine — but not good enough that she can survive too long without winning over the audience.

Shandi needs to come across as a real person, and not a beauty queen trying too hard to seem like a real person. For example, she should stop calling herself a "geek." Instead, prove it! I recommend responding to the judges in Klingon. Qapla’, Shandi!

I also hope the producers won’t try to manufacture a showmance between Shandi and Brian this season. It didn’t help Willa & Maks last season, and it won’t do Shandi any good now.

7. Clyde Drexler & Elena Grinenko
Some fans called Clyde’s performance "sweet" or "charming," which is the kind of backhanded compliment you give to shy guys. If he wasn’t so tall, they would’ve called him "cute." He’ll have a couple more weeks to get comfortable with the performances, but his dancing will suffer if he can’t loosen up.

6. John Ratzenberger & Edyta Sliwinska
The surprisingly competent Ratzenberger seems to think that he can win this competition on merit alone. Didn’t he get the memo that the older male competitors are supposed to be sluggish, self-deprecating, and threatening to break a hip at a moment’s notice?

5. Paulina Porizkova & Alec Mazo
Hopefully, Paulina will stop harping on her own clumsiness after this week. Not that I don’t believe she was a clumsy kid, but by mentioning it so much, the audience and judges are going to be looking for missteps. She’s better when he sticks to the commie humor.

4. Apolo Anton Ohno & Julianne Hough
Apolo’s naturally gifted, and he pairs well with Julianne. But if he isn’t able to devote as much time to dancing as the others — especially a perfectionist like Ian — it’s going to show in his performances. Fortunately, I’ve heard that he plans to curtail his skating for the remainder of the season.

3. Ian Ziering & Cheryl Burke
Ian didn’t get the highest score from the judges after his first performance, which could be a blessing in disguise. The pressure’s off, so he gets to focus on his own progress and not worry about what everyone else is doing.

2. Laila Ali & Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Laila may have scored the highest among the women, but she wasn’t in first place. This early in the game, that’s perfect for her. She’s going to force herself to work that much harder to overtake Joey as the judges’ favorite.

1. Joey Fatone & Kym Johnson
Joey will probably be setting the pace for the next few weeks. He should aim for consistency early on, looking to peak in the last few shows. Hopefully, he can leave himself some room to grow.

Charles in Charge… For A Few Weeks, Anyway
Fans of Sports Night — possibly the perfect television series (which makes Aaron Sorkin’s Studio 60 all the more disappointing) — will be pleased to see Josh Charles join ABC’s Six Degrees on April 13. Sadly, his run will be short-lived, as it’s pretty much a lock that the show won’t be back next season.

Sanjaya: Extended Remix 
Even after all of ABC’s efforts to avoid putting Dancing with the Stars up against American Idol, Fox still found a way to make DwtS pay. Tuesday night’s episode of Idol will run an extra seven minutes — overlapping the beginning of DwtS 4’s first Results Show.

Anthony & Rocky — BFFs?
Not exactly. In an interview with Buddy TV, last night’s Survivor: Fiji castoff, Anthony Robinson, reveals that he’s not pulling for Rocky to win the million dollars.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night
Chicago area fans of Smallville and Supernatural who were surprised to see their shows replaced by Chicago Bulls basketball tonight, fear not. Both new episodes will air Saturday night on WGN at 7 and 8 p.m. CST.

Follow that up with a PBS repeat of the America’s Ballroom Challenge 2007 Grand Finale at 9, and Saturday Night Live hosted by Indianapolis Colts QB Peyton Manning (who cut his comedic teeth telling others to cut meat), and you’ve got my idea of a fun Saturday night. And, yes, I know exactly how uncool I sound.

After a tribal shakeup on Survivor: High School… er… Fiji, the rivalry between Rocky the jock and class nerd Anthony came to a head. Would the island be big enough for the two of them?

The two tribes, Moto and Ravu, arrived at what they assumed would be a Reward Challenge, only to be told to drop their tribal buffs. When Earl and Edgardo stepped forward to represent their teams, host Jeff Probst informed them that they’d be selecting brand new tribes.

Alternating by selecting a member of the opposite tribe, two new teams were created:
1) Edgardo, Mookie, Alex, Rocky, Dreamz, Anthony
2) Earl, Boo, Michelle, Cassandra, Yau-Man, Stacy

That left Lisi the odd woman out, and since she’d just witnessed the dismantling of her alliance and all of her hopes of winning, she was excited by the prospect of being sent home immediately.

Only she wasn’t going home. She was going to Exile Island. She’d remain there until after the next Tribal Council, when she would join whichever team lost a member at Tribal Council.

Lisi made the mistake of whining about not getting a ticket out of Fiji, and Jeff made sure her new team understood that she’d just given them the perfect reason to get rid of her. She sulked her way over to Exile Island, where she sulked some more.

The rights to the good camp were determined by which buff Edgardo pulled out of a bag. He pulled the Ravu buff, and he and the boys were off to the crummy camp.

There they celebrated the fact that there wasn’t a woman around — before assigning that role to Anthony. He stayed at camp tending to the fire and wondering why chocolate always goes straight to his thighs, while the manly men of masculinity went out to fish, hunt for crabs, and break shit. Like men do.

At the Immunity Challenge, teams were equally matched in a game of wits. All six members of each tribe were tied together and had to carefully weave through an obstacle course, which looked like a knocked-over Pachinko machine (or if you’re a Price is Right fan, a Plinko board). Earl’s Moto tribe edged out Ravu for the victory, continuing Moto’s undefeated streak.

Anthony seemed the obvious boot for Ravu, but he did his best to point out exactly how annoying Rocky was. Despite Anthony’s perceived weakness, he ran the camp almost single-handedly. Meanwhile, Rocky bossed people around and avoided doing any work himself.

At Tribal Council, Rocky used the occasion to give Anthony a decidedly unmotivating "be a man" speech. Yet every time Anthony tried to speak up for himself, Rocky interrupted him. After Rocky called him "effeminate" a few too many times, Anthony said he hadn’t realize that he needed to act like a loudmouthed jerk to earn Rocky’s respect.

Even though Alex, Edgardo, Mookie, and Dreamz had to know that they would soon regret it, they voted out Anthony and kept Rocky. How anyone can stand listening to that guy for five minutes — let alone several days — is beyond me.

Next week, when Survivor returns to its regular Thursday night timeslot, Yau-Man looks for the Immunity Idol. And Lisi brings her feminine charms to Ravu camp, much to the dismay of Dreamz.

Sci Fi has its Tin Man
Neal McDonough will be playing the title character in SciFi’s Wizard of Oz remake, Tin Man. I’m a huge Neal McDonough fan, thanks to his stellar work as an alcoholic D.A. in Boomtown and a shell-shocked officer in Band of Brothers. It’ll be great to see him fronting a talented cast.

Survivor News
In honor of tonight’s special Wednesday airing of Survivor (8 p.m. Eastern), here’s a link to TV Guide’s interview with the most recently eliminated castaway: Rita. I’m not sure why I’m just learning this now, but she’s the sister of Project Runway‘s Nick Verreos.

Heather Mills the next Jerry Springer?
Probably not, but Jerry did offer his thoughts on the image-rejuvenating power of Dancing with the Stars, and its possible benefits for Ms. Mills. He could be right, but why on earth would someone who’s best known for being a charity campaigner (as we were frequently reminded during Monday’s show) need an image makeover?

Videos of Joey & Cheryl and Apolo & Julianne have been added to the DwtS 4, Week 1: Performance Show recap.

Good News for Gadget Heads
Apple TV boxes are heading to a store near you.